My heart knows me better than I know myself.
I am unexplicably stressed out. Stressed to the point where my stomach and head hate me, and I can't eat because I'm nauseous. I'm uncertain as to the cause - I do have alot going on right now, but none of it is that stressful. Perhaps all together? Community dance project + moving + finding somewhere to live + planning vacation + a possible work promotion + moving home again + family weirdness = Massive Stress Induced Illness? I guess.
I've been packing the last few days, and it's a mix between fun, sad, and stressful. With most of my clothes, and some of my non anthro/dance related textbooks I'm like "AH! Should I really keep this? Will I use it/wear it again? Would it be better if I gave it away? What if I NEED it? What if I give it away and then suddenly realize I love it?"
Other stuff, I'm like "Heck yes! I love this dress!"
There is a sad finality to this packing process. A few years ago, when I moved out, it wasn't really sad. In some ways, yes, because I knew it would alter my family dynamic forever. But as far as the packing of material items, not so sad. I knew if I forgot something, I could come and get it, and if I decided I was temporarily done with something, I could bring it back and rediscover it later. Perfect for the wishy washy. And at the back of my head, I knew that I could come back home if I wanted to.
Here, in this case, I'm not ever coming back. In less than 2 weeks, I'm handing in my keys, and an entire little world will be closed to me. No more silly pink walls. I've never moved from a place that I'm not intending to return to. I'm afraid of forgetting or losing something.
I'm also a little afraid to move home again. My mom, of course, is thrilled. I'm excited to be close to friends I don't get to see often, and friends in general (Hannah, Thomas, Teague, Whitney, maybe Mehg?) But on the other hand, how much of my independance is going to be sacrificed?
I guess we'll find out. It's a whole new game, and a whole new adventure.
I came home tonight, just for fun, and I think I might stay for the rest of the weekend. I brought home several boxes of stuff, and I want to clean/dust/vacuum my room before I start storing stuff.
Also, the condo is crowded, messy, and way too hot and loud, and I just want to be home, where I have my own space, and my own privacy, where it's quiet and I can hear the rain on the roof at night, and the crows in the morning.
I've been packing the last few days, and it's a mix between fun, sad, and stressful. With most of my clothes, and some of my non anthro/dance related textbooks I'm like "AH! Should I really keep this? Will I use it/wear it again? Would it be better if I gave it away? What if I NEED it? What if I give it away and then suddenly realize I love it?"
Other stuff, I'm like "Heck yes! I love this dress!"
There is a sad finality to this packing process. A few years ago, when I moved out, it wasn't really sad. In some ways, yes, because I knew it would alter my family dynamic forever. But as far as the packing of material items, not so sad. I knew if I forgot something, I could come and get it, and if I decided I was temporarily done with something, I could bring it back and rediscover it later. Perfect for the wishy washy. And at the back of my head, I knew that I could come back home if I wanted to.
Here, in this case, I'm not ever coming back. In less than 2 weeks, I'm handing in my keys, and an entire little world will be closed to me. No more silly pink walls. I've never moved from a place that I'm not intending to return to. I'm afraid of forgetting or losing something.
I'm also a little afraid to move home again. My mom, of course, is thrilled. I'm excited to be close to friends I don't get to see often, and friends in general (Hannah, Thomas, Teague, Whitney, maybe Mehg?) But on the other hand, how much of my independance is going to be sacrificed?
I guess we'll find out. It's a whole new game, and a whole new adventure.
I came home tonight, just for fun, and I think I might stay for the rest of the weekend. I brought home several boxes of stuff, and I want to clean/dust/vacuum my room before I start storing stuff.
Also, the condo is crowded, messy, and way too hot and loud, and I just want to be home, where I have my own space, and my own privacy, where it's quiet and I can hear the rain on the roof at night, and the crows in the morning.