well, here it is, my first entry titled: AAAARRRGGGG!!!! :)
ugh.. ok... i am using this time to vent. it's 3am and i decided "hey why not. no class tomorrow". my mind is swimming right now. i am trying to go over stuff in my head and it's always the same thing. stress. mostly money issues. why did i have to buy that laptop? looking at it right now, i think that it would be usefull to have and it could come in handy for future use (like for when i move) but then watch me not use it as much as i think i am going to be. nevertheless, i still have to make payments on it. on my meager salary. and i am going to try to get it paid off in 90 days so that i don't accrue interest on top of it. and then the credit card bill. and my phone bill. and i make nothing. almost. i am hoping that this new job i am training for works out. supposedly they promise a lot more money than what i am getting now. and i can go to school (part time) and work the job i am at now at the same time. trying to sort out schedules is difficult.
my english paper. most of it is done. but now i am getting lazy and don't want to do the rest. the rough draft. the finaly paper. the former due next week. the latter in two weeks. ugh. i know i will get it done. its just the thought of doing it.
people at work are pissing me off. they think that they are so funny with their stupid "jail jokes" when they don't even know the situation. they say that they are just joking around and i know that that is what they think, but to me they are just being really insensitive to me and how i feel. the jokes are old now and no longer funny and yet they don't stop. even when i have asked them to. and today was a bad day to joke with me about it. explanation follows
to top it all off, along comes this situation: i was awakened at 730 this morning by my cell going off. i shot up in bed half asleep.. ok more than half asleep (i don't remember even sitting up in bed till i was reaching for my phone) to see that there was some name i couldn't quite remember (remember i was half asleep) but i knew that it had to be a name i knew or else i wouldn't have put it in my phonebook. so i picked it up. "hello?" i say in the most groggy voice only to get greeted by a "hey baby!" i was like huh? who? what? but of course i didnt actually say that. it took me a minute to realize that it was EJ. i looked at the clock at this time. realizing it was 730. and i figured i didnt have to get up till 11. but i didnt care. it was EJ! and being half asleep, i don't remember exactly what was said except for the reason that he was calling me. it turns out that he was calling to tell me that he had to leave the job that he is working at becuz he was in tremendous pain. he could barely stand. i was all perplexed and extremely concerned and still am. it turns out that the hernia that he has had for a couple of years now (that we both knew about but he hadn't bothered to get checked) is only now beginning to act up on him and cause him pain and discomfort. he had to wait to get picked up by one of the people in charge of work release (the bitch lady as we call her) and he was using the time that he had before she came to pick him up to talk to me to let me know what was going on. he told me that he was "hurting bad" as he put it and had to be taken to the infirmary and i am hoping that he has gone to the hospital to get it taken care of. and that requires surgery. but he had to get off of the phone with me (after 11 minutes) because he couldn't bare to stand any longer. (he had to stand when he was using the phone) we said our choruses of "i love you's" and he told me to watch my email (there is a guard i correspond with over there that knows him) so i could be updated with his condition. and the sucky part is that i tried to call over there to find out what is going on with him but of course they can't tell me anything becuz of doctor-patient confidentiality. so now i don't know what the hell is going on and i don't know what they are doing or how he is or even if he went to the hospital or not. they can't even tell me if he is there in the infirmary (i knew that he was). so i now have to rely on these emails and on him to call me. if he feels well enough to get to the phone. i am completely in the dark and am scared as hell and worried sick becuz i dont know what is going on or how he is. i have probably checked my email about 5 different times today (i normally check it only once usually every other day). it just sucks really bad becuz i just want to go and be next to him while he is going through this. and i can't. i don't like hearing about him being like this. i know he must be in terrible pain if he is saying anything about it. he doesn't take medicine. he always says the only time he would take medication or go to a hospital would be if you made him. now he is asking to go. normally his motto is "walk it off" or something in those terms. i have never seen or in this case, heard, about him being in such a weakened condition. i am not used to it. and i am wracked with worry. i don't know what to do. i feel so helpless. i think now, at almost 4am, i am going to go to bed and cry a little. maybe that will aleviate some of the stress of this situation. i just have to wait for tomorrow to hear anything if anything. i love him. i don't want anything to happen to him.
and that was my first journal entry ever...
my english paper. most of it is done. but now i am getting lazy and don't want to do the rest. the rough draft. the finaly paper. the former due next week. the latter in two weeks. ugh. i know i will get it done. its just the thought of doing it.
people at work are pissing me off. they think that they are so funny with their stupid "jail jokes" when they don't even know the situation. they say that they are just joking around and i know that that is what they think, but to me they are just being really insensitive to me and how i feel. the jokes are old now and no longer funny and yet they don't stop. even when i have asked them to. and today was a bad day to joke with me about it. explanation follows
to top it all off, along comes this situation: i was awakened at 730 this morning by my cell going off. i shot up in bed half asleep.. ok more than half asleep (i don't remember even sitting up in bed till i was reaching for my phone) to see that there was some name i couldn't quite remember (remember i was half asleep) but i knew that it had to be a name i knew or else i wouldn't have put it in my phonebook. so i picked it up. "hello?" i say in the most groggy voice only to get greeted by a "hey baby!" i was like huh? who? what? but of course i didnt actually say that. it took me a minute to realize that it was EJ. i looked at the clock at this time. realizing it was 730. and i figured i didnt have to get up till 11. but i didnt care. it was EJ! and being half asleep, i don't remember exactly what was said except for the reason that he was calling me. it turns out that he was calling to tell me that he had to leave the job that he is working at becuz he was in tremendous pain. he could barely stand. i was all perplexed and extremely concerned and still am. it turns out that the hernia that he has had for a couple of years now (that we both knew about but he hadn't bothered to get checked) is only now beginning to act up on him and cause him pain and discomfort. he had to wait to get picked up by one of the people in charge of work release (the bitch lady as we call her) and he was using the time that he had before she came to pick him up to talk to me to let me know what was going on. he told me that he was "hurting bad" as he put it and had to be taken to the infirmary and i am hoping that he has gone to the hospital to get it taken care of. and that requires surgery. but he had to get off of the phone with me (after 11 minutes) because he couldn't bare to stand any longer. (he had to stand when he was using the phone) we said our choruses of "i love you's" and he told me to watch my email (there is a guard i correspond with over there that knows him) so i could be updated with his condition. and the sucky part is that i tried to call over there to find out what is going on with him but of course they can't tell me anything becuz of doctor-patient confidentiality. so now i don't know what the hell is going on and i don't know what they are doing or how he is or even if he went to the hospital or not. they can't even tell me if he is there in the infirmary (i knew that he was). so i now have to rely on these emails and on him to call me. if he feels well enough to get to the phone. i am completely in the dark and am scared as hell and worried sick becuz i dont know what is going on or how he is. i have probably checked my email about 5 different times today (i normally check it only once usually every other day). it just sucks really bad becuz i just want to go and be next to him while he is going through this. and i can't. i don't like hearing about him being like this. i know he must be in terrible pain if he is saying anything about it. he doesn't take medicine. he always says the only time he would take medication or go to a hospital would be if you made him. now he is asking to go. normally his motto is "walk it off" or something in those terms. i have never seen or in this case, heard, about him being in such a weakened condition. i am not used to it. and i am wracked with worry. i don't know what to do. i feel so helpless. i think now, at almost 4am, i am going to go to bed and cry a little. maybe that will aleviate some of the stress of this situation. i just have to wait for tomorrow to hear anything if anything. i love him. i don't want anything to happen to him.
and that was my first journal entry ever...