(no subject)
I've been often told that I "have a way with words", yet the only times that I seem to have that ability is when I'm pissed off and/or writing. It's frustrating to me because nobody wants to just hear words...they want you to be there speaking the words. In person, I feel sometimes that I'm only good at customer service...put on a smile and keep talking because that's what people want. I'd much rather just be quiet and simply enjoy the presence of others rather than fill the void that so many people think silence is. I still seem to always try though. I just wish people would accept that silence isn't a void...it's much a needed reprieve from the consistent clamor of this life.
It's been a hard week. It's been a hard few years. I'm sick of death...I wish that bastard would leave me alone. Just for one year. I just ask for one year.
The thing I hate the most is that they always go away right as I start to try to have a relationship again. They go away right as I'm ready to hear the advice that they've been trying to feed me my whole life. They go away right as I'm ready to hear the stories of their lives and truly understand the complexities of their lives. When I'm ready to see them as all the rolls they filled, not just the roll they filled in my childhood.
Yes, I'm sad. No, I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. I want to go to work and come home and just be. I don't want people to come over. I need time to accept and process and then move on. My world is upside down right now and I need to flip it back over. It's not unhealthy, it's necessary.
It's been a hard week. It's been a hard few years. I'm sick of death...I wish that bastard would leave me alone. Just for one year. I just ask for one year.
The thing I hate the most is that they always go away right as I start to try to have a relationship again. They go away right as I'm ready to hear the advice that they've been trying to feed me my whole life. They go away right as I'm ready to hear the stories of their lives and truly understand the complexities of their lives. When I'm ready to see them as all the rolls they filled, not just the roll they filled in my childhood.
Yes, I'm sad. No, I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. I want to go to work and come home and just be. I don't want people to come over. I need time to accept and process and then move on. My world is upside down right now and I need to flip it back over. It's not unhealthy, it's necessary.