Looking back on the things I have done...2006
There're just 1 hour left to the New Year. It's not so bad to spend rest of hour with remembering what I've done during this year. Good things must be written first.
Good thing
Most of the things which I can remember as a good are happened during this summer vacation. Things which I experienced during that trip became precious lessons of my life.
But If I keep writing, it must be about the meeting my friends from the Feuchthaus again. It's sounds ridiculous perhaps, but I feel so close about them as they've been a friends of mine long long time ago, although we just met once at Austria and haven't talked much after the last summer. I don't know why, but I've never forgotten things happened at the Feuchthaus.
After the Vienna, I began to make new website which has more interactive function than the official website has. It should contain a lot of memories from the camp and easily make us remind and feel things happened at there (a kind of archives I expected). But, I didn't have enough amounts of pictures, so I asked the permission to use pictures to the guy who worked as a photographer at there. He allowed me to use all of them and told as we could keep in touch much easier with new website. I don't want to think he just left from us without any reason. Maybe he thought he finished his role at there, and I felt like taking that role from him, instead. Perhaps this is the reason why I could believe meeting'em again without any suspicious. The Feuchthaus didn't finish in some part of my heart at that point.
We could meet again this summer. It's just about 1 or 2weeks, but every time, every moment spent with them is brilliantly remembered as a scene of the cinema. and even I could say "bye" to her this time (It's wierd. I just made some ridiculous speech ever in my life and told her "see you again" when we last time talked at station of Gänserndorf).
Things happened at Russia and then, Austria aren't talked much by myself after this summer. It will be alive with me as long as I keep it just inside of myself. and every time turning the pages of the album, I remember how much I loved them.
Isn' it wonderful, having a experience which can be called as a beautiful moment ever in your life ?
風のそよぐ音に周囲の色。 全てがゆっくりと停止していくような、そしてそこに立っているのは僕たちだけのような感覚を、あの瞬間に覚えた。 そう、確かに感じた。 どれだけ言葉を尽くしてもあの時の事だけはうまく表すことはできないし、むしろ表せば表そうとするほど色あせていってしまうような気がする。でも、心の中ではいつでもまるでその場に戻ったかのように生き生きとしてあの瞬間を思い出すことができる。
こんな言葉じゃ到底本当の気持ちを表しきれてないと思うけど、でもそんな思い出を持つことができて、僕は本当に幸せだった。
awww, Writing good thing is little bit more than what I expected. I'm sleepy now, but well, this is a good time to reset everything. So I'll try bit more.
Bad thing
It's kinda strange thing to me taking a 6 months to move on from my ex thing. I'm a such a man who can forget about everything in next morning, and following other girls ass asap (maybe some of the reader of this LJ remember the other girl who I used to be liked ? I forgot about her as soon as I had a relationship with this ex. ha ha, so I'm a such a man). Then some of my friends call me as a Parasite (don't ask me why) or simply swinger (It's really annoying to be called in such a negative way. I've never behaved like rude in front of the girls as the other guys do). After leaving from Europe, first of all, I tried to fix our relation, but it failed (...How silly I was. it's a typical loser's reaction...) but, I wanted to believe as she is still my friend. She was a one of the best friends who I met at the ICU. well, I'm not sure as she also thought me even as a friend of hers.
Of course I don't forgive what she did to me. It'd be much better if she just told as she doesn’t like me anymore before going with other guy. She did the best things to piss me off, despite she know it beforehand.
It probably didn't work because of this feeling. Every time when I talked to her, a half of myself got a really offensive and negative thought, and rest of myself is just scared about it and wondered if everything can be starting over. If I can believe her again, at least as I did before. I was scared myself. I really scared this vicious side of myself, if I leave it, something wrong would happen.
So, I decide one thing on myself. Leave from her life. No chat, no e-mail, no calling anymore. She doesn't have to see this dork's face, and I want finish everything while some part of myself still remind her as my friend. It's gonna be good for both of us.
hm,
princemononoke maybe you are surprised now, since I always talked about her as a slut (aaa, I really hate to find myself calling friend as such a way !). But honestly, I just want to surprise you one day by telling we are fixed and welcome you again when you back here as we gave you a farewell party at that night.
... How so many things changed from that night ? I always wondered If I didn't see what I saw actually, and then everything would be different from now. Well, it's just a silly dork's thought now.
なんかさぁGood thingの方書いてたらどうでもよくなってきた。マジくっだらない。
but, If I confess only thing still I regret about her, it's an about some thing which I gave to her. I don't care about what I purchased, but that is a special gift from my other friend. I'm not sure exactly why I gave it, but probably I though as If I can give her things which is really precious and should not let to leave from me, she will be back...How silly, too silly man I was. I really want to back a time and KICK HIS ASS!! ;(
Ok, now I confessed EVERYTHING which stuck on my mind, and seems to be ready for last sleep of 2006.
C Новым Годом, Happy New Year and Love for All
Good night ;-)
P.S. I almost forgot ! I quote this entry's title from some famous song. What is it ? I will plan new year gift for the first person who find it.
