i feel lost
when my mom bailed me out of jail she had me tell her that i was going to be through with herman until he got his shit together.
it's like she doesn't understand. i don't have my shit together either.
i still love herman and i ahve no intention on leaving him.
he is the father of my child. it sux that he is not oging to be there for the birth or the first year of my childs life but you know.... when he gets out it will be a chance to prove himself. he may not be able to bethere while he is in jail but when he gets out if he has every intention on staying around then i would not ask anything else of him.
i think he has realized this time that he messed up.
that his biggest punishment instead of being in jail for a while. will be that he has to be seperated from his child for the most important year of our childs life...
i guess it isn't the most important to the child. it's the most important tothe parent.
the most important years to the child are (other then it's whole life)i believe are when it is starting to realize "who is my mommy?" "who is my daddy?" hopefully he will be there so the baby doesn't have to ask. "why isn't my daddy here?"
am i losing everyone????
i called the jail today and i found out that his visitation days are on thursdays. i am going to have to leave the house at around 8 so i can be there before everyone else so herman can see me first thing in the morning.
i need to see him. i need him to call but he hasn't yet. i don't understand why. maybe he is scared to call my moms house collect. but i told him to do that. he tried to call his dads house the other night but his dad was gone. if only his dad would have bee nthere he would know that it is alright to call me at my moms house.
i am having back pains. mom said that she had back labor for a eek before she went into real labor.
i can feel a difference in my body. i know it is coming soon. very soon.i am due togive birth on the 7th. and it's the 26th. so that's like 10 days not including today. that's less then two weeks. that's like a week and a half. it might even happen sooner since i am under so much stress.
i don't get why god has decided that i have to have this baby alone. it's like he is telling me that is my destiny... to be alone.
i have decided to video tape the birth of daisy since herman can't be there for the birth he can watch it when ever he is aloud . i don't think they will let him in jail. so maybe when he gets out.
i am hoping that he will go to court about his violation of probation and they tell him he only has t oserve like 14 days and that the days he has already spent in jail are counted towards it. and that then maybe he can have is bond reinstated. so maybe he can be out for at least two weeks. you know long enough to at least see daisy as an infant.
i guess i am just thinking too much. ya know?
well until next time...
it's like she doesn't understand. i don't have my shit together either.
i still love herman and i ahve no intention on leaving him.
he is the father of my child. it sux that he is not oging to be there for the birth or the first year of my childs life but you know.... when he gets out it will be a chance to prove himself. he may not be able to bethere while he is in jail but when he gets out if he has every intention on staying around then i would not ask anything else of him.
i think he has realized this time that he messed up.
that his biggest punishment instead of being in jail for a while. will be that he has to be seperated from his child for the most important year of our childs life...
i guess it isn't the most important to the child. it's the most important tothe parent.
the most important years to the child are (other then it's whole life)i believe are when it is starting to realize "who is my mommy?" "who is my daddy?" hopefully he will be there so the baby doesn't have to ask. "why isn't my daddy here?"
am i losing everyone????
i called the jail today and i found out that his visitation days are on thursdays. i am going to have to leave the house at around 8 so i can be there before everyone else so herman can see me first thing in the morning.
i need to see him. i need him to call but he hasn't yet. i don't understand why. maybe he is scared to call my moms house collect. but i told him to do that. he tried to call his dads house the other night but his dad was gone. if only his dad would have bee nthere he would know that it is alright to call me at my moms house.
i am having back pains. mom said that she had back labor for a eek before she went into real labor.
i can feel a difference in my body. i know it is coming soon. very soon.i am due togive birth on the 7th. and it's the 26th. so that's like 10 days not including today. that's less then two weeks. that's like a week and a half. it might even happen sooner since i am under so much stress.
i don't get why god has decided that i have to have this baby alone. it's like he is telling me that is my destiny... to be alone.
i have decided to video tape the birth of daisy since herman can't be there for the birth he can watch it when ever he is aloud . i don't think they will let him in jail. so maybe when he gets out.
i am hoping that he will go to court about his violation of probation and they tell him he only has t oserve like 14 days and that the days he has already spent in jail are counted towards it. and that then maybe he can have is bond reinstated. so maybe he can be out for at least two weeks. you know long enough to at least see daisy as an infant.
i guess i am just thinking too much. ya know?
well until next time...