(no subject)
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Sorry, I get excited sometimes. Taught my fingers about fifty-four new chords today, even though I don't know the names of all of them, and many of them are the same chord, in a different position. Besides, the same chord sounds different in different positions, due to the difference in scale length. Anyways, what matters is that I'm finally starting to get my pinky moving. Learning these nine new chord shapes is not only important physically (forcing the muscles to memorized the movements), but also mentally. Now I can listen to many, many more chord progressions than previously, and I can examine the relationships between many, many more chords. I'm getting all school-girlish. It feels almost exactly like falling in love with someone, but the someone is me, and my newfound abilities to express myself musically. I want to go spin around outside with my arms held wide, laughing at the top of my lungs. But it's five-thirty in the morning, and my neighbors would probably lynch me. I think learning to play the guitar properly will further erode the nagging sense of self-doubt I've had my entire life, as well as do something to boost my constantly low self-confidence.
Often, as I sit here typing away to noone in particular (I don't deceive myself that people actually read this thing, as most people have gone to Myspace, or merely lost interest, I'm now keeping this Journal for myself, as a place where I can think without the ruckus of everyday life.), I often have "mini-revelations", where ideas and thoughts that I have (And I have a LOT of them, it seems that every waking moment I have this insane flood of information flowing through my mind) suddenly fall into place, making a picture. These piece aren't forever locked into this picture though, they're still free to float around and try to become other pictures. These pictures go on to join with other pictures to create bigger pictures, which go on to create bigger pictures. So what you end up with is a constantly evolving tapestry of information, made up of smaller subsets of information, always moving around, always comparing itself to it's past self. It's just like natural selection, but in my head, with my thoughts. I suppose it's a thought process that's served me well over the years. People often critize me, because I'm not "hip", or because I can (and have, and will) suddenly change my viewpoint regarding a matter. They think I'm being, to use the unfortunate parlance of our times, a "flip-flopper". What they don't realize is that if I change my opinion, or viewpoint, it's because new information has been uncovered, and assimilated into the vast repository of seemingly trivial facts and ideas that I have tucked away in my brain. As I go through my day, I constantly draw upon these facts and ideas to see how they fit into my current situation, be it sitting on the bus, or operating a seven and a half-ton piece of material handling equipment. Think about a small child playing with one of a toy set consisting of a board with cutout shapes, and blocks cut into corresponding shapes. It sort of like that, but instead of five or six shapes, I have hundreds upon millions of shapes, and many of them are very, very similar, and some of the holes can accept multiple shapes without being incorrect. I realize now that this thought process is what differentiates me from most of society. What I can't understand is why I can't find people that will accept that this is the way I think. I think I'm going to have to take a deeper look into my childhood, as painful as that might be, and see what differences I had in my upbringing that may have contributed to this peculiar shaping of my mind. I'm told that my mother's side of the family is very intelligent, but very, very mentally unstable. I've met only a handful of my mom's family, and only once or twice. My father's family I've lived with, and are genuinely nice people. Not the fake nice you get from cashiers and sales associates at stores, or the fake kind of nice you get from friends that are just suffering you because they only like you some of the time, I'm talking about holy-shit-this-person-is-actually-taking-an-interest-in-what-and-how-I'm-doing-and-fellowship-for-all-man-kind sort of nice. These people are the sort of people that should be in charge of the county. These folks try to elevate everyone around them, regardless of race, religion, or any of that. They're Christians, but they keep their religious opinions out of everything, even everyday conversation. They'll help others as often as they can, without any regard to any sort of reward. None of this, "You can pay me back later.", or "You can just help me out next time.", crap. I'm incredibly proud of this part of my family. They're not the most technically advanced folks, you won't find them sneaking past firewalls, or toting around a fancy Blackberry or anything like that, but they know common sense, and they know logic, and those are more important, in my opinion, than any sort of technical knowledge. Sure, all the flashy rote learning stuff like statistics and formulas and whatnot is very important, especially as science progresses and becomes more and more complicated. But logic and common sense are at the very core of the scientific method, and even philosophy, and as such, rule and shape the world around us. Perhaps learning more about the why of how I think will further help me to figure out just what I believe in, and where I belong. Maybe a few more pieces of the big picture will drop into place along the way, and with any luck, I'll finally realize my dream of being able to play guitar the way I'd like to.
I think my LiveJournal is going to take a decidedly philosophical bent, with heavy leanings towards introspection. I've been trying so hard for these past seven years to fit in with the crowd, and I'm finally getting around to realizing that the crowd is not where I fit in. I've had this notion instilled in me that I have to be part of something popular. I'm going to have work very hard to remove it. But I think the end result will be more than worthwhile, and I think many of the psychosi that I have will disappear entirely.
As the Beatles said:
I've got to admit it's getting better,
It's getting better all the time.
Yeah, it's a love song, and I quoted it slightly out of context, but I think it's fucking applicable, so sod off, eh?
Oh wow, ten minutes after I wrote the main body of my post, I went to Wikipedia to find out what chords I've been playing, for the Music bit on the bottom of my post, since that's what I'm currently listening to. Wikipedia once again is going to catapult me forward in my knowledge, but this time musically. I could literally continue expounding for hours, but I have to reign in my head before my thought speed up too much and my mind turns to jelly from the sheer heat of my synapses firing.
Later on I think I'm going to explore my upbringing, and something I think may be even more important, my early schooling.
