(no subject)
It is 2:49 am in Iowa city... i was trying to sleep but I kept on coming up with these great comebacks for this drunken guy who yelled out the window of his car "hurry it up big girl"
... i wish it didn't bug me that much...
I mean it shouldn't, right? I know that. He is just some drunk asshole.... and its not like that is really all that of a bad thing to say. but I mean... idk... it stll hurts me.
I think this is kinda ridiculous that it hurts.
hells yes i am a woman and I am 6'2"
Hells yes I am muscular
hells no, I'm not a thin stick
and where has this gotten me?
why its made me fucking good at rowing
which has given me the opportunity to be a division 1 athlete
Which is paying for my college education
do something that I love and not go into debt? sounds good.
There was nothing special about him.
I saw about fifty other shallow jerks like him crawling home from the bars downtown while i gracefully strolled home from the coffee shop.
Why does this bug me so much?
Why is it easier for people to be jerks than to give a fucking compliment every once in a while?!
why do I take jabs into my heart and assume that people are joking or I don't deserve it when I get a compliment? Why when I see a guy check me out... even when I know that is what they are doing... I assume uh oh... so I have something on my face? did I spill something on my shirt? what is wrong with me now?
SOmething else... i honestly think that I am beautiful (ok yes this sounds self absorbed....) but then someone says something like that and my self confidence shatters like thin glass... and I doubt myself... wait am I really pretty? am I just kidding myself?
its a terrible feeling.
ugh.
I don't know. whatever.
... i wish it didn't bug me that much...
I mean it shouldn't, right? I know that. He is just some drunk asshole.... and its not like that is really all that of a bad thing to say. but I mean... idk... it stll hurts me.
I think this is kinda ridiculous that it hurts.
hells yes i am a woman and I am 6'2"
Hells yes I am muscular
hells no, I'm not a thin stick
and where has this gotten me?
why its made me fucking good at rowing
which has given me the opportunity to be a division 1 athlete
Which is paying for my college education
do something that I love and not go into debt? sounds good.
There was nothing special about him.
I saw about fifty other shallow jerks like him crawling home from the bars downtown while i gracefully strolled home from the coffee shop.
Why does this bug me so much?
Why is it easier for people to be jerks than to give a fucking compliment every once in a while?!
why do I take jabs into my heart and assume that people are joking or I don't deserve it when I get a compliment? Why when I see a guy check me out... even when I know that is what they are doing... I assume uh oh... so I have something on my face? did I spill something on my shirt? what is wrong with me now?
SOmething else... i honestly think that I am beautiful (ok yes this sounds self absorbed....) but then someone says something like that and my self confidence shatters like thin glass... and I doubt myself... wait am I really pretty? am I just kidding myself?
its a terrible feeling.
ugh.
I don't know. whatever.