Y-O, Day 7
The final day, St. Thomas, a U.S. Virgin Island. Who knew getting back into the U.S. would be such a hassle?
I had gotten in around 6:45 or so in the morning. And I had forgotten Mini-Mustifa’s decree, that all passengers who enter the island of St. Thomas must first pass through US Immigration. Which means you have to show your Seapass and either passport or birth certificate to get onto the island.
Unfortunately, This process takes place between 7:00am and 8:30am for all passengers. Which means that at 7:30am, Kevin came pounding on the door, tasked to wake up all the children again by Mini-Mustifa. After an hour of sleep, and a lot of hard work on my part, I was still very much out of it.
I decided that I didn’t really care about getting off, so if they wanted me to show, they’d get me at my worst. I put on Mat’s boat shoes, the khakis I wore 2 days earlier and my volleyball medal. And that’s it. I wandered across the ship in tight Italian leather loafers, barechest, with a wake-up Bud Light in hand. I can’t tell you how classy I looked. And smelled, probably.
Went through the line, showed my Seapass and passport. Mat was right in front of me, I had to skip him cuz I knew he’d be hassled about everything since he didn’t have a license. And he was, but it only took a few minutes anyway.
I thought maybe I could make it to breakfast for once. Of course, I was wrong. I made a beeline for my bed, stripped again and went back to sleep. I think Mini-Mustifa finally woke us back up around 11:30 or so. Precious, precious sleep. How I miss you.
Me, Train, Jesse, Kristy, Merri, Big Tom and Mustifa all wanted to go snorkeling, so we got off the boat to find a cab for Koki Beach. Little bit further away, much better beach and cooler fish. Get off the boat and start looking for cabs.
Jesse finds a few drivers, and announces he wants a 2 dollar cab ride, and that’s all he’s paying. This short black guy runs up and starts yelling at him, saying it’s US law that he charges $7/person for the ride to Koki beach and if any of his drivers charge less, he’ll yell at them and blah blah blah. He actually shut Jesse right up, it was great.
We jump on the cabs, and then we remember that St. Thomas has left side driving. Talk about confusing. The worst part about it: the traffic circle. A left handed, counter-clockwise circle completely blew my mind away. I needed more beer. Plus the fact that the ride was uphill, around corners, swerving and swaying. I definitely needed more beer.
We got to Koki beach, jumped out and told the cabbie to meet us back at 4:00pm. We wanted to do a little shopping before getting on the boat around 5pm. Big Tom and Mustifa grabbed some lounge chairs, while me, Train and Jesse went to rent snorkel equipment. Decent stuff, good enough for our intents.
Jump in the water, start to swim around and get used to it. It’s beautiful. It’s around 85 out, and the water has to be around 75. Amazing for ocean water. Absolutely beautiful, crystal clear out to about 50 feet. I was in love.
We snorkeled for an hour, maybe an hour and a half. The three of us went all over the whole beach, including the reefs and rocks that were to the east. The guy who rented us the snorkels gave us each a handful of dog bones that the fish love to eat, so we’d randomly break up the bones and the fish would swarm. I’ll put up some of the pictures I have of the fish later, they really were amazing. They looked like big tiger barbs, but in swarms of 40-50 fish at a time. Just amazing.
Eventually, around 3:30pm we wanted to leave, so we started to head up to find a new cabbie, since we thought ours wasn’t going to be back til 4pm. Apparently he waited for us, because there he was in the same parking spot, waving at us. Cool. We all jumped in, rode back to the boat for some quick shopping.
Got back to the boat and I remembered I had to call Nikki. She hosed me for the $50 room credit (which I still don’t have) so I was determined to call her and let her know what’s up, and that she has to fix it, before the end of the cruise. I tell Train and Jesse I’ll be at the phones, to come find me after they change. So I jump on a payphone and try to use my calling card to get to the US. Turns out I need 50 cents to use the phone for an 800 number. What kinda crap is that? Bah.
So instead I go with Big Tom and Merri to buy Tom a new digital camera. The guy at the store was pretty good, showed us a few models. After a while we went with a Konica-Minolta, 5.1 megapixel, came in a bundle with a bunch of other stuff for $300. Pretty good price, nice camera. I’m a fan, and so was Big Tom. I also had the guy make change of a dollar for me. Sweet.
