Self Pity, More Drama
Not to sound harsh or judgmental, but it has become evident to me that certain people in the world are so consumed with their own self-pity that they drive themselves to be miserable, along with those around them.
First, it is important to consider that self-pity is an entirely separate issue from depression/grief/sadness. One cannot simply throw around the term “self-pity” to just anyone. There are many people who are legitimately depressed and want help. However, this ‘editorial,’ if you will, deals with those individuals who crave sympathy from other people, their ‘friends.’ They believe that through the sympathy and attention of others, they will receive a flow of positive, happy feelings. This works to an extent, except that dependence on support from other people is similar to a chemical dependence: the high soon wears off, and they need another fix.
Although the majority of people are not self-pitying, it seems that most everyone knows one or two people who just can never be happy with their lives. No matter how much other people point out the wonderful aspects of their lives, they do not have the courage to face the brightness. Why, you ask? The answer is simple: accepting the blessings in their lives means that they no longer have a reason to feel sorry for themselves.
For example, there is someone in my life (for sake of reference, lets call her Jane) who is never happy with what she has in life. Jane has a definite martyr complex: things are always bad and getting worse. AND - she feels the need to broadcast it to ANYONE who will listen, especially me. I’m a social work student concentrating on mental health and gerontology, so I suppose I’m a good victim. Every time we speak, I hear all about how her life is a mess. At times, it even seems that she is bragging about the difficulty of her life, as if comparing it to my ‘easy’ life. I have realized that your outlook on life greatly affects how you look at your life - personally, I have always tried to take the heartaches with the blessings, and be thankful for both - they have formed who I am today. However, Jane has no such positive outlook, and never even hints at being satisfied. When I witness the “horrible” conditions of her life, I come to realize that they just aren’t there to the extent of what I hear about. I have discovered that she only craves sympathy, and I try to give out as much as possible without perpetuating her dismal attitude.
I also know many people who have things much worse than she ever will, and I never hear one bit of complaining or whining. They look at what they have in life, they appreciate it, and do the best they can with it. I could try to convince Jane all day that she is blessed to have a roof over her head, a great family, money, and love - but to her, none of that matters. She has a one-track mind, heading towards complete egocentrism. And, the ironic part is that sooner or later, she’ll have no “friends” left --- after all, who wants to be friends with someone like that? It’s NOT fun.
First, it is important to consider that self-pity is an entirely separate issue from depression/grief/sadness. One cannot simply throw around the term “self-pity” to just anyone. There are many people who are legitimately depressed and want help. However, this ‘editorial,’ if you will, deals with those individuals who crave sympathy from other people, their ‘friends.’ They believe that through the sympathy and attention of others, they will receive a flow of positive, happy feelings. This works to an extent, except that dependence on support from other people is similar to a chemical dependence: the high soon wears off, and they need another fix.
Although the majority of people are not self-pitying, it seems that most everyone knows one or two people who just can never be happy with their lives. No matter how much other people point out the wonderful aspects of their lives, they do not have the courage to face the brightness. Why, you ask? The answer is simple: accepting the blessings in their lives means that they no longer have a reason to feel sorry for themselves.
For example, there is someone in my life (for sake of reference, lets call her Jane) who is never happy with what she has in life. Jane has a definite martyr complex: things are always bad and getting worse. AND - she feels the need to broadcast it to ANYONE who will listen, especially me. I’m a social work student concentrating on mental health and gerontology, so I suppose I’m a good victim. Every time we speak, I hear all about how her life is a mess. At times, it even seems that she is bragging about the difficulty of her life, as if comparing it to my ‘easy’ life. I have realized that your outlook on life greatly affects how you look at your life - personally, I have always tried to take the heartaches with the blessings, and be thankful for both - they have formed who I am today. However, Jane has no such positive outlook, and never even hints at being satisfied. When I witness the “horrible” conditions of her life, I come to realize that they just aren’t there to the extent of what I hear about. I have discovered that she only craves sympathy, and I try to give out as much as possible without perpetuating her dismal attitude.
I also know many people who have things much worse than she ever will, and I never hear one bit of complaining or whining. They look at what they have in life, they appreciate it, and do the best they can with it. I could try to convince Jane all day that she is blessed to have a roof over her head, a great family, money, and love - but to her, none of that matters. She has a one-track mind, heading towards complete egocentrism. And, the ironic part is that sooner or later, she’ll have no “friends” left --- after all, who wants to be friends with someone like that? It’s NOT fun.