(no subject)
I havent written on here in a while. I am losing more and more interest in writing here. The things that I am facing and having to deal with are not being helped by writing on here. I do feel that my time that I did spend sitting and writing and clearing my mind was helpful, but now I am going into my 2nd year of college, I have met many people since I left high school yet I still have this burning hole of emptiness filling me, keeping me awake at night, making me aware of pain that only I can feel. A lot of events happen recently, a lot happend that has just made me think more and more, I just really dont know what to do anymore. I do know that sitting here feeling sorry for myself is not going to do a thing for me. Having other people feel sorry for me is just going to lead to the same result. I dont need anyone elses sympathy. I am just writing this to try and clear my mind for one final time. This is the last time that I open myself, the last time I show the real me. The funny thing is Ive been sitting here online now and the supposed friends I do have are not talking to me. I try to talk to them, I try to make plans with them, try to get out, yet it always leads to the same thing. Go out with a group of people, I speak no one hears me, so I just shut myself out to the world and just try to enjoy my solitude. Even after being told by a pyschic I am to be married, I still feel I am destined to live a life of solidarity, to be alone with my thought, not being able to share my emotions, bring happiness to others. I feel that there is not much left I can do. I am just going to end my final entry now, I am just rambling and rambling and probably making less and less sense now. If you know me personally and do not hear from me in a while, do not worry I am still around, I do not plan on leaving quite yet. There are still things to be done, places to see. I just want to say one final thank you for all of you who have been there for me in the past-present-future, I always appreciated it, no matter how little the help was. Take care to everyone, I will see you all no matter what in the END......