(no subject)
i went to the scholarship thing on friday. i bombed. i feel like a failure. i was so nervous it wasn't even funny. the people there were extremely nice and wonderful, i just sucked. i feel as if i'm not good enough to go there, they're all so wonderful. there were four other girls, that were skinny, and had long hair, all all but one person was going for tech, which is nice to know i'm not the only one, but they also didn't have to worry about monologues. ag. i just keep running through it, running over their faces, knowing that i'm not going to get anything from them, they probably think i'm a joke. what am i going to do. i'm scared, i feel like crying, and no one but the three guys and me know how horribly i bombed. they were so nice, i wish i coulda shown them my best. the four other girls i was with, were nice, they really were. i didn't have time to cry after my monologues, they rushed me right up to have an interview with the next people, i didn't have time to cry after that, i haven't had time to just cry. i don't want to talk about any of it. i'm not talking about it on monday, i refuse. hildreth won't like that, but you know...i'll talk about it when i'm ready.