Last Kiss
The jangle of his keys echoed in the small corridor as Javier pushed one into the lock on his front door. He let the door swing wide enough to enter with the pizza box and grocery bag before closing it with a practiced kick of his foot. It was only after he’d set the food on the table and taken off his jacket that he noticed the bundle of clothes in the middle of his living room floor. Upon further inspection, he discovered there was a familiar human inside the bundle of clothes, huddled cross-legged in there silently.
Javier sat down on the couch next to him and leaned forward to gently push the hood back from where it hid his face. Bright blue eyes looked up at him and Javier’s heart sank when he saw the hurt and confusion in them.
“Hey man.”
Kevin’s mouth opened and shut a few times, but no words came out for a good 10 seconds.
“Jenny kicked me out,” he finally managed to say, staring at the floor and fiddling with the too-long sleeves of the sweatshirt he was wearing. Javier’s sweatshirt, he noticed.
“Of your own apartment?” Javier asked, incredulously. Kevin nodded and shrugged, still not looking up from the floor.
“She wouldn’t let me get any clothes so I...”
“It’s no problem, bro.”
They sat in silence for a while, both unsure of what to say. Eventually, Javier stood up to grab the pizza box from the table. When he returned, he took a seat next to Kevin on the carpet and opened it in front of them. He knew better than to ask him what happened. Kevin Ryan was never one to hold things in, but he just had to turn the thoughts over in his head a few times before letting them escape through his mouth. Javier knew his partner would tell him what was going on in his head soon enough.
He watched as Kevin picked up a piece of pizza and took a healthy bite before setting it back down.
“This is pineapple pizza,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“Yes.”
“You don’t like pineapple pizza. You complain about it whenever it’s my turn to choose the topping. You say it’s too sweet,” Kevin looked up at him, confusion etched into his features.
Javier just shrugged in response and this seemed to irritate Kevin. He suddenly stood up and started pacing back and forth before his partner.
“I don’t... I can’t...” the more he couldn’t form a sentence, the more irritated Kevin got. Javier sat looking up at him calmly. He picked up a piece of pineapple that had fallen into his lap and put it in his mouth.
“She said... she said she doesn’t want to have to share me with someone else,” Kevin finally said, still pacing on the carpet and not looking at his partner. Javier noticed that the bottom of his sweat pants, Javier’s sweatpants, dragged along the floor slightly as he did so.
“She said I spend too much time- That I’d rather be- She said it wasn’t normal.”
Javier was confused, but didn’t say anything. He just watched as Kevin stopped pacing, ran a hand through his hair and plonked down onto the other couch on the other side of the living room.
“When she threw me out, I drove here automatically. Not just, like, I thought about it and decided out of all the people I knew this was the most logical place to come, but like it was the only place I had to go. I didn’t even consciously think about it.”
Javier held his eye contact, but knew not to speak. He knew Kevin had more to say and he wasn’t going to interrupt.
“I used the key on my keychain to let myself in when you weren’t here. I use your key all the time when we’re meant to be going out and you’re running late, or in the mornings when I drop by to pick you up and you’re in the shower. I have a key to your apartment and I don’t even really know why.”
Javier contemplated jumping in to remind him how he’d acquired the key when he’d gone to stay with his family for the holidays and Kevin had offered to feed the stray cat that had dinner on Javier’s balcony every night, but Kevin started talking again before he had the chance.
“I’m wearing your clothes and even though they’re too big for me, I’ve never worn comfier clothes in my life. I didn’t wait to ask you to borrow them because I knew you’d be OK with it,” Kevin sighed and rubbed his temples with two fingers, sliding his eyes shut.
“My girlfriend broke up with me because she’s jealous of the relationship I have with you.”
Kevin opened his eyes again to deliver the last word. As his eyes locked on Javier’s, he shook his head lightly back and forth, mouth slightly parted.
Javier didn’t blink. He didn’t move at all for what felt like hours but was really only a minute.
“Kev,” he began slowly, carefully. “This is us. This has always been us. Changing our relationship means changing who I am and I can’t do that. This is who I am when I’m with you,” he swallowed audibly and Kevin’s gaze followed his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down from across the room.
“She thinks I’d rather be with you than be with her,” he said quietly.
Javier stayed silent.
“And I don’t know that she’s wrong,” Kevin almost whispered. “I don’t know anything anymore.”
Javier rose slowly from the floor, stretching his cramped leg out.
“None of us ever know anything,” he told him with a small smile.
“That’s really helpful, thanks,” Kevin replied sarcastically.
“It’s true. We all think things, notice things, do things, but we never really know anything.”
Javier picked up the pizza box and passed it to Kevin, who took it without taking his eyes off his partner.
“Like, I think Jenny’s an idiot for trying to make you feel bad about who you are and who you spend your time with,” he said, turning on the game console and TV before walking back to where Kevin was sitting. “I notice that you wearing my clothes is so completely, stupidly adorable,” he smirked. “And I can order pineapple pizza occasionally if only for the reason that it reminds me of you...” Javier said with an amused smile.
“But I don’t know anything. I don’t know what any of that means.”
Javier sank back into the couch opposite his partner.
“Now eat,” he commanded, nodding at the pizza box in Kevin’s hands as he picked up the game controller in his lap. Kevin picked up the bitten slice and finished it while Javier clicked through the set-up options on the game.
“And prepare to be beaten to a pulp, bro,” he smirked, focussed on the game starting.
“You’re wrong, you know?” Kevin told him seriously. “About no one ever knowing anything.”
Javier looked over at his partner.
“I know you’re about to get your ass kicked,” Kevin grinned as they easily slid back into their normal rhythmic banter.
Yes, Kevin loved Jenny and it was going to take a while to get over her. Yes, Kevin was just starting to figure some things out. And yes, Javier knew one day something would have to change. But right now, they were happy just doing what they always did and being who they always were.
And besides, what did Jenny know?