Warning: Ranting!
Steve and I are kind of in the process of finding a house right now. It's on hold for the moment. But my mom's work friend is selling her house for about $60,000, which is on the high end of our price range, but it could be doable. So my mom took me to see the house. It's pretty nice, in a good part of Grand Rapids, and it needed some work, but it could've been really nice. This lady is just tired of trying to do everything that needs to be done to this house and working 2 jobs at the same time, so she's just trying to walk away from it right now. So my mom took me to go see it, and the former owners were in the process of making the downstairs into a guest area. Pretty much just a bedroom with a big closet and a bathroom down there too. My mom saw it and was like, "Oh, I could move in with you guys, just sell my house and live with you." I don't know that it was exactly that, but pretty close. Steve and I went for a walk yesterday, and I told him that, and he's like, "NNNOOO!!!" I can't blame him because I was thinking the exact same thing when she made that comment.
I told my mom that tonight, just being kind of comical about it, but serious at the same time. When we get a house of our own, we're not going to have parents live with us unless it is absolutely neccessary for the situation. And we don't want to have them live with us for too long if it can be helped. I feel that way especially about my mom.
Ok, so I told her that, and then she starts like freaking out and talking about shit that is so not what our conversation is and completely taking over the conversation. She does this a lot, and it's really annoying. She started talking about how she's happy for us, but sad for us. What the fuck? She's sad that Steve and I are trying to move on to the next step in our relationship? She said she's sad that when we move in together, that I'll be gone. She's talking like we get to see each other all the fucking time. We can go days without seeing each other just because of our schedules. And then she starts talking about how we're her life (and I'm thinking she was talking about my brother and I at this point) and she's always tried to do the best thing for us (by now, I'd pretty much just ignored her). Which I find complete bullshit because I feel that she pretty much abandoned my brother and I for her abusive husband. Is that really what a mother would do if she was really trying to do what was best for her kids? I couldn't really blame her the first few times that she left Bill and then went back, because he had us all fooled into thinking that he'd changed and everything was all good again. But everytime she went back, the time between when it was good and when he became himself again just grew shorter and shorter.
And now it's to the point that whenever she goes off on these ramblings that she does about how Bill fucked everything up for her and all this other shit, I just want to tell her that it's really just her fault. I resent my mother for a lot of the shit that she's done when it comes to my ex-stepdad and all the crap that she's put me through. And I have and immense about of hate for all of the shit that he's put us through. She's the one who had left him countless times knowing what a dick he was, and then always went back to him knowing that he would just turn back to his old ways.
One of the worst things is that he used to be this really cool guy. Yea, he had issues with his son and would occasionally beat him if Barrett did something stupid enough, but he could be a really cool guy. He taught us a lot about music, and in the beginning, he was really interested in what we all did. Towards the end, he couldn't of had less interest in anything that any of us did. A couple years ago when he and my mom came up during Easter for some music/stereo thing that was going on in Detroit, my mom had them come over here so that she could see her kids. Bill didn't want to because he didn't want my mom to see us. He just wanted to come up here to go to his thing in Detroit. That was it. He told my mom a couple of times when I went down to North Carolina that she was lucky that HE was even LETTING me come down there to visit her. And then the last time that I went down there, he fucking freaked out cuz one thing on his stereo system wasn't exactly right and it wasn't working. Some knob had been turned, probably by one of the cats rubbing on it. So he started ranting and raving about it and I thought he was going to fucking hit my mom cuz she wouldn't shut up about it either. So I yelled to make everyone shut up and he fucking threated me, "Joni, you're lucky if I don't just kick your ass out and send you back to Michigan right now." What a fucking prick.
And now, with everything that's happened, I really don't like living with her. I cannot wait for Steve and I to be able to get our own place. That's not the reason that I want to live with Steve, if that's the way that it sounded. But if Steve and I get a place, then I won't be living with her. I know it's going to be a while before we move in together because of the selection of houses we have and the fact that I want to go to massage therapy school, so I'm going to be living with her for a while longer, but I would still rather that I didn't.
Alright, whatever. Now that that's out. Ugh. Steve's sleeping and I really needed to get all that out. I just can't help the way I feel. Oh well, I'm sure everything'll work out soonish.
I told my mom that tonight, just being kind of comical about it, but serious at the same time. When we get a house of our own, we're not going to have parents live with us unless it is absolutely neccessary for the situation. And we don't want to have them live with us for too long if it can be helped. I feel that way especially about my mom.
Ok, so I told her that, and then she starts like freaking out and talking about shit that is so not what our conversation is and completely taking over the conversation. She does this a lot, and it's really annoying. She started talking about how she's happy for us, but sad for us. What the fuck? She's sad that Steve and I are trying to move on to the next step in our relationship? She said she's sad that when we move in together, that I'll be gone. She's talking like we get to see each other all the fucking time. We can go days without seeing each other just because of our schedules. And then she starts talking about how we're her life (and I'm thinking she was talking about my brother and I at this point) and she's always tried to do the best thing for us (by now, I'd pretty much just ignored her). Which I find complete bullshit because I feel that she pretty much abandoned my brother and I for her abusive husband. Is that really what a mother would do if she was really trying to do what was best for her kids? I couldn't really blame her the first few times that she left Bill and then went back, because he had us all fooled into thinking that he'd changed and everything was all good again. But everytime she went back, the time between when it was good and when he became himself again just grew shorter and shorter.
And now it's to the point that whenever she goes off on these ramblings that she does about how Bill fucked everything up for her and all this other shit, I just want to tell her that it's really just her fault. I resent my mother for a lot of the shit that she's done when it comes to my ex-stepdad and all the crap that she's put me through. And I have and immense about of hate for all of the shit that he's put us through. She's the one who had left him countless times knowing what a dick he was, and then always went back to him knowing that he would just turn back to his old ways.
One of the worst things is that he used to be this really cool guy. Yea, he had issues with his son and would occasionally beat him if Barrett did something stupid enough, but he could be a really cool guy. He taught us a lot about music, and in the beginning, he was really interested in what we all did. Towards the end, he couldn't of had less interest in anything that any of us did. A couple years ago when he and my mom came up during Easter for some music/stereo thing that was going on in Detroit, my mom had them come over here so that she could see her kids. Bill didn't want to because he didn't want my mom to see us. He just wanted to come up here to go to his thing in Detroit. That was it. He told my mom a couple of times when I went down to North Carolina that she was lucky that HE was even LETTING me come down there to visit her. And then the last time that I went down there, he fucking freaked out cuz one thing on his stereo system wasn't exactly right and it wasn't working. Some knob had been turned, probably by one of the cats rubbing on it. So he started ranting and raving about it and I thought he was going to fucking hit my mom cuz she wouldn't shut up about it either. So I yelled to make everyone shut up and he fucking threated me, "Joni, you're lucky if I don't just kick your ass out and send you back to Michigan right now." What a fucking prick.
And now, with everything that's happened, I really don't like living with her. I cannot wait for Steve and I to be able to get our own place. That's not the reason that I want to live with Steve, if that's the way that it sounded. But if Steve and I get a place, then I won't be living with her. I know it's going to be a while before we move in together because of the selection of houses we have and the fact that I want to go to massage therapy school, so I'm going to be living with her for a while longer, but I would still rather that I didn't.
Alright, whatever. Now that that's out. Ugh. Steve's sleeping and I really needed to get all that out. I just can't help the way I feel. Oh well, I'm sure everything'll work out soonish.