so what now?
last night i snapped and cried. it started at rob's and got worse from there i cried about it all. all night. i can't do this anymore. something needs to give, but i don't know what yet...
So this past week or so has been the most emotionally draining time i;ve had in a long time. so last week i found out that the job at my moms work drug tests. FUCCKK. thats bad since i do drugs. no beating around the bush there, anyways, i flip out. how the hell can i pull that off so i flip the biggest tweek and not sleep. so then rob and i figure out a way to sneak pee into the bathroom so i can pass. but fucking dutra ruins that and tells me they take your shit before you go into the bathroom. once again FUCCKK. so i flip a tweek again and after a few intensely stressful day i break and tell my mom. she took it well i would say. so told me to do what i had to do to pass. then all is good on that...for a day or so. mom told my dad i did drugs. that the shit is that? seriously i told hwr because i trusted her. my dad didn't gwt mad but he's so intense. he rationalized the whole thing and it made me feel helpless. why did she tell him? so blah blah i finally decide to tell the guy i got a different job that started sooner and i thanked him for the great oppertunity. and it was. it was an amazing once in a life time thing and i fucked it all. im so pissed at myself and im still jobless. i really did want that job. ohh well.
anyways im getting fat. stress makes me eat. ive been stressed with everything and everyone. so im eating so much. it's gross. i hate myself when i do it but i can't help it. i need help with this hard core. i can;t gain my weight back. i'll kill myself before i let that happen.
So i need to talk to rob. about EVERYTHING. him and me. my stress. how i feel. what the hell is in my head. he always wants me to open up. so i will. tomorrow. tomorrow night. after he works and the girls leave. i hope it goes well. i hope he understands.
So this past week or so has been the most emotionally draining time i;ve had in a long time. so last week i found out that the job at my moms work drug tests. FUCCKK. thats bad since i do drugs. no beating around the bush there, anyways, i flip out. how the hell can i pull that off so i flip the biggest tweek and not sleep. so then rob and i figure out a way to sneak pee into the bathroom so i can pass. but fucking dutra ruins that and tells me they take your shit before you go into the bathroom. once again FUCCKK. so i flip a tweek again and after a few intensely stressful day i break and tell my mom. she took it well i would say. so told me to do what i had to do to pass. then all is good on that...for a day or so. mom told my dad i did drugs. that the shit is that? seriously i told hwr because i trusted her. my dad didn't gwt mad but he's so intense. he rationalized the whole thing and it made me feel helpless. why did she tell him? so blah blah i finally decide to tell the guy i got a different job that started sooner and i thanked him for the great oppertunity. and it was. it was an amazing once in a life time thing and i fucked it all. im so pissed at myself and im still jobless. i really did want that job. ohh well.
anyways im getting fat. stress makes me eat. ive been stressed with everything and everyone. so im eating so much. it's gross. i hate myself when i do it but i can't help it. i need help with this hard core. i can;t gain my weight back. i'll kill myself before i let that happen.
So i need to talk to rob. about EVERYTHING. him and me. my stress. how i feel. what the hell is in my head. he always wants me to open up. so i will. tomorrow. tomorrow night. after he works and the girls leave. i hope it goes well. i hope he understands.