alive.. i think.
My concept of time has become severely warped. To the point that i cant really tell what time/day it is without looking at my cell phone. This bothers me a little. that without my technology i cannot connect to reality anymore. I need artificiality to feel at home. My net went down for 15 minutes today, and i couldnt sit still or focus long enough to do anything until it came back up. Its creepy. like i depend on my phone, my watch, and my wallet to maintain my sanity.
I havent seen any of the UNH crew in too long. Every attempt i have made seems to be thwarted by work or family.
The same holds true for all my hopme friends. whom i never see. All my fault, but still. Its depressing.
Music has even begun to fail me. i cant find anything loud or angry enough to drive me anymore. I have begun singing constantly. Everything and anything i can even vaguely remember. I belt it out. when walking, when cleaning, when eating, when cooking. Always. I think something within me is trying to burst out. By this summer. i will have an apartment. a home all my own. thats my plan. I need to e out of acton. i need to have my own place. I think this is the problem. My house isnt my home. I think i am finally realizing it never was. I dont fit amongst my brothers, father, oir mother. I see the world in a completely different way than they do. The only one who i even came close to was tom, and i have recently learned i cant trust him either.
To all the people who read my journal still, heh i am sorry if i have been less than accessable. I have not been in the best of moods lately, and i dont like to drop my issues on my friends. so deal, and when i get things in hand, i will be sure to come out of my hole. later.
I havent seen any of the UNH crew in too long. Every attempt i have made seems to be thwarted by work or family.
The same holds true for all my hopme friends. whom i never see. All my fault, but still. Its depressing.
Music has even begun to fail me. i cant find anything loud or angry enough to drive me anymore. I have begun singing constantly. Everything and anything i can even vaguely remember. I belt it out. when walking, when cleaning, when eating, when cooking. Always. I think something within me is trying to burst out. By this summer. i will have an apartment. a home all my own. thats my plan. I need to e out of acton. i need to have my own place. I think this is the problem. My house isnt my home. I think i am finally realizing it never was. I dont fit amongst my brothers, father, oir mother. I see the world in a completely different way than they do. The only one who i even came close to was tom, and i have recently learned i cant trust him either.
To all the people who read my journal still, heh i am sorry if i have been less than accessable. I have not been in the best of moods lately, and i dont like to drop my issues on my friends. so deal, and when i get things in hand, i will be sure to come out of my hole. later.