By the time I get back to the phone, Jesse and Tom are gone, so I just make my call. 50 cents, 800 number, then Nikki’s number. Apparently international calls take a lot of minutes, so my quarted filled phone card nets me 7 minutes of talk time. Damn. Merri is sitting around waiting for me, she laughs at 7 minutes. I finally get through and get the receptionist, and tell her I need to talk to Nikki. She says Nikki has 2 calls on hold, 2 people waiting in the waiting area and is at her desk with a client now, can she take a message? I informed her (politely) that I was in St. Thomas on a cruise that Nikki booked, I have a problem with something she did, and I have 7 minutes left to talk on my phone card. Could she please put Nikki on?
She puts me on hold and Nikki comes on within about 20 seconds. Adam, what’s wrong, is everything ok? She knows that if I’m calling from St. Thomas, something’s up. I inform her (again, politely, but to the point since I have six minutes left) that the credit she promised would be on my room isn’t, and I need it put on my room by the end of the day since after that, they close out the accounts and it wont take effect. I also tell her I’m displeased with the way she’s handled the issue so far, as I’ve had 2 confirmations from her that this was taken care of promptly.
Her response was “Adam, please, talk to me like a person here.”
Then, I flipped out. I told her at no point did I raise my voice, curse or belittle her, and that I was only asking for what I was previously told I already had. Merri bursts out laughing, asking how she could think I was yelling at her. I’m inclined to agree. Nikki agrees to straighten things out immediately, and to fax the ship when she’s done with it. Fine, thanks, goodbye. What a dirty pirate hooker that lady is.
Since I missed Train and Jesse, Merri invited me to take a walk while she bought some perfume. She wanted the new Britney Spears perfume. Apparently it smells nice, but she doesn’t want to be seen actually paying for it, since Spears is a whore. So we go to 2 or 3 different stores, none have it. Finally find one with it, and it’s a big girly bottle with a gay looking sprayer. I’m so happy for Merri. Now we have more to make fun of her for. I was going to get postcards for people at home, my parents, my sister, Manda. But then I realized I hate when people do that to me, so forget it.
We’re walking back towards the ship and we see Train and Jesse coming up behind us, each carrying a case of beer. Jesse has Heineken and Train has El Presidente. Good stuff. We head towards the ship, get in line to get back on.
When you re-enter, you swipe your Seapass, hear a “Ding” and go through the detector. As we’re on line, we hear two big “Nooooo” sounds, means rejected. It happens, sometimes a card gets demagnetized. Then we keep hearing it. Then we see two people walking back down the line saying “Well our boat is only a little smaller than this one, they look practically identical.” No they don’t idiot, ours is twice the size of yours with a hundred yellow lifeboats. Yours is tiny with white ones. Just look up. Dumbass.
Get back up to the rooms, and start stealing every bucket and pail we can find. Garbage pails, ice buckets, food tubs from the room attendants, anything. Then we order ten buckets of ice from room service. Our room attendant comes by, so I get a pail full of ice. And I see where he gets it from. And I wedge something in the door to keep it open. Now we empty the ice machine, almost completely, and fill everything we can find. All our Presidentes and Heinekens are going to be icy fresh.
We sit around drinking in Jesse and Merri’s room for a while, enjoying beers and wine. Well, mostly the wine was Kristy and Merri. Mostly Kristy. So of course she’s drunk and her and Train start fighting again. She really goes off the handle for almost anything. Whatever.
Then Merri starts making fun of Jesse and his floozes, calling him a manwhore and a crafty butcher. Then she calls him a bad wop, and Jesse’s had enough. His only comeback line is “Oh yeah? Bad wop? So tell me Merri, what’s 26 minus 19?” And she shuts up, instantly. Amazing. She’s never shut up like that before, ever. I was shocked. It was great.
More drinking was done, and then we went and changed for dinner.
Get down to dinner, it was a good last feast. At one point, someone calls Jesse a crafty butcher at the table, and Kevin laughs. Jesse announces that he is once again, a crafty butcher. Kevin motions him over, and says “You do know what that means, right?” Jesse explains it how he heard it, all wrong of course. Then Kevin lets him know it means “a man who sneaks his meat in around the back.” Jesse is floored, his jaw drops, and he looks to us. We all burst out laughing, telling him it’s the truth. He’s been calling himself that all week. He starts laughing his ass off, saying how good that one was. We love it.
