Confessions
Title: Confessions
Author: tvlove
Characters/Pairing: Ryan/Esposito
Disclaimer: I only wish I owned these boys.
Summary: Esposito tries to give Beckett some big-brotherly advice.
CONFESSIONS
Esposito had always been Beckett’s acting-big-brother. They rarely ever actually discussed their personal problems with each other, but they were attentive enough to know what was going on in each others’ lives anyway.
For example, when Castle disappeared for the summer, Esposito had started bringing her morning coffee. He had noticed she and Castle had gotten into the routine and that it was just another thing to miss when he was gone, so without ever talking about it, he’d brought her coffee every morning just as Castle had done, until he came back. Although they both knew it wasn’t the same, it helped to remind Beckett that she had people who cared about her.
And it worked both ways. Beckett kept an eye on Esposito just as any sister would. She could tell when he was trying to hide anger or worry and all it took was for a careful smile or a reassuring hand on his shoulder to remind him she was there and it calmed him down.
Occasionally, their supportiveness would actually result in a conversation, or spoken advice. This was one of those times.
"Maybe it’s time to just admit it Becks," Esposito said softly, perching on the edge of her desk in the empty bullpen.
She sighed and busied herself shuffling some papers around.
"Admit what?"
"That you’ve fallen for Castle," he stated matter-of-factly. She faltered. She wasn’t expecting him to be so blunt. She knew tensions were running high lately and that she and Castle were causing it, but she didn’t realise just how much attention Esposito had been paying to her moods.
"I haven-" she began but was cut off.
"Beckett. Come on. It’s just me," his words seemed to prod at her softly and she sighed, ran a hand through her hair and looked at him. She didn’t say anything and he knew it was because she didn’t want to lie, but she wasn’t ready to tell the truth yet either.
"You put up with his idiotic theories and stories and his childish games. You missed him when he was gone -"
"That doesn’t mean... he’s my friend," she said it with confidence, but her face didn’t match the tone. Esposito smiled gently at her.
"You know, when you admit it to yourself, it’s easier to deal with it. Trust me. Do you need me to keep listing reasons?"
"I don’t think that’s neces-"
"You’re jealous of Gina, even though you don’t need to be."
"I’m not -"
"His family has accepted you as one of their own."
"Alexis and Martha are just-"
"He’s the only one you’ve told personal details of your life to."
"He -"
"You let him get away with saying things and doing things that you wouldn’t let others."
"He’s just -"
"You’d do anything to protect him."
"That’s my jo-"
"You sneak looks and smiles at him when you think no one’s watching."
"I don-"
"He’s in love with you."
Beckett opened her mouth but quickly shut it again. She stared at him and he could tell her mind was trying to process what he’d just said.
"Time to admit it Becks," Esposito looked her in the eye and stood from the desk. He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning to leave.
"Esposito," she stood up and he stopped to turn around. "You realise I could apply most of those very same reasons to you and Ryan," she said sarcastically. "So I think your theory is flawed, don’t you?"
He smiled at her.
"No."
Beckett’s mouth open and shut a few times. She wasn’t expecting that answer.
"You...?"
"I admitted it to myself a while ago, Becks. Takes the power out of it." He gave her a small wave and disappeared around the corner.
"Huh." She had some self-confessing to do.