Isn't it romantic? Oh wait, no it's not.
This just in readers from the interwebs: I’m going to talk about something other than myself. Yes sir, a friend came to me with a concern and I’m going to discuss it here. And how will I go about doing that? By talking about myself, of course. Don’t think you got away from my egotism so easily.
So, Alli, my friend, came to me and asked me what I thought a first date should be like. And she had asked me it before, but it was more in regards to how she could hang out with this guy and not make it feel like a date, which sent up red flags for me, but she was okay with it. So, I didn’t really go into it with her. However, this time, with this dude, I did. Namely because I could tell that she liked him and I had been hearing that he was interested in her. Thoughts that were all confirmed last Friday. Bingo!
The first thing I told her, which is the first thing I tell everyone who is interested in dating, not getting into a relationship, but actually dating around and browsing what the world of being single involves is to read He’s Just Not That Into You. I know what you’re thinking. Dana, that’s super lame, and I don’t want to read that book that just perpetuates stereotypes. That’s what I thought too. You know, while I had my head up my ass and didn’t really give two thoughts about not committing to someone on the first date. Anyway, the book is great, and if you aren’t a reader, you’re in luck because the movie is out on DVD and Blu-Ray, and provides you with a good chunk of the basic info the book covers. The book gives some of the best insight to the male mind and that’s including my guy friends. Because this just in, you could have all the guy friends in the world, but they aren’t going to tell you some of the shit this book is. My guy friends sure didn’t, they would shrug and say he’s a dude, get over it. Or as AG told me, “I can’t tell you about secret guy stuff. That’s for us to know.” Oddly, I was giving his friend advice on a girl situation he had and how to tell if she was into him.
Alli started with the usual: what’s okay on a first date?
Whatever you’re comfortable with. My best advice is never go back to the guy’s house on the first date. This might sound like I’m a prude. Which if you know me you know the truth, but I think this is more common sense than anything else. Honestly, how well do you know the guy? If you’ve hung out with him once before, and that’s your only form of up close contact previous, I don’t think you know him at all so hold off.
I met Steve at Finnegan’s Wake in Philly. We were attracted to each other, and the booze enhanced that because we made out on the dance floor. We exchanged digits and he called me up relatively soon after that night. We talked on aim, became Facebook friends, etc etc. Then we set up an actual date. I ended up driving out to him- he lived in Jersey, which according to my friends sent up red flags all over the place. We ended up playing minigolf, and then he asked if I wanted to get drinks- I was all oh no I have to be back, I got shit to do and going to a restaurant is not on that list. Also, I hadn’t eaten all day so booze not the best bet for someone who would need to drive back to PA. I ended up going back to his place and realizing that we really didn’t have very much in common and that I just got myself in a situation where I was at a guy’s place who I’ve known for less than a day. Technically.
Alli then asked me: How do I know if he likes me?
He’s gonna be all up ons. That’s how you’ll know. And I don’t mean in the gross way. I mean in the he’s going to be all about you. He’ll talk to you, he’ll look at you, he’ll touch you, and most importantly he’ll ask you questions about your life. If he’s into you he’s trying to find out everything he can before the night(day, morning, etc) is over.
I learned this one the hard way- mostly because that’s how I learn everything. Screw riding on easy street, give me the giant sink holes in the middle of the road that I have to four-wheel my out of with my two-wheel drive car. I met Dave at a bar (are we seeing a trend here?) and he was all about me. Well, all about touching me. And also all about telling me about himself. I think it took me 4 or 5 dates to realize that he probably didn’t know anything significant about me while I knew where he went to school, what he was doing yesterday, and the name of his first kid. But man did he like touch. Also, I had to do everything on his schedule. So, when I called him, he was tired or busy, but when he called me he got all sorts of pissy when I couldn’t comply to his schedule. It took me about a month to realize that that’s really not the way you want to do a date, or a relationship for that matter.
Conversely, if he’s not really touching you, he’s not really into you either. I oddly went out of this date with this really amazing guy. We had great conversation and were really interested in each other’s life experiences. The only problem was that he felt he had to sit like a foot away from me, wouldn’t hold my hand and when it became time to kiss goodbye, which took about 3 or 4 dates before it became awkward, well it was just awkward. There was nothing natural about it. No chemistry at all. He said it was because he didn’t really like physical affection. And when he told me this I was like, oh that’s okay and I thought to myself that I could work around it, make it work better. But, and this part is important girls, you should never feel like you have to work for a relationship. And guys, girls like to be touched. It makes them feel beautiful, attractive, and wanted. Don’t go honking their boobs or anything, just gentle touches on the arm, or if you’re walking together put your hand on her back and lead her. It’s nice, I swear, and it’s not condescending or anything. If anything it makes a girl feel like you are going to protect her.
So, I went on some good dates that we just didn’t fit together and some bad dates where I was just torturing myself. And if I could give one piece of advice to women out there it’s to date around. I know it’s not for everyone. But I did things the hard way with my previous two relationships, and everything felt really forced. There are times when I question if I was with them out of love or necessity not that I obsess about it or anything. But when I compare those experiences with what I have going on now, I realize I went about things then the wrong way even though I didn’t know any better. With AG, things are very relaxed and are happening when I’m ready. I don’t ever feel pushed to tell him I love him or like I give up all my free time for him. So, take it slow, be critical on first dates, and make the guy do the work, because if he likes you he’ll do it, no questions asked. And if you like him back let him know. If you don’t, toss him aside and move on.