The final night, all the waiters, head waiters and assistant waiters do a big musical dance number. I had a picture, but since I was far back it didn’t come out so well. It was pretty cool. We kept cheering for our waiters, Dragos and Jorge. And then at the end when it got all quiet, Zach yelled “Jorge get back here we need more water” and the entire place erupted in laughter. We really are the party.
Back up to the rooms to drink some more. Plenty of Presidente and Heinekens left. We drink, hang out, have a blast. I had to go back to the room to pack a little, cuz I forgot to do it earlier. All the bags that aren’t carry-ons have to be out by midnight to be scanned and searched. Did that quick, went back to the room, had a few more beers. Then Craig wants to go to the casino, and Jeremy and Zach want to go with him. Most of us head to the casino, but since I’m not a gambling man, I grabbed some beers and headed to the Jester by myself.
Show up and the place is dead. Apparently it’s Latino music night, and there’s about 10 people on the dance floor and that’s it. There’s a few guys and girls at the bar, but otherwise, it’s empty. I sit with the guys, grab a bucket and a few more beers. I talk to them for a few, talk to the girls for a few. They’re all bored. I decide to go to the pool deck to see what’s happening.
We get upstairs, it’s also dead. No one in the Solarium, no one in the pools, nothing. Can’t believe it. Last night, and people are giving up. Bastards. Then I remember what I heard someone mention earlier in the day.
Beer pong.
The whole lot of us go to the other end of the pool deck and sure enough, the ping pong table is missing. We head to the other side of the ship and there it is, and the other table, a dozen ping pong balls, 20 people and countless beers. I have arrived at my junior year of college, transplanted into the future. It’s great.
Of course, Jamie and Heather are there. I swear they know where I’m going to be. The Jersey guys are there too. So I watch the two games of beer pong that are going on for a while, apparently the one team has been on the table for 9 games already. Pretty good. They’re also playing flip cup on the side of the table, while the beer pong is going on. I like their multitasking. Heather is on one table playing pong so I go mock her abilities for a while, and talk to Jamie. She makes me promise I’ll go for beers with her before last call, which is in a half hour or so. I make my rounds, flirt with the girls, talk to the guys. My cousins all show up, since they got bored with the casino.
At around 2:55am, we realize last call is 5 minutes away, so me and Jamie rush downstairs to get beers. I want buckets of bud light, and so does she. Finally rubbed off on her. Well, maybe this is the second time. Anyway, they’re out of buckets. The guy next to me orders a garbage bag full of beer, gets like 6 or 7 and some ice. I said sure, give me one of those. Then the little black guy runs in the back and comes out with the champion, a giant tray. Filled with ice, it can hold around 20 beers. I know because we got a half dozen Coors light, half dozen Miller lite (they were out of bud light), and a half dozen Heineken. Then the kicker comes.
A guy I met earlier in the week, he’s a teacher from Jersey. Cool guy, like 6’3, maybe 275. Big. Turns out he’s a personal friend of Jim Norton, one of the funniest comedians ever. I’m instantly a fan of this guy. Although I forget his name. Anyway, this guy says ok, all those are on me. Blows like $75 on the beers, it was awesome of him. So I bought him another 6 of Heineken for his troubles. I’m cool like that. And I invite him up to play pong with us, since he unknowingly bought half the beer for the games. I think he was trying to look big for Jamie, cuz she’s hot and all, but screw that, I’m drinking up.
We leave the bar, the three of us, and I got him to take a quick picture of me, Jamie and my beer. I think I put that one up a few days ago. Elevator upstairs, and as I turn the corner I raise the beer tub over my head and give a hearty “Y-O” for all to hear. My cousins respond in kind, and cheers abound as I shower beer down upon the masses. I am good.
Adam from Jersey finds me, and we get on the table for the next game, which turns out to be Merri and Craig, after they beat Heather and married Wisconsin guy. So me and Adam team up to take them down. Longest. Game. Ever. Stupid windows were open in the enclosure, and the balls would literally do a 180 in mid flight. Sucky. In the end though, we took them down. A&A rocked, hardcore. He had an awesome arc shot. Really, amazing to see the angles.
We go sit down after that, cuz most of the party was starting to die out, since it was around 4:45am. Me and Jamie and Buddy talking, and Heather and random married Wisconsin guy. I’m gonna call him Bob so I don’t have to type out that whole name anymore.