Sorry, I get excited sometimes. Taught my fingers about fifty-four new chords today, even though I don't know the names of all of them, and many of them are the same chord, in a different position. Besides, the same chord sounds different in different positions, due to the difference in scale length. Anyways, what matters is that I'm finally starting to get my pinky moving. Learning these nine new chord shapes is not only important physically (forcing the muscles to memorized the movements), but also mentally. Now I can listen to many, many more chord progressions than previously, and I can examine the relationships between many, many more chords. I'm getting all school-girlish. It feels almost exactly like falling in love with someone, but the someone is me, and my newfound abilities to express myself musically. I want to go spin around outside with my arms held wide, laughing at the top of my lungs. But it's five-thirty in the morning, and my neighbors would probably lynch me. I think learning to play the guitar properly will further erode the nagging sense of self-doubt I've had my entire life, as well as do something to boost my constantly low self-confidence.
Often, as I sit here typing away to noone in particular (I don't deceive myself that people actually read this thing, as most people have gone to Myspace, or merely lost interest, I'm now keeping this Journal for myself, as a place where I can think without the ruckus of everyday life.), I often have "mini-revelations", where ideas and thoughts that I have (And I have a LOT of them, it seems that every waking moment I have this insane flood of information flowing through my mind) suddenly fall into place, making a picture. These piece aren't forever locked into this picture though, they're still free to float around and try to become other pictures. These pictures go on to join with other pictures to create bigger pictures, which go on to create bigger pictures. So what you end up with is a constantly evolving tapestry of information, made up of smaller subsets of information, always moving around, always comparing itself to it's past self. It's just like natural selection, but in my head, with my thoughts. I suppose it's a thought process that's served me well over the years. People often critize me, because I'm not "hip", or because I can (and have, and will) suddenly change my viewpoint regarding a matter. They think I'm being, to use the unfortunate parlance of our times, a "flip-flopper". What they don't realize is that if I change my opinion, or viewpoint, it's because new information has been uncovered, and assimilated into the vast repository of seemingly trivial facts and ideas that I have tucked away in my brain. As I go through my day, I constantly draw upon these facts and ideas to see how they fit into my current situation, be it sitting on the bus, or operating a seven and a half-ton piece of material handling equipment. Think about a small child playing with one of a toy set consisting of a board with cutout shapes, and blocks cut into corresponding shapes. It sort of like that, but instead of five or six shapes, I have hundreds upon millions of shapes, and many of them are very, very similar, and some of the holes can accept multiple shapes without being incorrect. I realize now that this thought process is what differentiates me from most of society. What I can't understand is why I can't find people that will accept that this is the way I think. I think I'm going to have to take a deeper look into my childhood, as painful as that might be, and see what differences I had in my upbringing that may have contributed to this peculiar shaping of my mind. I'm told that my mother's side of the family is very intelligent, but very, very mentally unstable. I've met only a handful of my mom's family, and only once or twice. My father's family I've lived with, and are genuinely nice people. Not the fake nice you get from cashiers and sales associates at stores, or the fake kind of nice you get from friends that are just suffering you because they only like you some of the time, I'm talking about holy-shit-this-person-is-actually-taking-an-interest-in-what-and-how-I'm-doing-and-fellowship-for-all-man-kind sort of nice. These people are the sort of people that should be in charge of the county. These folks try to elevate everyone around them, regardless of race, religion, or any of that. They're Christians, but they keep their religious opinions out of everything, even everyday conversation. They'll help others as often as they can, without any regard to any sort of reward. None of this, "You can pay me back later.", or "You can just help me out next time.", crap. I'm incredibly proud of this part of my family. They're not the most technically advanced folks, you won't find them sneaking past firewalls, or toting around a fancy Blackberry or anything like that, but they know common sense, and they know logic, and those are more important, in my opinion, than any sort of technical knowledge. Sure, all the flashy rote learning stuff like statistics and formulas and whatnot is very important, especially as science progresses and becomes more and more complicated. But logic and common sense are at the very core of the scientific method, and even philosophy, and as such, rule and shape the world around us. Perhaps learning more about the why of how I think will further help me to figure out just what I believe in, and where I belong. Maybe a few more pieces of the big picture will drop into place along the way, and with any luck, I'll finally realize my dream of being able to play guitar the way I'd like to.
I think my LiveJournal is going to take a decidedly philosophical bent, with heavy leanings towards introspection. I've been trying so hard for these past seven years to fit in with the crowd, and I'm finally getting around to realizing that the crowd is not where I fit in. I've had this notion instilled in me that I have to be part of something popular. I'm going to have work very hard to remove it. But I think the end result will be more than worthwhile, and I think many of the psychosi that I have will disappear entirely.
As the Beatles said:
I've got to admit it's getting better,
It's getting better all the time.
Yeah, it's a love song, and I quoted it slightly out of context, but I think it's fucking applicable, so sod off, eh?
Oh wow, ten minutes after I wrote the main body of my post, I went to Wikipedia to find out what chords I've been playing, for the Music bit on the bottom of my post, since that's what I'm currently listening to. Wikipedia once again is going to catapult me forward in my knowledge, but this time musically. I could literally continue expounding for hours, but I have to reign in my head before my thought speed up too much and my mind turns to jelly from the sheer heat of my synapses firing.
Later on I think I'm going to explore my upbringing, and something I think may be even more important, my early schooling.