Plátano!
Pairing: Jack/10
Challenge: Obsession
Rating: PG
Warnings: Hyperactive!Doctor…. But seriously, no nothing to worry about.
Spoilers: None
A/N. The Ice-cream store mentioned does in fact exist: http://www.cadwaladersicecream.co.uk/index.asp It’s situated on Cardiff Bay and is to die for. The Splits really are gorgeous…
Also I don‘t know why the Doctor is at the hub. It‘s just a good setting...
There are some people who would call it a passion. Captain Jack Harkness, on the other hand, called it an obsession.
And it drove him bananas.
Quite literally.
Every single day, the hub was littered with empty banana milkshake cartons, discarded banana peels and even the odd banana daiquiri bottle.
At times it was amusing. Jack would flirt shamelessly with the Doctor at the rather intimate shape of a banana as it hung out of his mouth. As such, it would always end with a roll of the eyes or a well timed wink here and there.
But one day the bananas went all wrong.
~~**~~
It was around 9 o’clock when the Captain returned from an evening of Weevil hunting. He grinned to himself, remembering the Doctor’s outrage at the creatures being called ‘Weevil’s’. He had informed them all that they were lovely creatures and weren’t called Weevil’s. But Jack wasn’t having any of it. While they were on his planet (well he was now a full time citizen) they were to be locked up and called Weevil’s.
He walked in, throwing his great coat down on a chair.
“I’m home honey!” he called out, laughing at his joke.
But his laughter turned to a grin, to a frown and then to one of horror as he looked at one of the Doctor’s many deposits; it was the remaining dish of a Cadwalader's banana split.
He didn’t know they did take-outs. No wait… they didn’t. Ah but this was the Doctor. No doubt he had flashed that diamond grin of his to a waitress or waiter and asked politely if he could return the glass container.
Everyone in Cardiff knew that the ice creams were to die for, but also knew that they were not suitable for children due to the high amount of sugar it contained.
Doctor, plus banana’s, plus banana sauce accompanied by vast amounts of mouth watering ice cream equalled to… oh was it worth thinking about?
“Jack! Jack’s back!”
He turned to look at a sugar high Doctor who was sitting awkwardly on the arm rest of the Torchwood settee. He stood on the arm rest and balanced himself with his arms before making a rather ungraceful leap into the air, whooping. Jack started forward to catch the Doctor but he landed on both feet. He stopped to think.
“Ooh that rhymes… Jack’s back. Jack the boss is back! That would go in a song. You know we should make a song about you. Or…you and me, we should make a song about us!”
He thought for a moment before he burst into song.
“Jack and me,
In Mermaid Quay,
At the end of a day at Torchwood
But Jack fell down
And started to frown
As the Doctor pelted him with mud.”
The Doctor started laughing loudly, the sound echoing in the hub. He looked at Jack who was looking up at him apparently not amused.
“Sorry Jack, but you know… it’s kinda funny.
“Oh! And while were talking about songs… listen to this.”
The Doctor started rummaging around in his jacket for something. Exclaiming as he obviously found it he pulled out the sonic screwdriver pressing a button.
Jack jumped as music surrounded him.
“Hey hey, you you!
I don’t like your girlfriend.
No way, no way,
I think you need a new one.
Hey hey, you you!
I could be your girlfriend!”
The Doctor started to dance to the lyrics, pointing and posing at Jack as if the Doctor were telling him that he ‘didn’t like his girlfriend.’
“Doctor!”
Still dancing and laughing he pressed his sonic screwdriver again, shutting off the music.
“It’s cool isn’t it? Or wizard. I like that word. Should use that one day. But not today. No. Not today.” He stared mumbling incoherently to himself, frowning, before looking at Jack again.
“Jack!”
And he smiled again, as if he had literally just sprung into existence.
“Do you know how much sugar you have had?”
“Well Jack, I asked myself that a few years ago because, y’know me being a time lord and such I have to keep a certain figure for running about and no doubt I have a reputation as a healthy person. I can’t be over weight, because it would just diminish my stamina meaning that I wouldn’t be able to run very fast, so I would be captured and tortured or whatever the criminal mastermind would want to do with me. But then I wouldn’t really call him a mastermind because I would be there, and well frankly I’m very clever. And because I am so very clever I worked out that roughly, in my lifetime have consumed 13183800 grams of sugar. But of course the definition of lifetime, for me, could be somewhat partial to debate. What is a lifetime when you have many lives? Is it one regeneration or all of them put together? If it is…”
“Doctor!”
He fell silent looking at the Immortal.
“Yes Jack?”
Jack was breathless. The Doctor was usually a mouthful anyway… but this? God it was gonna be a long night. Possibly challenging...
“I know! I have a fantastic idea! Let’s play Connect Four! It’s a great game. Actually…” He said looking around “I can’t remember where I put it. Hold on…” With that the Doctor dashed off.
Jack shook his head and reminded himself to never leave the Doctor at the hub unattended. Ooh that would work. Him and the Doctor. Alone...
But then the Doctor wasn’t supposed to be here on his own. Surely one of his team was here?
Well obviously not, looking at the state of things. He could almost imagine Owen vacating the Hub leaving a hyperactive Doctor for Jack to sort out.
Yes, in fact, this had Owens fingerprints all over it.
He heard a crash and looked to where the Doctor had run to and gasped in horror.
“Doctor get out of my office!”
Jack started to sprint towards his office, unaware of what he was about to see…
He stopped and stared at the sight that greeted him.
Hung along the ceiling was hundreds of paper chains criss-crossing the entire length of his office. The various objects that were on his desk were scattered ominously across the floor and, in their stead, were numerous ice cream splats, cut up pieces of paper and a dismantled answering machine.
On the floor was a rather guilt ridden Timelord, looking at him with eyes imploring for Jacks forgiveness. The Doctors eyes quickly darted to the floor and then back up at Jack. Curiously, Jack looked at the floor to find a smashed clock.
“Doctor, what have you…? Where the hell did you get an answering machine? What in gods name possessed you to…?”
He trailed off as he saw a note in one of the paper chains. He pulled it out and read it.
Jack,
I can deal with aliens trying to blast us out of the sky. I can stand Rhys’s mum. I can stand Owen’s cocky remarks. Hell I can even stand you. But there are some things on this godforsaken planet that are out of my power.
Very sorry about your office.
Good luck.
Gwen x
Ok, so maybe not Owen.
Jack sighed
“Come on Doctor. The sugar should be wearing off a bit…”
A quiet snore from behind him, told the Captain that it had possibly already worn off.
God he looked cute.
Jack smiled.
Shaking the Doctor lightly to wake him up, Jack then led him to the settee to sleep.
God I love him too much... thought Jack as he kissed him lightly on the lips.
~~**~~
It was around 10 o’clock the following morning that the Doctor woke up on a really comfy and squishy settee. He opened his eyes and looked around. Owen and Toshiko were working busily on their computers, Gwen was on the phone to someone and Ianto was scrubbing a permanent ink “I © Torchwood” off of the round metal entrance door.
Jack suddenly came into view. The Doctor gave him a sleepy smile and Jack ruffled his hair.
“Welcome to the land of the living Doc.
“Your antics last night are giving Ianto a run for his money.” He laughed.
“I don’t run for my money, sir.” Ianto called over “That’s why I work for you.”
Jack snorted in laughter and walked into a now clean looking office and sat down in his chair.
The Doctor saw Jack’s face instantly change into one of revulsion and shock before a murderous stare was directed at the Doctor.
“If I ever see another banana in this Hub again I will kill you!”