Last fic!!
Title: Backstage video
Rating: PG
This production wasn’t going to be one of Tuti’s favourites.
He had been happy when a new musical was announced. He had felt even happier when he got to know Takashi would play his partner once again.
Then suddenly everything went completely the wrong way. It had started with Yanagi’s accident. So, in order to save the production, Kimeru had to shift into Echizen (since he was the shortest) and Takashi had to leave his role to Ichitaro-kun, who was begged to come back to act once more as his doubles partner, Kikumaru Eiji.
Tuti didn’t dislike Ichitaro-kun, the boy was fun, but he couldn’t help this feeling of being left behind or sometimes even loneliness, when Nagayan was sitting at the far end of the room, discussing Fujis character with Kime.
He had absolutely no clue why he was struck with the impression that the Golden Pair he had performed with Takashi was on a completely different level compared to this one with Ichitaro. Somehow this only felt like a replacement.
Would Oishi feel this way if he had to exchange Eiji for an other partner? Probably. But I’m not Oishi, nor is Takashi Eiji. So why do I bother?
To irritate him even further, Takashi had told him he was too busy with this new role, so they won’t be able to spent time at Starbucks, or Tully or one of their apartments. So he had moved this unconsciously into his dreamland. Only to feel even more lost. Lost in a mind which told him there was nothing different between acting with Nagayan and Ichitaro-kun. Lost in a body which told him that there was indeed a difference, one that he preferred to ignore while being awake and wished he hadn’t even noticed whenever he was anywhere near Takashi. Or Kimeru. But there was nothing he could do about this. Not that he would admit that he felt different about Takashi compared to his other friends.
Feeling lost, lonely, irritated and somehow abandoned Tuti saw only one way to react to this situation: be even louder, funnier and act as if your not concerned. So he started singing off key on the top of his lungs during break, joined each lunch group for a few minutes and tried to make them laugh as hard as possible.
Eiji had to drag him off forcefully sometimes and warned him more than once that he would bring Daiki’s red handcuffs to the next rehearsal if Tuti wasn’t going to stop acting like a kindergarten boy.
Kimerus pitiful and slightly amused looks whenever their eyes met, mostly during searching for Takashi, weren’t improving his situation either. Nor did the whispered conversations between Eiji and Kimeru, which abruptly ended whenever he tried to get near enough to hear what they were talking about.
In order to get over with whatever problem he was having, Tuti started to avoid being near Nagayan as far as possible. Joking around with Ichitaro or Fudomine, teasing Naoya, Takigawa and the Ichinen, helping Souta with his juice experiments, running in extra late for practice, staying late when Takashi had to leave early or running off as soon as practice was finished, not even changing into a proper street outfit.
But his efforts had not the effect he had wished for. Instead of feeling more like he should feel, it got worse. He started to feel Takashi entering the room, whether he was watching his way or not. He could tell from listening to Takashis steps on the floor if he was tired, relaxed, nervous or carrying something heavier than normal. Tuti swore he could smell Takashis scent even hours after the other man had passed him within 20meters and hear his voice until he went into bed and then often even in his dreams. He could feel his body tingling with awareness and a slight electricity whenever Takashi touched him purposefully or unintentional. In this nights the dreams where even worse-or better depending how you wanted to see it. Tuti had woken more than once in the last three nights, sweaty, aroused to the point of no return and irritated why the hell he was alone in his room.
When he was completely honest, he had spent more time in the shower this three nights then on his futon. He might admit that to himself, but he was not going to admit why or do something as stupid as to tell anyone, especially not a certain Nagayama Takashi.
Takashi liked girls. Hell, with his looks and a fanclub this big he could have every girl in Japan he wanted. And they were friends, right. Not that he wanted to go out with Takashi. No, he just wanted to spend some time with one of his best friends outside of rehearsal halls. There was nothing wrong with that, was it?
