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[turquoiseflea]

I'm home. I don't know how to feel about anything. I don't know what to do. I'm happy. I look outside and see mountain ranges and rolling hills and cypress trees dangling their raggedy beauty and fog, and it's all waiting for me to go running and walking and dreaming on. This will always be my home. I just wish it were possible to have both worlds

Comments

[rynmorianqueen]

If you have found your home, grab on and don't let go. I have a deep fondness for Huntington, but I could leave and never look back if it came to it. That tells me I haven't found home yet. I don't know whether it will be in New York City or Den Taag or Cairo or Lebanon or Washington, DC, but I do know that when I find it, I will hold on like there's no tomorrow. Sure, I'll go away and work other places and maybe live for a long time in other locations, but home -- if I ever find a home -- home will be where I put down roots. If you have a place where you want to put down roots, don't let anyone talk you out of it. I also think you can offer the world all your wonderful talents while you stay rooted in Point Arena. When they tell you you have too much to offer to stay there, they're saying they're not part of the world. That's absurd. You can offer the world your gifts in any corner of the world. I also agree with Rachel that if you're not happy -- if some part of you doesn't feel deeply settled about what you're doing, despite stress, annoyances, illness, or insecurities -- then go on looking. As Cookie Monster said, it takes some people longer to find their vocation than others. It's kind of luck of the draw whether you stumble onto it sooner versus later (or divine intervention; I believe God has a plan for everyone's life and sends aspirations and ideas along in his own time). In any case, you'll find your niche.

[turquoiseflea]

I don't know if it's home, though, because it was my first home, and we know how firsts are always the most lasting. I think I could find another place that would be just as much home to me as Point Arena, but it's hard to accept the idea of that ever happening. I grew up here, played here, made friends, had boyfriends, watched sunsets and sunrises. My entire life so far is in the trees, the smells, the ocean, my room, our road.

It's fascinating to put myself in your shoes and imagine that Huntington is nice, but not home. How cool that would be! To be able to not feel so heavy and connected and rooted -- to feel excited about where home might be.

I was really fond of Amsterdam. Maybe it's because I immersed myself in so much Anne Frank when I was younger that I feel like I know what it's like to call it home, or maybe I lived there in a past life, or maybe it's truly a Caitlin-friendly place and I felt that when I was there.

Good point about Point Arena being part of the world, too. My parents really dig me, though, and I think they want me to go out there and rip 'em up -- go show myself off to other parts of the world, go change the world with my talents. I see their point. I know I can do a lot -- if I have the will, the ability. I doubt that I have the latter. I think I'm not educated enough, not smart enough, not quite good enough, not strong enough.

Thanks for your wise words mijn schat!