Good thing
Most of the things which I can remember as a good are happened during this summer vacation. Things which I experienced during that trip became precious lessons of my life.
But If I keep writing, it must be about the meeting my friends from the Feuchthaus again. It's sounds ridiculous perhaps, but I feel so close about them as they've been a friends of mine long long time ago, although we just met once at Austria and haven't talked much after the last summer. I don't know why, but I've never forgotten things happened at the Feuchthaus.
After the Vienna, I began to make new website which has more interactive function than the official website has. It should contain a lot of memories from the camp and easily make us remind and feel things happened at there (a kind of archives I expected). But, I didn't have enough amounts of pictures, so I asked the permission to use pictures to the guy who worked as a photographer at there. He allowed me to use all of them and told as we could keep in touch much easier with new website. I don't want to think he just left from us without any reason. Maybe he thought he finished his role at there, and I felt like taking that role from him, instead. Perhaps this is the reason why I could believe meeting'em again without any suspicious. The Feuchthaus didn't finish in some part of my heart at that point.
We could meet again this summer. It's just about 1 or 2weeks, but every time, every moment spent with them is brilliantly remembered as a scene of the cinema. and even I could say "bye" to her this time (It's wierd. I just made some ridiculous speech ever in my life and told her "see you again" when we last time talked at station of Gänserndorf).
Things happened at Russia and then, Austria aren't talked much by myself after this summer. It will be alive with me as long as I keep it just inside of myself. and every time turning the pages of the album, I remember how much I loved them.
Isn' it wonderful, having a experience which can be called as a beautiful moment ever in your life ?
風のそよぐ音に周囲の色。 全てがゆっくりと停止していくような、そしてそこに立っているのは僕たちだけのような感覚を、あの瞬間に覚えた。 そう、確かに感じた。 どれだけ言葉を尽くしてもあの時の事だけはうまく表すことはできないし、むしろ表せば表そうとするほど色あせていってしまうような気がする。でも、心の中ではいつでもまるでその場に戻ったかのように生き生きとしてあの瞬間を思い出すことができる。
こんな言葉じゃ到底本当の気持ちを表しきれてないと思うけど、でもそんな思い出を持つことができて、僕は本当に幸せだった。
awww, Writing good thing is little bit more than what I expected. I'm sleepy now, but well, this is a good time to reset everything. So I'll try bit more.
Bad thing
It's kinda strange thing to me taking a 6 months to move on from my ex thing. I'm a such a man who can forget about everything in next morning, and following other girls ass asap (maybe some of the reader of this LJ remember the other girl who I used to be liked ? I forgot about her as soon as I had a relationship with this ex. ha ha, so I'm a such a man). Then some of my friends call me as a Parasite (don't ask me why) or simply swinger (It's really annoying to be called in such a negative way. I've never behaved like rude in front of the girls as the other guys do). After leaving from Europe, first of all, I tried to fix our relation, but it failed (...How silly I was. it's a typical loser's reaction...) but, I wanted to believe as she is still my friend. She was a one of the best friends who I met at the ICU. well, I'm not sure as she also thought me even as a friend of hers.
Of course I don't forgive what she did to me. It'd be much better if she just told as she doesn’t like me anymore before going with other guy. She did the best things to piss me off, despite she know it beforehand.
It probably didn't work because of this feeling. Every time when I talked to her, a half of myself got a really offensive and negative thought, and rest of myself is just scared about it and wondered if everything can be starting over. If I can believe her again, at least as I did before. I was scared myself. I really scared this vicious side of myself, if I leave it, something wrong would happen.
So, I decide one thing on myself. Leave from her life. No chat, no e-mail, no calling anymore. She doesn't have to see this dork's face, and I want finish everything while some part of myself still remind her as my friend. It's gonna be good for both of us.
hm,
princemononoke maybe you are surprised now, since I always talked about her as a slut (aaa, I really hate to find myself calling friend as such a way !). But honestly, I just want to surprise you one day by telling we are fixed and welcome you again when you back here as we gave you a farewell party at that night.
... How so many things changed from that night ? I always wondered If I didn't see what I saw actually, and then everything would be different from now. Well, it's just a silly dork's thought now.
なんかさぁGood thingの方書いてたらどうでもよくなってきた。マジくっだらない。
but, If I confess only thing still I regret about her, it's an about some thing which I gave to her. I don't care about what I purchased, but that is a special gift from my other friend. I'm not sure exactly why I gave it, but probably I though as If I can give her things which is really precious and should not let to leave from me, she will be back...How silly, too silly man I was. I really want to back a time and KICK HIS ASS!! ;(
Ok, now I confessed EVERYTHING which stuck on my mind, and seems to be ready for last sleep of 2006.
C Новым Годом, Happy New Year and Love for All
Good night ;-)
P.S. I almost forgot ! I quote this entry's title from some famous song. What is it ? I will plan new year gift for the first person who find it.