Just when you said we'd try.
So, this has probably been the best week for me in a long time,
Just generally in a good mood. I miss the days when i was always in a good mood.
But through the midst of being in such a great mood and havin so much fun these past couple of days. All i do is jjust think about,,,,yknow. and i know i say i dnt want to speak to her, but all i want to do is just talk to her. I dont talk to her, dont try to be around her bc i feel like if i do, ALL of what im tryin to kill will be fully regenerated and back in full swing. and i dont want to walk around n that pain again. It is SOoo fkn gey how i want her so bad, but in other fashions i dnt. Romance is miseryyyy., somethings just rnt meant to b, i guess.
I wish, everytime i saw her, i didnt think about her. didnt think about the few good times we had. and i really dont know what keeps me holdin on to this shit. it bugs the FUCK out of me. i just want her out of my mind. im sooo done tryin to b with her, playing fucking games, tryin to keep her attention, ive been done. i want to move on to better things,
Its just with all the other girls ive been with, ive never thought about anyone of them this much, never wanted to be with or talk to anyone of them this much, and the shit of it is, whenever im around her. i have NOTHING to say. completely Brain Fucked on what to talk about.
It sucks that this is my first entry in a few months and it's a fuckin, catch me-fuck me entry. all i talk about is stupid bullshit i cant get out of my head.
Im just tryin to get it off my chest so maybe i will think about it less. Hopefully this doesnt bring more light to the subject because all i want more than anything, [ with a few exceptions ] is for this situation and feeling to rapidly fade.
There is always something, somewhere that will remind you of that person. doesnt matter what u r thinkin about at the moment prior to looking at the object that reminds u of them because it just CLiCks, Now i know how she felt when she was yellin at me bc i said she always talked about her ex.
Things fall into perspective when u r the one holding ur head at the end of the day.
I guess, a part that keeps me holding on. is that i never had my second chance. to show her that im not a complete dickhead, even when i thought we were talkin again but she wanted nothing really to do with me she said that i made her feel like shit. And all i did was b the nicest i could b to a person. and i guess that failure at showing her that i could treat her like she was my everything keeps me from saying fuck u, get bent.
Why i am not an asshole to this girl completely stones me. in these situations with any other girls i would have told them how to live their life and to suck my dick - in a heartbeat, but all i can do when it comes to lauren is care, and understand.
WTF?
I cant stand caring and trying to understand and cope with someone who has no intentions of returning the favor,
I could b super pissed at this girl and she could walk up to me with a smile on her face, hold her arms out and i wouldnt have a second thought in my head about hugg her back.
She makes me feel so fucking WEAK i cant stand it. whenever i see her, its like im completely vulnerable. i wanna die
Just generally in a good mood. I miss the days when i was always in a good mood.
But through the midst of being in such a great mood and havin so much fun these past couple of days. All i do is jjust think about,,,,yknow. and i know i say i dnt want to speak to her, but all i want to do is just talk to her. I dont talk to her, dont try to be around her bc i feel like if i do, ALL of what im tryin to kill will be fully regenerated and back in full swing. and i dont want to walk around n that pain again. It is SOoo fkn gey how i want her so bad, but in other fashions i dnt. Romance is miseryyyy., somethings just rnt meant to b, i guess.
I wish, everytime i saw her, i didnt think about her. didnt think about the few good times we had. and i really dont know what keeps me holdin on to this shit. it bugs the FUCK out of me. i just want her out of my mind. im sooo done tryin to b with her, playing fucking games, tryin to keep her attention, ive been done. i want to move on to better things,
Its just with all the other girls ive been with, ive never thought about anyone of them this much, never wanted to be with or talk to anyone of them this much, and the shit of it is, whenever im around her. i have NOTHING to say. completely Brain Fucked on what to talk about.
It sucks that this is my first entry in a few months and it's a fuckin, catch me-fuck me entry. all i talk about is stupid bullshit i cant get out of my head.
Im just tryin to get it off my chest so maybe i will think about it less. Hopefully this doesnt bring more light to the subject because all i want more than anything, [ with a few exceptions ] is for this situation and feeling to rapidly fade.
There is always something, somewhere that will remind you of that person. doesnt matter what u r thinkin about at the moment prior to looking at the object that reminds u of them because it just CLiCks, Now i know how she felt when she was yellin at me bc i said she always talked about her ex.
Things fall into perspective when u r the one holding ur head at the end of the day.
I guess, a part that keeps me holding on. is that i never had my second chance. to show her that im not a complete dickhead, even when i thought we were talkin again but she wanted nothing really to do with me she said that i made her feel like shit. And all i did was b the nicest i could b to a person. and i guess that failure at showing her that i could treat her like she was my everything keeps me from saying fuck u, get bent.
Why i am not an asshole to this girl completely stones me. in these situations with any other girls i would have told them how to live their life and to suck my dick - in a heartbeat, but all i can do when it comes to lauren is care, and understand.
WTF?
I cant stand caring and trying to understand and cope with someone who has no intentions of returning the favor,
I could b super pissed at this girl and she could walk up to me with a smile on her face, hold her arms out and i wouldnt have a second thought in my head about hugg her back.
She makes me feel so fucking WEAK i cant stand it. whenever i see her, its like im completely vulnerable. i wanna die