im not happy...and i hate it
sooo tonight has been a big drag..
first school has been stressing the SHIT out of me i cant stand it i want to rest and have unlimited time to do what i need to do. but NO i have like 2-3 weeks, gosh Arizona seems more and more appealing each day. i want to leave and be there and watch the amazing sunsets and sunrises..
soo tonight i went to go visit this girl that i was getting to know really well i mean shes smart, cultured, beautiful and just fun! well....and well ya know i wanted to do things right get to know her first and then ask her out..well FUCK PATIENCE!!! it doesnt work in my case, things fall away from me. as of two days ago shes now in a relationship, i mean the guys okay but i fuckin have him in my 2nd period class, soo i have to be reminded of them every day now untill the end of the school year. soo i showed my dissapointment but not as much as i did when i got home. i feel my eyes pucker and get moist, but no tears fall. im seriously starting to see a pattern with my choice and actions with girls. im not meant to date, for almost 2 yrs in about 5 months i'll have been single, and i seriously doubt i have ANY chance of dating in that time frame. noone ever asks me out, im usually the one that initates conversation, i guess im not as confident as i once was, which sucks. she was the only local girl i thought attainable for myself..curteousy hates me.
and then i had to get a stupid lecture on my credits for school and my grandma starting being all emotional saying that it "breaks her heart" to know i wouldnt be walking with my "friends" and then id lose interest in graduating...UHHH where the hell did that assumption come from? NOT the case in the least. im working my ass off as hard as im able to keep my grades, but im stressed, tired, and work handicapped.
and before i visited my friend(the girl i like) i was downtown about to board my bus...oh holy shit i see the attractive Candice the hot mother with 3 kids that i kissed at a party and had her boyfriend start hating me, because to him "lesbians are a waste of women" how lovely right? fucker soo seeing her made my stomach turn in knots because i was also interested in her (they werent dating at the TIME) they did however get back together afterward.
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN this isnt fair. i have the worst luck!
oh well, perhaps once i wake up from this nightmare things will look up. *sigh* i could use a hug and kiss...*shrug*
later folks
first school has been stressing the SHIT out of me i cant stand it i want to rest and have unlimited time to do what i need to do. but NO i have like 2-3 weeks, gosh Arizona seems more and more appealing each day. i want to leave and be there and watch the amazing sunsets and sunrises..
soo tonight i went to go visit this girl that i was getting to know really well i mean shes smart, cultured, beautiful and just fun! well....and well ya know i wanted to do things right get to know her first and then ask her out..well FUCK PATIENCE!!! it doesnt work in my case, things fall away from me. as of two days ago shes now in a relationship, i mean the guys okay but i fuckin have him in my 2nd period class, soo i have to be reminded of them every day now untill the end of the school year. soo i showed my dissapointment but not as much as i did when i got home. i feel my eyes pucker and get moist, but no tears fall. im seriously starting to see a pattern with my choice and actions with girls. im not meant to date, for almost 2 yrs in about 5 months i'll have been single, and i seriously doubt i have ANY chance of dating in that time frame. noone ever asks me out, im usually the one that initates conversation, i guess im not as confident as i once was, which sucks. she was the only local girl i thought attainable for myself..curteousy hates me.
and then i had to get a stupid lecture on my credits for school and my grandma starting being all emotional saying that it "breaks her heart" to know i wouldnt be walking with my "friends" and then id lose interest in graduating...UHHH where the hell did that assumption come from? NOT the case in the least. im working my ass off as hard as im able to keep my grades, but im stressed, tired, and work handicapped.
and before i visited my friend(the girl i like) i was downtown about to board my bus...oh holy shit i see the attractive Candice the hot mother with 3 kids that i kissed at a party and had her boyfriend start hating me, because to him "lesbians are a waste of women" how lovely right? fucker soo seeing her made my stomach turn in knots because i was also interested in her (they werent dating at the TIME) they did however get back together afterward.
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN this isnt fair. i have the worst luck!
oh well, perhaps once i wake up from this nightmare things will look up. *sigh* i could use a hug and kiss...*shrug*
later folks