Bedroom Sports
Pairing: 10/Jack
Challenge: Sports
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Notes: Bedroom sports at the Olympics J
RUSSELL: Welcome to the 2392 Earth Olympics. We are your commentators, I am Russell Traven
TRACY: And I am Tracy Tebbut. Today we are going to be witnessing the bedroom sports. First off: the Male/Male Seducing finals!
RUSSELL: In this contest we hand pick male aliens, specific to the athlete’s requirements so that they may be seduced.
TRACY: This is a hard sport to compete in Russell, as not only is it a race but we are also looking at the athlete’s technique as well. The object is to use the right techniques to seduce your partner as quickly as possible and to get them into bed.
RUSSELL: Hard as it may be Tracy, I have seen a hot move or too… and here comes the first athlete in this last round.
TRACY: First out we have seven times galaxy champion and here to defend his title Captain Jack Harkness representing Earth.
RUSSELL: And the stadium has gone wild at his appearance. This is a man who has charisma, amazing looks and a dashing smile. He loves his fans and would do anything for them. There is nothing… Hold on. He isn’t going to surely? Oh yes he is! Captain Jack is running around the stadium blowing kisses at the fans and pulling poses for the cameras. I have to say those muscles are quite a treat. How do you think he does it?
TRACY: I have no idea but it’s a secret well kept as this roguish Captain does not answer to anyone! He is speaking to the Queen of Earth; two long time friends… and oh my gosh was that a kiss?
RUSSELL: I think it was!
TRACY: Captain Jack Harkness has just kissed the Queen of Earth! Is there nothing this man cannot do?
RUSSELL: Oops! Looks like a warning for him there by the judges. He is to stand at the starting pole and wait for his partner to arrive.
TRACY: He doesn’t look too happy about that does he?
RUSSELL: Not too happy at all but not for long as the Captain is now being blindfolded to allow his partner to approach.
TRACY: I’ve been asked a few times why they do this. To be honest I don’t have a clue. Any thoughts Russell?
RUSSELL: It’s part of the rules that any and all flirting should take place when the gun sounds. The blind fold in there to make sure that the partners don’t make any eye contact which could enhance the athlete’s chance of winning.
TRACY: And it looks like we have a special treat for the Captain this year. I can see his partner walking in now with his national flag. I’m not sure I’ve seen that flag before. Have you Russell?
RUSSELL: Only in story books and myths. It’s the one and only flag for the high temple of Gallifrey and there walking beneath is the man himself: The Doctor. I’ve never been so excited in this Olympic Games Tracy!
TRACY: I’m sure Jack Harkness will be thoroughly thrilled. The screaming in the stadium has reached a high point I think Russell!
RUSSELL: The Time lord looks very happy to be here a have to say. He’s giving out a wave or two but nothing to diminish the high standard these people have. This is truly an incredible sight. And now we begin.
TRACY: The Doctor is in front of the pole and we are now awaiting the gun. The crowd goes quiet. There‘s the gun and Captain Jack’s blind fold is off!
RUSSELL: The Captain dives straight in with only a small look of surprise, although I’m sure he’s more than shocked at seeing this Time lord. He goes in for his first move. He’s whispering in his ear… and I do believe that was a one-liner.
TRACY: Ah, this is a typical trait for Jack Harkness and he always starts with- Oh and there we have a sly wink with a gorgeous smile; those teeth are bound to earn him some tremendous points.
RUSSELL: Jack appears to be talking to the Doctor. He’s a very good encourager as I’ve heard. Ooh he’s moving around his partner to his back. Ah I know this move. Yes he’s cuddling up close to the Time lord putting his hands around his stomach and - yes moving their way down the Doctor’s clothes. Very slowly Tracy. You wouldn’t think this is a race would you?
TRACY: The key is to not scare your partner. Speed doesn’t do it with this Captain, he looks -- Oh I spoke too soon! What terrific movement. Jack has just spun the Doctor around to face him. He’s talking very slowly and closely now… gosh their lips are almost touching!
RUSSELL: How can the Time lord resist? He’s smiling very softly at the Captain. Come on Doctor! We want some action.
TRACY: And there we have it! Our first kiss! Only chaste mind you but I think that isn’t the last one…
RUSSELL: Another kiss! Longer this time. We only have until -- There’s the claxon indicating the judges are satisfied. Now they must run to the bed inside the stadium as quickly as possible to end the first final.
TRACY: And they are bolting out of here! You should see the look on their faces! I haven’t seen bigger grins anywhere! Out of sight now we should hear the claxon again any second now to indicate when they are on the bed. We are reminding viewers that sex is not necessary and neither does it add any points to the final scoring, so that athletes are not in any way pressurised.
RUSSELL: There’s the claxon and that is it! The crowds are going wild! I hear a chant sweeping through the stadium.
RUSSELL AND TRACY: “O Captain, My Captain.
Sweep me off my feet.
O Captain, My Captain.
I’m sitting on my heat.
O Captain, My Captain.
You‘re spicing up my head,
O Captain, My Captain.
Lead me to your bed.”
TRACY: Well I think I know who the public favourite is!
RUSSELL: Most definitely. That was a true class act all the way through. While most athletes use complex moves and their own native ways, Jack always uses the sweet and sensual. I think we’ve got another gold medal.
TRACY: We’ll give you more news as we get it on this amazing show on Earth. That’s it for now back to you at the studio.