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in essence this is what i couldnt come up with last night, Nance...this is all directed towards you. i thought hard about what i wanted to say...
im just stressed out and raging like hell. i have basically everything ive ever hated bottled up inside me, ready to explode. whether its just a bad memory, something thats been nagging me for years, or drunken assholes down the hallway making noise at 4 in the morning... ive just had enough. i need a release of some kind. i just want to beat someone to a pulp... just slap the piss right out of them. but you know i wont do that... youve said it yourself... and honestly that has bothered me ever since the day you said it. it made me feel weak. like you dont think i can handle myself. for a guy thats the biggest letdown you can send his way. this is not the main cause of what im feeling right now, but it just adds to it.
to start, theres just a lot going on at school right now and im not used to it. i had a physics test today where the professor left vital info out and told us to assume what wasnt there. also, he said that 30mph = 1.34 m/s uhh... WHAT?!? that and that 1lb = 2.2kg. after about 10minutes of arguing with the guy (who has a PhD btw) we basically just said "fine... THAT is what we will use regardless of what it should be". on top of ot all, we havent had physics in like 3 weeks cause the teacher is abitch and never shows up. english, i have that retarded essay due thursday that i keep getting asked about by classmates... ugh. i just need summer to come now and have it over and done with.
to add to that, while talking to you last night basically EVERYTHING bad that has ever happened to you that i know about came rushing back to me when we got onto that subject... all the bad breakups, the people that did terrible things to you, the mistakes youve made, the fights, the crying, all of it... i basically forced myself to forget those things. i dont WANT to remember how terrible it was. i dont want to relive any of that. i know that its harder for you to get over those things because you had to endure them, but i was right there beside you the entire way... i do have to say that, god forbid, that we had to relive it, i wouldnt change a thing. i honestly think all that made us better friends in the end.
the cherry on top is the girl trouble im having. for those uninformed, ive been having "nice guys finish last" shoved faaaaaaaaar down my throat... not only by those advising me, but by those who are also trying to earn this girls affection. thats whats bothering me. this douchebag really only wants to sleep with this girl cause its like a game that hes playing... people think this girls kinda nuts cause shes kinda loud and obnoxious... simply put, shes from east haven lol, and seeing as everyone thinks shes nuts, they avoid her. in essence he wants to get in her pants just because no one else will... its like a fucking bet almost. it disgusts me. she is NOT a piece of meat. no woman is. i think since ive been in college my views on women have changed dramatically. in high school i was like "meh. girls are just dudes with different parts and interests...k..." but now, after hearing what the guy down the hall has done... all the girls he has been with where he slept with them and never called them or anything... it just goes against everything i believe in, and i think that even if it was the girl who initiated it, the guy is still to blame. HE could have stopped and said "woah... what the hell am i about to do?" its just against my moral code. im not saying having sex for fun is wrong... doing it so you can say "THAT is who i did last night" is fucking unbearable.
i just want to get my facts straight on an issue thats bothering me.
the nice guy vs jerky guy.
the nice guy - does nice things ALL the time, selfless, treats others with the respect they deserve, thinks he is going out of his way to do things for others in hopes that his good deeds will be seen and admired. more often than not are seen as weak. may not put too much effort into physical appearance because he is happy with what he has and doesnt need to artificially make it better. girls are generally indifferent to this guy. some like them, most go to -
the jerky guy - incredibly selfish, but it comes off as being charismatic or charming. dominant in the fact that he may be muscular or puts way too much energy into making himself look good. genetics and instinct lead girls to this guy because of alpha male traits, but in the long run do not get the treatment they ultimately are looking for.
girls, am i at least close?
so there. thats about it in a nutshell. thats why i was freaking out.
in closing,
im just stressed out and raging like hell. i have basically everything ive ever hated bottled up inside me, ready to explode. whether its just a bad memory, something thats been nagging me for years, or drunken assholes down the hallway making noise at 4 in the morning... ive just had enough. i need a release of some kind. i just want to beat someone to a pulp... just slap the piss right out of them. but you know i wont do that... youve said it yourself... and honestly that has bothered me ever since the day you said it. it made me feel weak. like you dont think i can handle myself. for a guy thats the biggest letdown you can send his way. this is not the main cause of what im feeling right now, but it just adds to it.
to start, theres just a lot going on at school right now and im not used to it. i had a physics test today where the professor left vital info out and told us to assume what wasnt there. also, he said that 30mph = 1.34 m/s uhh... WHAT?!? that and that 1lb = 2.2kg. after about 10minutes of arguing with the guy (who has a PhD btw) we basically just said "fine... THAT is what we will use regardless of what it should be". on top of ot all, we havent had physics in like 3 weeks cause the teacher is abitch and never shows up. english, i have that retarded essay due thursday that i keep getting asked about by classmates... ugh. i just need summer to come now and have it over and done with.
to add to that, while talking to you last night basically EVERYTHING bad that has ever happened to you that i know about came rushing back to me when we got onto that subject... all the bad breakups, the people that did terrible things to you, the mistakes youve made, the fights, the crying, all of it... i basically forced myself to forget those things. i dont WANT to remember how terrible it was. i dont want to relive any of that. i know that its harder for you to get over those things because you had to endure them, but i was right there beside you the entire way... i do have to say that, god forbid, that we had to relive it, i wouldnt change a thing. i honestly think all that made us better friends in the end.
the cherry on top is the girl trouble im having. for those uninformed, ive been having "nice guys finish last" shoved faaaaaaaaar down my throat... not only by those advising me, but by those who are also trying to earn this girls affection. thats whats bothering me. this douchebag really only wants to sleep with this girl cause its like a game that hes playing... people think this girls kinda nuts cause shes kinda loud and obnoxious... simply put, shes from east haven lol, and seeing as everyone thinks shes nuts, they avoid her. in essence he wants to get in her pants just because no one else will... its like a fucking bet almost. it disgusts me. she is NOT a piece of meat. no woman is. i think since ive been in college my views on women have changed dramatically. in high school i was like "meh. girls are just dudes with different parts and interests...k..." but now, after hearing what the guy down the hall has done... all the girls he has been with where he slept with them and never called them or anything... it just goes against everything i believe in, and i think that even if it was the girl who initiated it, the guy is still to blame. HE could have stopped and said "woah... what the hell am i about to do?" its just against my moral code. im not saying having sex for fun is wrong... doing it so you can say "THAT is who i did last night" is fucking unbearable.
i just want to get my facts straight on an issue thats bothering me.
the nice guy vs jerky guy.
the nice guy - does nice things ALL the time, selfless, treats others with the respect they deserve, thinks he is going out of his way to do things for others in hopes that his good deeds will be seen and admired. more often than not are seen as weak. may not put too much effort into physical appearance because he is happy with what he has and doesnt need to artificially make it better. girls are generally indifferent to this guy. some like them, most go to -
the jerky guy - incredibly selfish, but it comes off as being charismatic or charming. dominant in the fact that he may be muscular or puts way too much energy into making himself look good. genetics and instinct lead girls to this guy because of alpha male traits, but in the long run do not get the treatment they ultimately are looking for.
girls, am i at least close?
so there. thats about it in a nutshell. thats why i was freaking out.
in closing,