So, Alli, my friend, came to me and asked me what I thought a first date should be like. And she had asked me it before, but it was more in regards to how she could hang out with this guy and not make it feel like a date, which sent up red flags for me, but she was okay with it. So, I didn’t really go into it with her. However, this time, with this dude, I did. Namely because I could tell that she liked him and I had been hearing that he was interested in her. Thoughts that were all confirmed last Friday. Bingo!
The first thing I told her, which is the first thing I tell everyone who is interested in dating, not getting into a relationship, but actually dating around and browsing what the world of being single involves is to read He’s Just Not That Into You. I know what you’re thinking. Dana, that’s super lame, and I don’t want to read that book that just perpetuates stereotypes. That’s what I thought too. You know, while I had my head up my ass and didn’t really give two thoughts about not committing to someone on the first date. Anyway, the book is great, and if you aren’t a reader, you’re in luck because the movie is out on DVD and Blu-Ray, and provides you with a good chunk of the basic info the book covers. The book gives some of the best insight to the male mind and that’s including my guy friends. Because this just in, you could have all the guy friends in the world, but they aren’t going to tell you some of the shit this book is. My guy friends sure didn’t, they would shrug and say he’s a dude, get over it. Or as AG told me, “I can’t tell you about secret guy stuff. That’s for us to know.” Oddly, I was giving his friend advice on a girl situation he had and how to tell if she was into him.
Alli started with the usual: what’s okay on a first date?
Whatever you’re comfortable with. My best advice is never go back to the guy’s house on the first date. This might sound like I’m a prude. Which if you know me you know the truth, but I think this is more common sense than anything else. Honestly, how well do you know the guy? If you’ve hung out with him once before, and that’s your only form of up close contact previous, I don’t think you know him at all so hold off.
I met Steve at Finnegan’s Wake in Philly. We were attracted to each other, and the booze enhanced that because we made out on the dance floor. We exchanged digits and he called me up relatively soon after that night. We talked on aim, became Facebook friends, etc etc. Then we set up an actual date. I ended up driving out to him- he lived in Jersey, which according to my friends sent up red flags all over the place. We ended up playing minigolf, and then he asked if I wanted to get drinks- I was all oh no I have to be back, I got shit to do and going to a restaurant is not on that list. Also, I hadn’t eaten all day so booze not the best bet for someone who would need to drive back to PA. I ended up going back to his place and realizing that we really didn’t have very much in common and that I just got myself in a situation where I was at a guy’s place who I’ve known for less than a day. Technically.
Alli then asked me: How do I know if he likes me?
He’s gonna be all up ons. That’s how you’ll know. And I don’t mean in the gross way. I mean in the he’s going to be all about you. He’ll talk to you, he’ll look at you, he’ll touch you, and most importantly he’ll ask you questions about your life. If he’s into you he’s trying to find out everything he can before the night(day, morning, etc) is over.
I learned this one the hard way- mostly because that’s how I learn everything. Screw riding on easy street, give me the giant sink holes in the middle of the road that I have to four-wheel my out of with my two-wheel drive car. I met Dave at a bar (are we seeing a trend here?) and he was all about me. Well, all about touching me. And also all about telling me about himself. I think it took me 4 or 5 dates to realize that he probably didn’t know anything significant about me while I knew where he went to school, what he was doing yesterday, and the name of his first kid. But man did he like touch. Also, I had to do everything on his schedule. So, when I called him, he was tired or busy, but when he called me he got all sorts of pissy when I couldn’t comply to his schedule. It took me about a month to realize that that’s really not the way you want to do a date, or a relationship for that matter.
Conversely, if he’s not really touching you, he’s not really into you either. I oddly went out of this date with this really amazing guy. We had great conversation and were really interested in each other’s life experiences. The only problem was that he felt he had to sit like a foot away from me, wouldn’t hold my hand and when it became time to kiss goodbye, which took about 3 or 4 dates before it became awkward, well it was just awkward. There was nothing natural about it. No chemistry at all. He said it was because he didn’t really like physical affection. And when he told me this I was like, oh that’s okay and I thought to myself that I could work around it, make it work better. But, and this part is important girls, you should never feel like you have to work for a relationship. And guys, girls like to be touched. It makes them feel beautiful, attractive, and wanted. Don’t go honking their boobs or anything, just gentle touches on the arm, or if you’re walking together put your hand on her back and lead her. It’s nice, I swear, and it’s not condescending or anything. If anything it makes a girl feel like you are going to protect her.
So, I went on some good dates that we just didn’t fit together and some bad dates where I was just torturing myself. And if I could give one piece of advice to women out there it’s to date around. I know it’s not for everyone. But I did things the hard way with my previous two relationships, and everything felt really forced. There are times when I question if I was with them out of love or necessity not that I obsess about it or anything. But when I compare those experiences with what I have going on now, I realize I went about things then the wrong way even though I didn’t know any better. With AG, things are very relaxed and are happening when I’m ready. I don’t ever feel pushed to tell him I love him or like I give up all my free time for him. So, take it slow, be critical on first dates, and make the guy do the work, because if he likes you he’ll do it, no questions asked. And if you like him back let him know. If you don’t, toss him aside and move on.