It's just no good anymore since you went away
So, I watched the movie Australia the other day. If you haven't seen the movie I can sum it up for you really quickly in a way that wont give away significant plot points.
A bunch of Australian actors and actresses get together and decide that no one has paid attention to their country since Crocodile Dundee. Hugh Jackman walks around all sexy like using his super sexy Australian accent and being all rugged and manly. Nicole Kidman walks around being pretty and needy, all in all acting the way the rest of the world sees the English. A very accurate portrayal. Some shit happens. Cue dramatic aerial shots of the outback and North Australia. Cue Jackman and Kidman making out. Cue the kangaroos. And scene.
There is something I have to get off my chest, and it’s not my shirt, so you can forget about that. It’s about being a woman, and being single.
Now to start off, I rarely refer to myself as a woman, because that sounds so grown up, and as a person who is still living with their parents and has no job, and blah blah blah. I see myself in this limbo stage where I’m just this person with boobs and occasional female tendencies. Almost god-like, but that’s just me being egotistical.
There are two main issues with being single: being single and actually wanting to be single, and being single and not wanting to be single. Those are then divided into subcategories which further the explanation of the humiliation of the single person in question. I’m going to start with the single woman who actually wants to be single, because a.) that’s me and 2.) I’m important.
When I first came into being single after almost two years of being in a relationship it was rough. I wont gloss over the facts, but I was kinda, sorta, really desperate. In my defense, it’s mainly because after thinking of yourself as being a part of two for so long, and then just not, it really blows. You do some things you aren’t proud of. I for one got really drunk and tried to steal a friend’s hat in the hope that he would love me, but because he was my friend he did not take advantage of me, and for that I am grateful. I feel that you need that low point in order to pull yourself up and make your new life shine even better. And while I don’t always sound that hokey in person, you can bet I needed that hokey shit to get me out of bed some mornings.
Did I want a boyfriend for a while? You betcha. I longed to have that intimacy, that dependency, that knowledge that there is someone always there who has my back. Should I have one now? It isn’t necessary. This brings me to the first problem with being single and actually wanting to be single:
Everyone wants to set you up. Even if you don’t really want to be.
When people are in relationships they assume all single people want to be just like them. Now you there, in the relationship, sitting there reading this may say, “But Dana, I never, ever assume people want to be like me and my significant other.” While no, you don’t say it out loud it’s there when you say “If you don’t mind being a 3rd wheel” or “Come to this party. Steve’s coworkers are single and hot” or “I have sex with my boyfriend every night. When was the last time you’ve had sex?”
Here’s the thing. I am an outsider looking in on all y’all’s relationships. I’ve seen almost every one of my friends (there are exceptions) freak out, panic, yell, or make excuses for the relationships they are in, and I can tell you that I am almost positive that I want none of that shit. Period.
Here’s what I do want: the freedom to do what I want, the flexibility to change my plans at a moments notice without some other force freaking out. I also want the knowledge that I could pack all my stuff up tomorrow and move to East Jabip and not have to break any hearts doing so. Right now, my life is fairly volatile, and if I get offered a job somewhere that’s not here, I don’t want to feel that regret that I’m leaving someone behind. However, dear readers, I’m not shutting down my heart, don’t think that for one second. I still date around, and if I manage to find a guy that I really like, I’ll figure that shit out down the road. Right now I’m having a good time being just me though.
This brings my to problem number two to being single and wanting it. If you aren’t desperately seeking a boyfriend, you’re seen as a ho. And generally not the garden variety hoe, but the full on Night in Paris Hilton ho. What does this mean? This means that there are warnings about you out around your town. Guys are warning( or advertising) other guys that all you are good for is a one night stand, and that’s all. Hell, even your friends kinda start seeing you as sex crazed. Look at Samantha from Sex and the City- a pillar for strong independent women everywhere. People see that, a woman who is using men the way men use women and immediately need to bring her down.
I’ve had conversations that accuse me of being sex crazed. Me. Of all people in the world. While I’m not the most innocent person, I would certainly not call myself sex crazed, but here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Why don’t you and your boyfriend go out and have a good time and forget about those problems for the night.
Stacey: We don’t just go around having sex all the time. We actually like to hang out, you know.
Me: Uh, I wasn’t saying to go have-
Stacey: I don’t appreciate you telling us to fuck our problems away. We have serious issues and you cannot possibly understand them.
Me: Uh, okay, forget I said anything.
In an entirely different situation, a friend of mine was trying to see this one guy. Now, for the purposes of our story, we will forget that the guy was a total asshat to her, and focus on my point. After a few conversations where he told her that she would have to settle down, not go out as much, and not see any other guys. Which is good, if it wasn’t a precursor for a first date. He asked her out for Friday night, which she agreed to. He was going to take her out to this fancy Asian fusion bistro in University City and assumedly sweep her off her feet, or some sappy crap like that. When the big date night rolled around, he never called. In fact, he stopped contacting her a few days before that too. She didn’t know what was up, but that didn’t stop her from going out. A few days later she got an instant message that told her that one of her friends told him that she was a “bar whore.”