Bob is kinda rubbing all over her, kissing her neck, etc. Jamie is freaked out, because as it turns out, they both have boyfriends at home (oops). Even worse though is that Bob is married, and his wife and kids are asleep downstairs. Wow, quality men out there.
We’re all BS’ing for a few, and start talking to some Puerto Rican guys who came up on deck with some sort of homemade hooch. Apparently too much will make you go blind, and it looks like Ecto Cooler (remember that?), but it tastes amazing and a glass or two will knock you down. So I of course take a swig, proclaim that it is well and good, down another cup and sit back to relax some more. The PR guys keep passing it out to other people around them.
Turn back around, and Heather and Bob are gone. Oops. Nowhere in sight. Me, Jamie and Buddy decide that 5am is late enough and get up to go look for her. We head back to the girls room, and she’s scared to open the door. So of course, this is where I come in. I take her key, quietly slip it in the door, then throw the door open full force and pounce into the room.
It’s empty. No one there, and the beds are still made. Hrm. They couldn’t go back to his room, his wife is there. Where are they? We give up. So we hang out on the balcony for a bit, watching the boat pull into Puerto Rico. The PR guys from the top deck are hanging out over the railings, singing the national anthem of PR at the top of their lungs, yelling and having a grand old time. It’s pretty funny.
Eventually Buddy gets tired, says he’s gonna take off. That’s my cue. And even though she admitted to my face that she has a boyfriend, it didn’t seem to stop her one bit. Apparently she wanted one last good night before going home. Let me tell you, she got it. I really have to stop though, cuz I’m going to get way too full of myself.
So I pass out for like 20 minutes, leave around 6:30 or so, and I run into Merri and Craig looking for a hot tub. Something funny goin on there, huh? Turns out they went to find a hot tub and heard moaning, grunting and “Oh my god, Oh my god” coming from the one hot tub that was open. So they passed on that one. I told them I thought it was Heather and Bob, and they laughed their asses off. They thought she sounded like a NY/NJ girl. We’re good, what can I say?
Anyway I was way too worn out from the drinking and personal attention to go check the hot tub, so I went back to my room to pass out at around 7am or so.
Only to be woken up on my last day at 8:15am by a very large, angry Englishman.
I had gotten in around 6:45 or so in the morning. And I had forgotten Mini-Mustifa’s decree, that all passengers who enter the island of St. Thomas must first pass through US Immigration. Which means you have to show your Seapass and either passport or birth certificate to get onto the island.
Unfortunately, This process takes place between 7:00am and 8:30am for all passengers. Which means that at 7:30am, Kevin came pounding on the door, tasked to wake up all the children again by Mini-Mustifa. After an hour of sleep, and a lot of hard work on my part, I was still very much out of it.
I decided that I didn’t really care about getting off, so if they wanted me to show, they’d get me at my worst. I put on Mat’s boat shoes, the khakis I wore 2 days earlier and my volleyball medal. And that’s it. I wandered across the ship in tight Italian leather loafers, barechest, with a wake-up Bud Light in hand. I can’t tell you how classy I looked. And smelled, probably.
Went through the line, showed my Seapass and passport. Mat was right in front of me, I had to skip him cuz I knew he’d be hassled about everything since he didn’t have a license. And he was, but it only took a few minutes anyway.
I thought maybe I could make it to breakfast for once. Of course, I was wrong. I made a beeline for my bed, stripped again and went back to sleep. I think Mini-Mustifa finally woke us back up around 11:30 or so. Precious, precious sleep. How I miss you.
Me, Train, Jesse, Kristy, Merri, Big Tom and Mustifa all wanted to go snorkeling, so we got off the boat to find a cab for Koki Beach. Little bit further away, much better beach and cooler fish. Get off the boat and start looking for cabs.
Jesse finds a few drivers, and announces he wants a 2 dollar cab ride, and that’s all he’s paying. This short black guy runs up and starts yelling at him, saying it’s US law that he charges $7/person for the ride to Koki beach and if any of his drivers charge less, he’ll yell at them and blah blah blah. He actually shut Jesse right up, it was great.
We jump on the cabs, and then we remember that St. Thomas has left side driving. Talk about confusing. The worst part about it: the traffic circle. A left handed, counter-clockwise circle completely blew my mind away. I needed more beer. Plus the fact that the ride was uphill, around corners, swerving and swaying. I definitely needed more beer.
