I want this, more than you know..
SOoooooo... I got up this morning... and I smiled as I rolled out of bed.
Well, first I was all like "FUCK!" b/c it was fuckin 4-o'clock in the morning and I really didn't want to be up and out of my warm bed & I was having such a wodnerful dream I coulda stayed inside of it all day...
But after all that passed, I smiled..
Because for the first time in a long long long time I've realized something...
I'm going to be okay.
I am okay.
And my heart, it's all kinda fragile like... but it's okay, ya know?
And it still loves...
It's weird... I didn't think that this could happen... definately not so soon.
Not to say that I won't be cautious, b/c I will probably always be cautious... from now 'til forever...
But I have no horrible body-crippling anxiety at admitting one simple little fact...
...I love you...
Thank you, for being your wonderful self & for being there for me, and well... everything...
And thank you life, for not giving up on me wven when I was ready to give up on you...
Now for my current themesong. <3
Poe -- Control
Don't you mess
With a little girl's dream
'Cause she's liable to grow up
Mean
Surprise you to find that I'm laughing?
You thought that you'd find me in tears.
You thought I'd be crawling
The walls like a tiny mosquito
And trembling in fear.
Well, you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen understand
And I've got your pawns and your bishops and
castles
All inside the palm of my hand.
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole
in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control.
now i have taken control.
now i have taken control.
control...
This is beginning to feel good
Watching you squirm in your shoes
A small bead of sweat on your brow
And a growl in your belly
Your scared to let through
You thought you could keep me from loving
You thought you could feed on my soul
But while you were busy destroying my life
What was half in me has become whole.
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole
in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control.
now i have taken control.
now i have taken control.
control...
So this is how it feels
to breathe in the summer air
to feel the sand between my toes
and love inside my ear.
All those things you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now and
you're not welcome here
Come here
Come a little bit closer...
Let me look at you
I gave you the benefit of the doubt, it's true
But keep in mind my darling
Not every saint is a fool!
While you were looking the other way
While you had your eyes closed
While you were licking your lips
'Cause I was miserable
While you were selling your soul
While you were tearing a hole
in me
I was taking control
Now I have taken control.
now i have taken control.
now i have taken control.
control...
(don't you mess with me)
[spoken voiceover]
This cannot be all there is to life
because in our confrontation with
an enormous and cold universe
there is something comical to the idea
that we can really enforce our will on humanity.
Power corrupts.
This is scaring me.
[/spoken voiceover]
Now I have taken control.
now i have taken control.
now i have taken control.
control...
(don't you mess with me)
[spoken voiceover]
...I live at the end of a 5 and 1/2 minute hallway.
And at the end of it all lies of course the final
phenomenon of deterioration entropy, which is a predictable
disintegrations which the creative life ceases: everything has to fall apart.
Why do you always have to be so serious?!
[/spoken voiceover]