So when Kimeru had handed him their backstage camera in the morning, smiling and telling him in his Fuji-voice to “watch the unfinished backstage tape during lunch and find what is missing” and that “not everything is what it seems to be like”, Tuti sensed Kime-hime was planning one of his evil schemes. But there was no way to not watch it, since Kime would somehow know if he didn’t watch it and find a way to make sure that whatever he wanted was going to end exactly the way he wanted it to, no matter what.
During the whole morning practice Tuti had been on pins and needles, not knowing what he should expect seeing in their backstage video, making him nervous and curious at the same time. Finally lunch time came around. Instead of running through the driving, heavy pouring rain to the next conbini to grab something edible like everyone else, he found himself an empty room. Started to rewind the videocassette, Tuti got more excited with every passing second. When it was finally completely rewound he was so excited, he could barely sit still anymore. What he saw was pretty normal. Their costumes, everyone greeting in the morning, a loud comment from himself, Souta attacking Naoya and trying to make everyone drink his “vegetable” juice. Of course one of the Ichinen fell for it. Tons of yellow and pink cups near the coffee machine, which made him smile brightly. Kime, Takigawa, and Naoya discussing a dance move of “make you free”. Then he saw Takashi was with them. Standing opposite to Kimeru, next to Takigawa. Some seconds later Tuti thought he must be hallucinating, but he had to check that, and why the hell was the camera focusing so abruptly on Kimeru? So Tuti rewound a few seconds and rewatched the last part he had seen. Once. Twice. The third time in slow motion. And suddenly he didn’t want to see another second of this tape. Not even if Kime forced him to.
He put off the camera and stormed out of the room, not caring that the slumming of the door was probably audible at the street. Fuming Tuti stomped over to the dressing room, knowing Kime was sitting at his tiny desk and ate some kind of conbini bento. He put the camera down with much more force than he had to and snapped “I don’t know what’s missing. It’s not my problem anyway.” before marching of to the rehearsal hall to control this feeling while dancing. Dancing always helped him to clear his mind and order his thoughts. Smoking wasn’t an option at the moment. They wouldn’t leave him alone and his pack of cigarettes was going to be finished before he even registered he had finished the first one.
Though he danced like his life depended on this rough, forceful and complicated choreography he performed, he wasn’t able to calm down. The pictures in his head replayed themselves on and on and on, rising the mad mass of feelings inside. Soon he was panting heavily, both from the hardly repressed emotions and his dance, though he wasn’t planning to stop dancing before the rehearsal continued.
By the time everyone else returned from lunch, Tuti had calmed himself a bit down.
Rehearsal was a perfect thing to forget himself and his sorrows for a while to slip complete into a character that lived in a different world. Oishi was great for today, calm, gentle and focused only on tennis and his doubles partner. Only the interactions with Tezuka-buchou felt somehow a bit off. (He hadn`t any scenes with Fuji)
Tezuka is Oishis second best friend, stop transferring your problems, Yuuichi!
The afternoon break came faster then he thought and Tuti was happy to get a coffee for himself. When he arrived at the table with their coffee machine, he saw all the yellow and pink cups standing there, waiting to be filled with freshly brewed hot coffee. For a moment he didn’t know why seeing them made him feel a pang in his chest and his heart aching as if it was going to break into tiny pieces.
Starring at the cups he knew he had to do something. There was no way to do nothing anymore. Tuti grabbed one of the pink cups, the one witch stood lonely at the far end of the desk and poured coffee into it before walking of in order to find Takashi.
He found him chatting with Kimeru in a corner of the rehearsal hall. Kime was telling Nagayan something with lots of gestures and a serious face, but stopped the second he saw Tuti approaching. “Ah, Tuti, I’m gone in a second, so you can have a chat with Takashi for yourself.” Kime said and started to get up, ignoring Takashis protest. “Nuh, you can stay, I only wanted to ask one thing.” Tuti answered, pushing Kimeru back into a sitting position, before turning towards Takashi.
