HEY GUY!
HELLO!!!!!
i cant sleep....fucking aderal! lol, that shit keeps u awake, ad it gives u a crazy good high!.....anyway, fucking people man, they suck...exspecially guys they suck ass....and what pisses me off is the fact that yeah they are fcuking pig asshole and just plain old jerks/dogs...and i still like him...them really casue there are way more then one guy who i like thats like that...i think deep down all guys are liek that, and they just wait for the time to bring it out to hurt u the most, they have perfect timing with that sit it like they know that as soon as u feel like u cant take anymore of the bull shit in life they come and fucking screw u over and fuck with ur head....see thats the main reason i am so messed up in the head with relationships, cause as soon as i get to the point where i really care about something...they turn it all around, so fast that ur sitting there for a week thinking about how stupid u feel for falling for someone who lied to u and disrespected u in a way that he doesnt even deserve a dirty look from me........its like they plan this shit out i really think so, i also think all the guys share these plans and have different poeple do the same shit to u over and over again...how else do u explain how the same exact shit happends like 5 times in a row.....and u know what, if guys were truthful with u in the first place then it would have saved u so much time, effort and anger.....i dont thinks its fair, u should be able to get into a person head like that, u shouldnt be able to fuck them up so bad and hurt them so bad by saying just one thing to u...or nothing at all.......the worst part about that is how u try to still be friends, and then u ave to hear about everytime some one would look at him he was stareing, and people tell me i am lucky to have that look from people its great it means they care about me and bullshit like that.....I honestly think guys are little bitchs, fuck them, maybe its the younger guys cause they dont know how to treat people....or maybe they were hurt befor and they turned in to heartless bastards and decided that since they were hurt by a person that they will fuck with ur head and use u and hurt u as pay back, but why am i the on that it gets taken out on ? wtf did i do? i hvae never fucked with someones head like that and i have never hurt anyone like that, at least not to my knolage....see there is a difference b/w hurting someone and not meaning to hurt them, and then there the people that will hurt u only because they are hurting and they know no matter what they do to u that u will always have there backs, so they lie and cheat and basically fuck u over and talk shit, and then what maked me stupid is i try to ignor it, i accept a lame ass made up story as a sorry and then i get over it, and then u kno what they do it again...they make u fall for them again, and u try and try not to, but u do and u say maybe this time it will be different and u try to trust, and BAM they fucking do it again. I hate when guys hurt u purposly, like say things in front of u just cause they want to see the look on ur face when what they said hits u, and boy it hits u it feels like getting punched in the stomache so hard that u cant breathe and they know, they do......they liek to see they have some kind of power over u, and just becasue u think u can controll how u feel...well lets just say, what u think and what u do are two seperat things. and then wheil ur with them, his friends my friends all together 4 of us and it hurts u, just to sit there, and nobody can understand how u feel in those moments of thought out words said to hurt u, all i can say is it hurts, it hurts bad but unlike anyother pain u have ever felt...its like u would die for this person and they cant see that and u want to tell them but u dont really want them to know because they fucked u over twice already cause of ur feeling, and letting them know how much u care about them leaves u vounerable and alone cause then the next turn is him, and they us it, they use ur weekness, and suddly touch the subject and then the friends will know for sure and then u have to here them say shit, in a way that they dont meen to be mean but they just showed u that u really cant trust someone to keep how u feel about them to themselfs....no they cant.....i dont know. And then u try so hard not to fuck up not to say the wrong thing dont show any once of jelousy or hurt or pain or caring, cause once u show anykind of weekness in those areas they will most definatly play off it. and they know how to work u to get there way, they make it so easy to hate ourself because of them, but so hard to hate them....cause u never will hate them casue there is always this little piece of the back of ur heart that still beats faster when he is trying to use u and trying to plays u, that little area tells u he cares about u, look at how he looks at u and look at the things he says.....i remember on thing he tells me when ever i am leaving "be safe, call me anytime if u need anything, becarful there are alot of hurtuful crazy people out there, dont trust anyone." and i turn and think im always safe, plus i think ur one of those crazy people i should watch out for, and i dont need u for anything..but no i just nod and smile and say bye and keep it all in and ur head screams cause u feel like he does care why else woulde he say becarful, and call me tomorrow if u need anything, or u want to kick it.....see they know they know to well and it sucks, cause u cant not trust everyone, just because some people fucked with ur head.....and i dont think i feel like i want to trust anyone, it takes so much time and there are to many reasons not to trust no one, and good reasons.....but then when u meet that someone that just makes u feel, bubbly happy, everything u should feel, u forget, u forget to becarful cause u forget that one person is able to snap ur heart in two, by saying just once word.........
wow i think i wrote enough now, i know u people arnt gonna read it, i wouldnt if i were u, and i know not all of that shit makes sense but it feels so good to let it out somewhere where people arnt gonna ask who, or if im ok, or say they are sorry, i just needed to get it out of my head, i can breath better now cause that right there has been a huge ass weight on my shoulders for the past i would say three to four weeks
well my peoples love u all and i hope u didnt get bored if u read it all lol, u know how those drugs just make u spill it all.....lol anyway,
<3 (but not to much lol) missy