We got to Koki beach, jumped out and told the cabbie to meet us back at 4:00pm. We wanted to do a little shopping before getting on the boat around 5pm. Big Tom and Mustifa grabbed some lounge chairs, while me, Train and Jesse went to rent snorkel equipment. Decent stuff, good enough for our intents.
Jump in the water, start to swim around and get used to it. It’s beautiful. It’s around 85 out, and the water has to be around 75. Amazing for ocean water. Absolutely beautiful, crystal clear out to about 50 feet. I was in love.
We snorkeled for an hour, maybe an hour and a half. The three of us went all over the whole beach, including the reefs and rocks that were to the east. The guy who rented us the snorkels gave us each a handful of dog bones that the fish love to eat, so we’d randomly break up the bones and the fish would swarm. I’ll put up some of the pictures I have of the fish later, they really were amazing. They looked like big tiger barbs, but in swarms of 40-50 fish at a time. Just amazing.
Eventually, around 3:30pm we wanted to leave, so we started to head up to find a new cabbie, since we thought ours wasn’t going to be back til 4pm. Apparently he waited for us, because there he was in the same parking spot, waving at us. Cool. We all jumped in, rode back to the boat for some quick shopping.
Got back to the boat and I remembered I had to call Nikki. She hosed me for the $50 room credit (which I still don’t have) so I was determined to call her and let her know what’s up, and that she has to fix it, before the end of the cruise. I tell Train and Jesse I’ll be at the phones, to come find me after they change. So I jump on a payphone and try to use my calling card to get to the US. Turns out I need 50 cents to use the phone for an 800 number. What kinda crap is that? Bah.
So instead I go with Big Tom and Merri to buy Tom a new digital camera. The guy at the store was pretty good, showed us a few models. After a while we went with a Konica-Minolta, 5.1 megapixel, came in a bundle with a bunch of other stuff for $300. Pretty good price, nice camera. I’m a fan, and so was Big Tom. I also had the guy make change of a dollar for me. Sweet.
By the time I get back to the phone, Jesse and Tom are gone, so I just make my call. 50 cents, 800 number, then Nikki’s number. Apparently international calls take a lot of minutes, so my quarted filled phone card nets me 7 minutes of talk time. Damn. Merri is sitting around waiting for me, she laughs at 7 minutes. I finally get through and get the receptionist, and tell her I need to talk to Nikki. She says Nikki has 2 calls on hold, 2 people waiting in the waiting area and is at her desk with a client now, can she take a message? I informed her (politely) that I was in St. Thomas on a cruise that Nikki booked, I have a problem with something she did, and I have 7 minutes left to talk on my phone card. Could she please put Nikki on?
She puts me on hold and Nikki comes on within about 20 seconds. Adam, what’s wrong, is everything ok? She knows that if I’m calling from St. Thomas, something’s up. I inform her (again, politely, but to the point since I have six minutes left) that the credit she promised would be on my room isn’t, and I need it put on my room by the end of the day since after that, they close out the accounts and it wont take effect. I also tell her I’m displeased with the way she’s handled the issue so far, as I’ve had 2 confirmations from her that this was taken care of promptly.
Her response was “Adam, please, talk to me like a person here.”
Then, I flipped out. I told her at no point did I raise my voice, curse or belittle her, and that I was only asking for what I was previously told I already had. Merri bursts out laughing, asking how she could think I was yelling at her. I’m inclined to agree. Nikki agrees to straighten things out immediately, and to fax the ship when she’s done with it. Fine, thanks, goodbye. What a dirty pirate hooker that lady is.
Since I missed Train and Jesse, Merri invited me to take a walk while she bought some perfume. She wanted the new Britney Spears perfume. Apparently it smells nice, but she doesn’t want to be seen actually paying for it, since Spears is a whore. So we go to 2 or 3 different stores, none have it. Finally find one with it, and it’s a big girly bottle with a gay looking sprayer. I’m so happy for Merri. Now we have more to make fun of her for. I was going to get postcards for people at home, my parents, my sister, Manda. But then I realized I hate when people do that to me, so forget it.
We’re walking back towards the ship and we see Train and Jesse coming up behind us, each carrying a case of beer. Jesse has Heineken and Train has El Presidente. Good stuff. We head towards the ship, get in line to get back on.