“Uh…humm…I…Takashi, I know your busy with the knew role and all, but could you just spent a few minutes with me after rehearsal? It won’t take long, I promise.” Tuti tried to sound as self-confident as always though he could swear there was a nervous ring in his voice. Hopefully he was the only one who heard it.
“Uhh, sure but we could talk now?” Takashi asked slightly irritated, eyeing him suspiciously. “Nuh, break’s almost over. Ja ne, I’ll wait in the changing room!” Tuti cheered and took of, quickly gulping down his now lukewarm coffee. Now he only had to decide how to say what he wanted to say. Great. He would deal with that during the last part of rehearsal. They where only practicing dance moves he long ago memorized, so he had more than enough time to order his thoughts and prepare himself for his meeting with Takashi.
~***~
After rehearsal Tuti didn’t bother to change out of his training clothes like everyone else, instead he got himself another coffee and poured it into the same bright pink cup he had used earlier. He started to really like this cup. Maybe he should write his name on it to make sure nobody else took it away.
Tuti was brought back to reality when the door to the changing room opened and Takashi came in with a yellow cup full of coffee and still damp hair from his earlier shower. “So, what did you want to talk about with me?” Takashi asked with a curious face, sitting down on a chair facing him. Tuti looked around the room and was surprised that they where the only remaining ones. When did everyone leave?
Before he answered, Tuti swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “You get along well with Takigawa lately, don’t you?” Takashi blinked, nodded and answered slightly irritated ”Yeah, we’re friends, why do you ask?”
“I know, but you seemed to get closer during the past week.” Get slowly to the topic without making him suspicious. Tuti stated.
Takashi looked at him without answering, his eyes getting a hard expression and he looked angrier every second he sat there, watching Tuti. “What’s your problem Tuti? First you start to get out of my way after I tell you that I don’t have time to just hang out at the moment” So he had noticed it, damn. “Then you sulk - don’t even try to tell me you weren’t ‘cause I know you get extra loud when your sulking - and now you’re criticising me for spending time with friends during breaks. Are you gonna complain about me hanging out with Kime?” Takashi snapped, getting louder and angrier with every word.
But Tuti was getting angry too, what was wrong with asking a simple question? “I’m not complaining about you spending time with friends, but don’t you think it is unfair to tell me you can’t even drink a coffee with me?! And you seem to get along with Takigawa a bit too well, or are you letting all friends hold you on your hip and belt?! So what am I to you?! An acquaintance?” he snapped. Unable to remain seated he rose to his feed dumping his coffee on the table, nearly spilling the remaining liquid.
“What?! I told you I can’t drink coffee with you because I know we’d be unable to just drink it and go home, we would end up talking all evening and I don’t have time for that! And what the hell do you mean by “letting him hold you”? I don’t do such things! Stop making things up!” Takashi was now standing to, glaring at Tuti.
Tuti started shaking with hurt, anger and disappointment. He had wanted to talk about it calmly with Takashi, but when he wanted a fight he could have one. “I did not make this up! I saw it with my own eyes when you were chatting with Kimeru, Naoya and Takigawa about this dance move for Kimerus song. Everyone who watches the backstage tape will see it! You even put your hands on his. But maybe this is so normal for the two of you that you not longer not-”
“What are you talking about, I never did such a thing! So maybe he tried to hold me, but I brushed his hands away! Are you happy now?” Takashi yelled.
“Are you trying to deny it? You don’t have to! And by the way, no I am not!” he yelled back. Tuti only wanted to leave now. He wanted to get back home and curl up on his futon.
“You can ask Takigawa, Kime or even Naoya if you don’t trust me! I pushed him away!” Takashi shot back. Then something flashed through his eyes, Tuti wasn’t able to tell what, since it happened to fast and suddenly. The next second realisation struck Takashi. He stared into Tutis eyes and stated surprised, completly convinced and still a bit angry “Your jealous.”
