(no subject)
Well, i have had an interesting weekend. I found i like a guy friend of mine...a lot, and its mutual, so thats good. But he went to kiss me and a different guy popped into my heads and i turned away... NoT CoOl! ok any way. Heres my question.....Why? Just a simple Why? I like both of them equal, but the guy who popped into my head is a jerk and treats me like crap and dosnt want me for a girl friend but for a fuck buddy. The other guy is so sweet, makes me laugh, and acually cares about me. So now that my question is more clear, i ask it again.....WHY!!!!! WhY? wHy? WhY??? Anyway, my friend sent me this, she said i needed to read it, maybe it would help, maybe it wouldnt. i'll tell you what, It did and didnt. Now i kinda feel sick, and bad. But yeah, tell me what you think......
o be "human" is to have and show emotion.
But what happens when you begin to regret that you can?
To live one day full of so many thoughts and feelings only to wish that they didn't exist in the first place.
Then what?
Does one cast aside the life he or she was born into only to appease one stray thought or feeling that quite reasonably struck a nerve that may have never been struck before?
What then?
Confusion and Hatred slowly begin to loom down upon you.
Confusion is the hands that tightly grasp around your neck, sending you spinning through oblivion where as Hatred is the water that washes over you, around you, and inside of you hoping to drag you away solely for your own sake so that you may realize that everything is your fault and yours alone to suffer for an eternity in damnation, screaming your lungs out for help but knowing that no one will come because everything is your fault and your punishment is the solidarity that you pleaded so much for.
That is what you wanted, isn't it?
To be alone.
But how can you surrender your humanity and still be alone?
One needs to feel alone in order to believe that one is alone and therefore marking one as a living entity, one capable of being human and not machine.
Yet at the same time Love descends upon you and enfolds you in her pale arms, promising you an eternity of happiness for a moment of your trust.
Is that the happiness one seeks?
Love without reason? Love without thought? Unbridled and uncomplicated Love and Adoration?
Or does one seek to find an impurity?
Do you realize that Love surrounds you in her pale embrace? Her talons cut deep into your cheeks as she caresses your skin while her silvery eyes bare down upon you with an insatiable hunger one cannot describe. Do you notice the fangs or that they drip red with crimson blood. That that very blood runs down your skin.
Love raises her sweet hands to show you the gift she holds for you.
Your heart.
How it beats so softly against the moonlight.
Yet in all that has happened, as you fall in a graceful arch looking up into the face of deception, Love doesn't appear as she once was in your eyes. Instead looking back down at you are the eyes of an angel, one that you yourself warped into a monster.
Is that what triggers the need to abandon humanistic traits?
The sudden realization that you once held a true angel in your arms, yet you smothered her to the point of no return.
If so, instead of running from your fear of Loss, wouldn't the right decision be to at least attempt to right the wrongs made?
Could it possibly be that through all of the painful ordeals and misguided truths, Love still stands alone in the forest as the rain washes down around her, waiting, quite possibly, for your well sought out return?
Or is that a little too much wishful thinking for one to possibly harbor?