When you re-enter, you swipe your Seapass, hear a “Ding” and go through the detector. As we’re on line, we hear two big “Nooooo” sounds, means rejected. It happens, sometimes a card gets demagnetized. Then we keep hearing it. Then we see two people walking back down the line saying “Well our boat is only a little smaller than this one, they look practically identical.” No they don’t idiot, ours is twice the size of yours with a hundred yellow lifeboats. Yours is tiny with white ones. Just look up. Dumbass.
Get back up to the rooms, and start stealing every bucket and pail we can find. Garbage pails, ice buckets, food tubs from the room attendants, anything. Then we order ten buckets of ice from room service. Our room attendant comes by, so I get a pail full of ice. And I see where he gets it from. And I wedge something in the door to keep it open. Now we empty the ice machine, almost completely, and fill everything we can find. All our Presidentes and Heinekens are going to be icy fresh.
We sit around drinking in Jesse and Merri’s room for a while, enjoying beers and wine. Well, mostly the wine was Kristy and Merri. Mostly Kristy. So of course she’s drunk and her and Train start fighting again. She really goes off the handle for almost anything. Whatever.
Then Merri starts making fun of Jesse and his floozes, calling him a manwhore and a crafty butcher. Then she calls him a bad wop, and Jesse’s had enough. His only comeback line is “Oh yeah? Bad wop? So tell me Merri, what’s 26 minus 19?” And she shuts up, instantly. Amazing. She’s never shut up like that before, ever. I was shocked. It was great.
More drinking was done, and then we went and changed for dinner.
Get down to dinner, it was a good last feast. At one point, someone calls Jesse a crafty butcher at the table, and Kevin laughs. Jesse announces that he is once again, a crafty butcher. Kevin motions him over, and says “You do know what that means, right?” Jesse explains it how he heard it, all wrong of course. Then Kevin lets him know it means “a man who sneaks his meat in around the back.” Jesse is floored, his jaw drops, and he looks to us. We all burst out laughing, telling him it’s the truth. He’s been calling himself that all week. He starts laughing his ass off, saying how good that one was. We love it.
The final night, all the waiters, head waiters and assistant waiters do a big musical dance number. I had a picture, but since I was far back it didn’t come out so well. It was pretty cool. We kept cheering for our waiters, Dragos and Jorge. And then at the end when it got all quiet, Zach yelled “Jorge get back here we need more water” and the entire place erupted in laughter. We really are the party.
Back up to the rooms to drink some more. Plenty of Presidente and Heinekens left. We drink, hang out, have a blast. I had to go back to the room to pack a little, cuz I forgot to do it earlier. All the bags that aren’t carry-ons have to be out by midnight to be scanned and searched. Did that quick, went back to the room, had a few more beers. Then Craig wants to go to the casino, and Jeremy and Zach want to go with him. Most of us head to the casino, but since I’m not a gambling man, I grabbed some beers and headed to the Jester by myself.
Show up and the place is dead. Apparently it’s Latino music night, and there’s about 10 people on the dance floor and that’s it. There’s a few guys and girls at the bar, but otherwise, it’s empty. I sit with the guys, grab a bucket and a few more beers. I talk to them for a few, talk to the girls for a few. They’re all bored. I decide to go to the pool deck to see what’s happening.
We get upstairs, it’s also dead. No one in the Solarium, no one in the pools, nothing. Can’t believe it. Last night, and people are giving up. Bastards. Then I remember what I heard someone mention earlier in the day.
Beer pong.
The whole lot of us go to the other end of the pool deck and sure enough, the ping pong table is missing. We head to the other side of the ship and there it is, and the other table, a dozen ping pong balls, 20 people and countless beers. I have arrived at my junior year of college, transplanted into the future. It’s great.
Of course, Jamie and Heather are there. I swear they know where I’m going to be. The Jersey guys are there too. So I watch the two games of beer pong that are going on for a while, apparently the one team has been on the table for 9 games already. Pretty good. They’re also playing flip cup on the side of the table, while the beer pong is going on. I like their multitasking. Heather is on one table playing pong so I go mock her abilities for a while, and talk to Jamie. She makes me promise I’ll go for beers with her before last call, which is in a half hour or so. I make my rounds, flirt with the girls, talk to the guys. My cousins all show up, since they got bored with the casino.