And I thought it was demeaning just trying to get a job.
Part 2 coming to a theater near you.
A bunch of Australian actors and actresses get together and decide that no one has paid attention to their country since Crocodile Dundee. Hugh Jackman walks around all sexy like using his super sexy Australian accent and being all rugged and manly. Nicole Kidman walks around being pretty and needy, all in all acting the way the rest of the world sees the English. A very accurate portrayal. Some shit happens. Cue dramatic aerial shots of the outback and North Australia. Cue Jackman and Kidman making out. Cue the kangaroos. And scene.
There is something I have to get off my chest, and it’s not my shirt, so you can forget about that. It’s about being a woman, and being single.
Now to start off, I rarely refer to myself as a woman, because that sounds so grown up, and as a person who is still living with their parents and has no job, and blah blah blah. I see myself in this limbo stage where I’m just this person with boobs and occasional female tendencies. Almost god-like, but that’s just me being egotistical.
There are two main issues with being single: being single and actually wanting to be single, and being single and not wanting to be single. Those are then divided into subcategories which further the explanation of the humiliation of the single person in question. I’m going to start with the single woman who actually wants to be single, because a.) that’s me and 2.) I’m important.
When I first came into being single after almost two years of being in a relationship it was rough. I wont gloss over the facts, but I was kinda, sorta, really desperate. In my defense, it’s mainly because after thinking of yourself as being a part of two for so long, and then just not, it really blows. You do some things you aren’t proud of. I for one got really drunk and tried to steal a friend’s hat in the hope that he would love me, but because he was my friend he did not take advantage of me, and for that I am grateful. I feel that you need that low point in order to pull yourself up and make your new life shine even better. And while I don’t always sound that hokey in person, you can bet I needed that hokey shit to get me out of bed some mornings.
Did I want a boyfriend for a while? You betcha. I longed to have that intimacy, that dependency, that knowledge that there is someone always there who has my back. Should I have one now? It isn’t necessary. This brings me to the first problem with being single and actually wanting to be single:
Everyone wants to set you up. Even if you don’t really want to be.
When people are in relationships they assume all single people want to be just like them. Now you there, in the relationship, sitting there reading this may say, “But Dana, I never, ever assume people want to be like me and my significant other.” While no, you don’t say it out loud it’s there when you say “If you don’t mind being a 3rd wheel” or “Come to this party. Steve’s coworkers are single and hot” or “I have sex with my boyfriend every night. When was the last time you’ve had sex?”
Here’s the thing. I am an outsider looking in on all y’all’s relationships. I’ve seen almost every one of my friends (there are exceptions) freak out, panic, yell, or make excuses for the relationships they are in, and I can tell you that I am almost positive that I want none of that shit. Period.
Here’s what I do want: the freedom to do what I want, the flexibility to change my plans at a moments notice without some other force freaking out. I also want the knowledge that I could pack all my stuff up tomorrow and move to East Jabip and not have to break any hearts doing so. Right now, my life is fairly volatile, and if I get offered a job somewhere that’s not here, I don’t want to feel that regret that I’m leaving someone behind. However, dear readers, I’m not shutting down my heart, don’t think that for one second. I still date around, and if I manage to find a guy that I really like, I’ll figure that shit out down the road. Right now I’m having a good time being just me though.
This brings my to problem number two to being single and wanting it. If you aren’t desperately seeking a boyfriend, you’re seen as a ho. And generally not the garden variety hoe, but the full on Night in Paris Hilton ho. What does this mean? This means that there are warnings about you out around your town. Guys are warning( or advertising) other guys that all you are good for is a one night stand, and that’s all. Hell, even your friends kinda start seeing you as sex crazed. Look at Samantha from Sex and the City- a pillar for strong independent women everywhere. People see that, a woman who is using men the way men use women and immediately need to bring her down.
I’ve had conversations that accuse me of being sex crazed. Me. Of all people in the world. While I’m not the most innocent person, I would certainly not call myself sex crazed, but here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Why don’t you and your boyfriend go out and have a good time and forget about those problems for the night.
Stacey: We don’t just go around having sex all the time. We actually like to hang out, you know.
Me: Uh, I wasn’t saying to go have-
Stacey: I don’t appreciate you telling us to fuck our problems away. We have serious issues and you cannot possibly understand them.
Me: Uh, okay, forget I said anything.
In an entirely different situation, a friend of mine was trying to see this one guy. Now, for the purposes of our story, we will forget that the guy was a total asshat to her, and focus on my point. After a few conversations where he told her that she would have to settle down, not go out as much, and not see any other guys. Which is good, if it wasn’t a precursor for a first date. He asked her out for Friday night, which she agreed to. He was going to take her out to this fancy Asian fusion bistro in University City and assumedly sweep her off her feet, or some sappy crap like that. When the big date night rolled around, he never called. In fact, he stopped contacting her a few days before that too. She didn’t know what was up, but that didn’t stop her from going out. A few days later she got an instant message that told her that one of her friends told him that she was a “bar whore.”
And I thought it was demeaning just trying to get a job.
Part 2 coming to a theater near you.