(no subject)
S.M.S.
Make me happy, make me sad, make me feel anything but empty.
It's funny how I can effortlessly write a ten-page paper and get an A on it, while being entirely incapable of expressing myself. Whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing lately, all I can seem to say is, "ummm, I don't know, okay, I guess.
I really don't care about myself anymore. I simply exist from day to day holding out for a glimmer of happiness. I hate feeling depressed. For the first time in my long battle with depression, I'm willing to admit that there's something wrong with me and that I need to seek treatment for it. I can't keep living like this any longer. I can't keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day, when all I ever seem to have is bad days. I can't keep feeling empty, and I can't keep trying to recklessly fill myself up with temporary remedies (drugs, alcohol, etc.). I hate feeling like I can't be OK on my own, but damn, it's been a long time since I felt truly okay.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I've really grown to hate livejournal, mostly because of the sick, uneasy feeling I get whenever I read something that I wrote here. I don't like realizing that I'm always changing, and that I can't identify with the "me" of two or three years ago. I hate it. Now I'm only bothering to post this because I bothered to write it.
Make me happy, make me sad, make me feel anything but empty.
It's funny how I can effortlessly write a ten-page paper and get an A on it, while being entirely incapable of expressing myself. Whenever anyone asks me how I'm doing lately, all I can seem to say is, "ummm, I don't know, okay, I guess.
I really don't care about myself anymore. I simply exist from day to day holding out for a glimmer of happiness. I hate feeling depressed. For the first time in my long battle with depression, I'm willing to admit that there's something wrong with me and that I need to seek treatment for it. I can't keep living like this any longer. I can't keep telling myself that I'm just having a bad day, when all I ever seem to have is bad days. I can't keep feeling empty, and I can't keep trying to recklessly fill myself up with temporary remedies (drugs, alcohol, etc.). I hate feeling like I can't be OK on my own, but damn, it's been a long time since I felt truly okay.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I've really grown to hate livejournal, mostly because of the sick, uneasy feeling I get whenever I read something that I wrote here. I don't like realizing that I'm always changing, and that I can't identify with the "me" of two or three years ago. I hate it. Now I'm only bothering to post this because I bothered to write it.