At around 2:55am, we realize last call is 5 minutes away, so me and Jamie rush downstairs to get beers. I want buckets of bud light, and so does she. Finally rubbed off on her. Well, maybe this is the second time. Anyway, they’re out of buckets. The guy next to me orders a garbage bag full of beer, gets like 6 or 7 and some ice. I said sure, give me one of those. Then the little black guy runs in the back and comes out with the champion, a giant tray. Filled with ice, it can hold around 20 beers. I know because we got a half dozen Coors light, half dozen Miller lite (they were out of bud light), and a half dozen Heineken. Then the kicker comes.
A guy I met earlier in the week, he’s a teacher from Jersey. Cool guy, like 6’3, maybe 275. Big. Turns out he’s a personal friend of Jim Norton, one of the funniest comedians ever. I’m instantly a fan of this guy. Although I forget his name. Anyway, this guy says ok, all those are on me. Blows like $75 on the beers, it was awesome of him. So I bought him another 6 of Heineken for his troubles. I’m cool like that. And I invite him up to play pong with us, since he unknowingly bought half the beer for the games. I think he was trying to look big for Jamie, cuz she’s hot and all, but screw that, I’m drinking up.
We leave the bar, the three of us, and I got him to take a quick picture of me, Jamie and my beer. I think I put that one up a few days ago. Elevator upstairs, and as I turn the corner I raise the beer tub over my head and give a hearty “Y-O” for all to hear. My cousins respond in kind, and cheers abound as I shower beer down upon the masses. I am good.
Adam from Jersey finds me, and we get on the table for the next game, which turns out to be Merri and Craig, after they beat Heather and married Wisconsin guy. So me and Adam team up to take them down. Longest. Game. Ever. Stupid windows were open in the enclosure, and the balls would literally do a 180 in mid flight. Sucky. In the end though, we took them down. A&A rocked, hardcore. He had an awesome arc shot. Really, amazing to see the angles.
We go sit down after that, cuz most of the party was starting to die out, since it was around 4:45am. Me and Jamie and Buddy talking, and Heather and random married Wisconsin guy. I’m gonna call him Bob so I don’t have to type out that whole name anymore.
Bob is kinda rubbing all over her, kissing her neck, etc. Jamie is freaked out, because as it turns out, they both have boyfriends at home (oops). Even worse though is that Bob is married, and his wife and kids are asleep downstairs. Wow, quality men out there.
We’re all BS’ing for a few, and start talking to some Puerto Rican guys who came up on deck with some sort of homemade hooch. Apparently too much will make you go blind, and it looks like Ecto Cooler (remember that?), but it tastes amazing and a glass or two will knock you down. So I of course take a swig, proclaim that it is well and good, down another cup and sit back to relax some more. The PR guys keep passing it out to other people around them.
Turn back around, and Heather and Bob are gone. Oops. Nowhere in sight. Me, Jamie and Buddy decide that 5am is late enough and get up to go look for her. We head back to the girls room, and she’s scared to open the door. So of course, this is where I come in. I take her key, quietly slip it in the door, then throw the door open full force and pounce into the room.
It’s empty. No one there, and the beds are still made. Hrm. They couldn’t go back to his room, his wife is there. Where are they? We give up. So we hang out on the balcony for a bit, watching the boat pull into Puerto Rico. The PR guys from the top deck are hanging out over the railings, singing the national anthem of PR at the top of their lungs, yelling and having a grand old time. It’s pretty funny.
Eventually Buddy gets tired, says he’s gonna take off. That’s my cue. And even though she admitted to my face that she has a boyfriend, it didn’t seem to stop her one bit. Apparently she wanted one last good night before going home. Let me tell you, she got it. I really have to stop though, cuz I’m going to get way too full of myself.
So I pass out for like 20 minutes, leave around 6:30 or so, and I run into Merri and Craig looking for a hot tub. Something funny goin on there, huh? Turns out they went to find a hot tub and heard moaning, grunting and “Oh my god, Oh my god” coming from the one hot tub that was open. So they passed on that one. I told them I thought it was Heather and Bob, and they laughed their asses off. They thought she sounded like a NY/NJ girl. We’re good, what can I say?
Anyway I was way too worn out from the drinking and personal attention to go check the hot tub, so I went back to my room to pass out at around 7am or so.
Only to be woken up on my last day at 8:15am by a very large, angry Englishman.