(no subject)
i'm sitting in the class, HIS 277, modern color line, and i've been on my laptop the entire time. i can't believe he's actually talked this much, and there's ten minutes left to go. my back gave out a little.
i spoke to nofal on AIM. it was a little depressing. i was talking to him about maha, about bulemia and about family dinners without me.
DeathOmen502: a typical night is me mom and dad sitting downstairs either on the table or next to the fireplace and maha with upstairs either with or w/o her plate
i could actually see it. i saw dad next to the fireplace, legs outstretched, and mom, worn out from work, drinking her tea. nofal's sitting there, keeping them company, probably massaging mom's feet or back. they are watching the pakistani news.
maha is upstairs, either eating, not eating or throwing up in the bathroom. she leaves the bathroom mostly intact, aside from a few morsels floating atop the toilet bowl.
i wonder where i'd fit in. no scratch that, i wouldn't fit in. in a fit of rage over eid monies this weekend maha so blatantly stated:
"you're not even a part of this family anymore."
ouch, that cut so-not deep. but maybe it should have.
and then mom said on sunday that she felt internally depressed. i said to myself, at least you don't feel externally depressed--that shit leaves scars. i should know.
im back in my room listening to conor and omg he never fails to get me emo. these past few days and weeks and month and a half have been lovely and hurtful, but people always tend to reflect on the hurt. i hope i don't for too long, lest i waste anymore time.
i spoke to nofal on AIM. it was a little depressing. i was talking to him about maha, about bulemia and about family dinners without me.
DeathOmen502: a typical night is me mom and dad sitting downstairs either on the table or next to the fireplace and maha with upstairs either with or w/o her plate
i could actually see it. i saw dad next to the fireplace, legs outstretched, and mom, worn out from work, drinking her tea. nofal's sitting there, keeping them company, probably massaging mom's feet or back. they are watching the pakistani news.
maha is upstairs, either eating, not eating or throwing up in the bathroom. she leaves the bathroom mostly intact, aside from a few morsels floating atop the toilet bowl.
i wonder where i'd fit in. no scratch that, i wouldn't fit in. in a fit of rage over eid monies this weekend maha so blatantly stated:
"you're not even a part of this family anymore."
ouch, that cut so-not deep. but maybe it should have.
and then mom said on sunday that she felt internally depressed. i said to myself, at least you don't feel externally depressed--that shit leaves scars. i should know.
im back in my room listening to conor and omg he never fails to get me emo. these past few days and weeks and month and a half have been lovely and hurtful, but people always tend to reflect on the hurt. i hope i don't for too long, lest i waste anymore time.