How had Takashi figured him out this fast. Tuti didn’t know how to react. Run home and hide there? No, Takashi knew where he lived. Admitting? No way, then he could also tell Takashi that he was in love with him and there was no way he was going to do this. It had taken weeks to admit what was going on with him and he wasn’t going to tell anyone, at least Takashi. Deny it. Denying was always safe. “No I am not!”
“You are.” Takashi answered.
“Am not!”
“You are!”
“Am not!”
“You are.”
“Am not.”
“You are.”
“Am not.”
“You are.”
“Takashi!” Tuti groaned in frustration.
“Tuti.” Takashi chirped back.
“I am not jealous.” He tried to reason again.
“You are absolu-“ Takashi started to answer, but Tuti decided to stop this silly bantering right now. He grabbed Takashis wrist and yanked him forwards, catching him on the shoulder with his other hand. At the same time he crushed his lips down on Takashis, cutting him off midsentence. It felt like heaven to have these soft lips under his, but he pulled back after a few seconds. “So what if I am jealous?” He asked silently, staring into Takashis deep hazel eyes, to search for some kind of rejection.
But these hazel orbs only softened and a small smile spread on Takashis lips. Tuti felt a hand sneaking up his arm and into the hair at the back of his head, drawing him down.
“Don’t be.” Was the whispered answer before their lips met again.
The kiss started gentle and sweet as if each wanted to apologize for the weeks of misunderstanding and frustration. Though with each passing moment it became more passionate and urgent. When Takashi moaned in the back of his throat, Tuti felt himself unable to hold back anymore and run his tongue over the seam of Takashis full lips, asking silently for permission while he grabbed him on his hips and drew him closer.
Takashi opened his lips only a second later and Tuti dove in with a sigh exploring Takashis mouth and enjoying the feeling of Takashis tongue strocking back is own. They were kissing for the first time, everything was new and they had yet to find a rhythm, still it already felt like coming home. Takashi tasted like coffee and strawberry candy and something unique he couldn’t name, but this new taste was the best he had ever tasted. He was sure to get addicted to it before he could realize it.
There was no fight for dominance, it was completely balanced between giving and taking and when they were able to find a rhythm it was perfect.
Tuti would happily stopped breathing if he could kiss Takashi like this forever instead but when his lungs started to protest mercilessly for air, he pulled back and leaned his forehead against Takashis, who was also breathless. Tuti slowly moved his hands to the small of Takashis back and drew him into an even closer hug.
“Takashi….you know…I missed you.” Tuti whispered against Takashis kiss swollen lips.
“I know…” was whispered back softly. “I missed you too.”
Tuti looked deep into Takashis eyes. They were so deep he was convinced he could drown in them. He wasn’t going to bother. These hazel orbs were so soft and trusting that he couldn’t bring himself to care if got lost in them.
He slowly moved his right hand to Takashis cheek and stroked it slowly, loving. “Takashi, I really like you. Really. ” he said slowly before pressing his lips against Takashis. When he draw back he whispered into his ear ”I love you, Takashi. I always did, from the moment I saw you and I always will.”
Takashi smiled brightly and whispered back “Takigawa asked me to go out with him that day. I told him that I already love someone else. That’s why I told you to not be jealous. You’re the one who belongs here.” Drawing Tuti even nearer to himself, so there wasn’t space for a single hair between them. “I love you too, Yuuichi.” He answered, sealing their vow with another breathtaking, sweet, longing, bone melting and loving kiss.
When they broke apart, they were panting heavy again, smiled at each other and walked hand in hand to the next train station.
~***~
The next morning they entered the rehearsal building together, with matching goofy smiles and oversized sunglasses to hide the dark circles below their eyes. Neither of them had slept long during last night, but neither Tuti nor Takashi was going to complain.
Maybe Takashi would complain when he had to dance and maybe Tuti was bothered by the all too knowing smile on Kimes lips, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not now. Not ever.
This production was going to be one of his favourites.