It's make-believe.
Things are a little on the side of unhappy.
Finally got my ass to the doctor. I have some weird thing I can't pronounce, but basically, I had a cold which opened me up to a virus, my lungs became inflamed, and are now pushing on the soft cartiledge part of my ribs. So, another crappy upper respitory issue. Nearly every year since my last of high school, I have had some sort of crazy ass respitory function. And I get to have the same arguments and tests for asthma and allergies that are negative year after year. No, I will not carry around an inhalor and dope myself up on allergy meds. I am not asthmatic, and allergy medicine makes me feel worse than I do unmedicated.
Dad also got his ass to the doctor, but his problem is not easily fixed as mine. He went into the hospital today for testing, and was admitted overnight. Mayhap he'll get to go home tomorrow, but...it's up in the air. And my dad is the stoic sort, and he won't talk about what they're testing him for, or if they have any idea what it is. And he won't do this because he doesn't want us to worry. However: if it isn't something serious, and instead is something puzzling, I'd like to know so I can stop worrying. And if it is serious, I'd also like to know. I want to be prepared to lose my father, or have him in the hospital long-term, or in long-term treatment. But, he won't tell anybody anything, which makes me want to think it's something serious even though I know he wouldn't tell us even if it wasn't.
My stress level is also through the roof because of work. I had the audacity to tell Jason I couldn't open tomorrow/today, because first of all, my padre is in the hospital. Even though he doesn't really want visitors, he still needs someone to run errands for him, and Megan and Mom are both schooling and working. So, el manager tried to pull this shit that well, if I couldn't open, I could trade shifts with Carrie and close. I had to explain to him that no, I didn't want to work at all, my father is most likely extremely ill, and I need to be at his side. (Whether he wants me there or not) So, the manager pulled a pissy pouty act, telling me he couldn't deal with it right now, and he was in a meeting. And later called back to tell me it had been resolved, but I'd have to open or close on Sunday, and had quite a bit of attitude with me.
I hate that the one time I have ever called in as an emergency, he acts like I'm a pain in the ass. I'm not sure I can express my feelings of betrayal in a short paragraph.
I can't help but feel that if anything serious happens to Dad, and I'm not there for him when it does, instead I'm at Starbucks making lattes, I will hate Jason (the manager), Starbucks, and myself for the rest of my life. I'll hate Jason the most though.
Time to transfer.
I managed to get tomorrow off at least. I'll open Saturday, close Sunday, and will have to cancel rehearsal for Sunday, which might be okay, since I don't have enough breath to dance right now anyways. Also, I didn't mention that a ton of money for school is due by tuesday, a ton of money in the range of several hundred dollars. I have the money, but I won't have any other money for several weeks.
Ahhh! I'm so filled up with angry and worry and nasty-sickness. I can't sleep, and my body hates me. Stressss! It's evil.
I read somewhere that a certain amount of stress is healthy, but I think that stress is beginning to kill me.
Finally got my ass to the doctor. I have some weird thing I can't pronounce, but basically, I had a cold which opened me up to a virus, my lungs became inflamed, and are now pushing on the soft cartiledge part of my ribs. So, another crappy upper respitory issue. Nearly every year since my last of high school, I have had some sort of crazy ass respitory function. And I get to have the same arguments and tests for asthma and allergies that are negative year after year. No, I will not carry around an inhalor and dope myself up on allergy meds. I am not asthmatic, and allergy medicine makes me feel worse than I do unmedicated.
Dad also got his ass to the doctor, but his problem is not easily fixed as mine. He went into the hospital today for testing, and was admitted overnight. Mayhap he'll get to go home tomorrow, but...it's up in the air. And my dad is the stoic sort, and he won't talk about what they're testing him for, or if they have any idea what it is. And he won't do this because he doesn't want us to worry. However: if it isn't something serious, and instead is something puzzling, I'd like to know so I can stop worrying. And if it is serious, I'd also like to know. I want to be prepared to lose my father, or have him in the hospital long-term, or in long-term treatment. But, he won't tell anybody anything, which makes me want to think it's something serious even though I know he wouldn't tell us even if it wasn't.
My stress level is also through the roof because of work. I had the audacity to tell Jason I couldn't open tomorrow/today, because first of all, my padre is in the hospital. Even though he doesn't really want visitors, he still needs someone to run errands for him, and Megan and Mom are both schooling and working. So, el manager tried to pull this shit that well, if I couldn't open, I could trade shifts with Carrie and close. I had to explain to him that no, I didn't want to work at all, my father is most likely extremely ill, and I need to be at his side. (Whether he wants me there or not) So, the manager pulled a pissy pouty act, telling me he couldn't deal with it right now, and he was in a meeting. And later called back to tell me it had been resolved, but I'd have to open or close on Sunday, and had quite a bit of attitude with me.
I hate that the one time I have ever called in as an emergency, he acts like I'm a pain in the ass. I'm not sure I can express my feelings of betrayal in a short paragraph.
I can't help but feel that if anything serious happens to Dad, and I'm not there for him when it does, instead I'm at Starbucks making lattes, I will hate Jason (the manager), Starbucks, and myself for the rest of my life. I'll hate Jason the most though.
Time to transfer.
I managed to get tomorrow off at least. I'll open Saturday, close Sunday, and will have to cancel rehearsal for Sunday, which might be okay, since I don't have enough breath to dance right now anyways. Also, I didn't mention that a ton of money for school is due by tuesday, a ton of money in the range of several hundred dollars. I have the money, but I won't have any other money for several weeks.
Ahhh! I'm so filled up with angry and worry and nasty-sickness. I can't sleep, and my body hates me. Stressss! It's evil.
I read somewhere that a certain amount of stress is healthy, but I think that stress is beginning to kill me.