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[turnthebadinme]

Serena had forgotten. It was stupid, she knew, to forget that people vanished here, that it would happen to her, too. This was, after all, a basic rule of island life, of life anywhere, and she had lost more than a few people in her time, so it should have been easy to remember. She was, however, an optimist by nature, and although she'd been badly

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[turnthebadinme]

Serena wasn't a stupid girl. For all her pretense at innocence, she wasn't particularly naive either. She had seen too much for that and been left too many times, and she had known that the price of falling in love was, sometimes, getting left. It just never seemed real. Men had always come and gone, but the very few she'd ever loved, she'd never believed they would go. No matter how many times she was let down or left behind, cast aside, she couldn't help believing. She built everything on her hopes and here it all went, falling down around her ears again -- not stupid but she never learned.

Bent over, hands dangling where they crossed, hanging over her knees, her hair in her face, Serena sniffled again, breath catching audibly in her throat. For more than a year, he was there. Anything else seems beyond credibility, leaving only this tightness in her chest, this gaping loneliness. It didn't matter that Jenny was right there, that Blair would be home eventually; all she could feel was unbearably lonely. "I don't know what I do," she said, "how I -- I can't not keep going and I can't... I can't imagine what comes next. I don't know. He's supposed to be here."

[learnwhatsreal]

"He is," Jenny agreed, reaching instinctively for one of Serena's hands, just about the only sign of comfort that she could manage, and even then, she doubted it would do much. "He is supposed to, and things like this aren't supposed to happen." It wouldn't do much good to hear, she knew that, wouldn't take away the hurt of being without him, but it was true either way. For people to disappear so suddenly, without any warning, it wasn't supposed to happen. "And I'm sure he would be, if he could. It's not like he got a choice."

She'd known Beat well enough to know that he wouldn't have willingly left Serena like that. For her part, she did and always would blame herself for Dan's disappearing, but this wasn't the same, not at all. "So... try not to worry about what comes next," she continued, doubting how good her advice was even as she said it. "Just get through now."

[turnthebadinme]

Serena looked up, eyes widening a little, still hurt but clearly taking that in. She'd spent so much of her life living for now and this moment here, the one she was in, hurt like hell, but she'd made a conscious choice not to worry about this happening until it already had and she still wasn't sorry for it. Instead of getting all wrapped up in what came next or who would be the first to leave, she'd enjoyed all the time with Beat she'd been given, living in the moment rather than wasting time. It had served her well. Maybe it would get her through this, too.

"Through now," she echoed, nodding. "Okay." She sucked in a deep breath, leaning back. "Okay, just get through now, I can do that. I can do this. Okay."

[learnwhatsreal]

"You can," Jenny said again, her tone still gentle. She was sure of that, would keep repeating it as often as it needed to be heard. In the time they'd known each other, she had seen Serena get through a hell of a lot, from high school drama to other people disappearing. This might be more difficult, but there wasn't a doubt in her mind that Serena could deal with this, too, and while she did, Jenny would be there. "And no one expects you to be a pro at this or anything. There's nothing wrong with being upset."

[turnthebadinme]

Serena nodded, worrying at her lower lip until she thought she might break skin. She'd made more than a few scenes in her time, but there was a vast difference between dancing on tables and baring her heart for the whole world to see, and she'd had it deeply ingrained in her youth that the latter was what most needed avoiding. She'd given away so much of herself, but this felt too raw to put on display. "I just don't know how to live without him anymore," she admitted quietly.

She sighed and shook her head, wiping quickly at the tear tracks down her cheeks. "Thank you." She was far from done, but she needed to say it while she could think of it.

[learnwhatsreal]

"You don't need to thank me," Jenny replied easily, shaking her head. This, being here, it was the least she could do; in fact, she wished there were something more she could do for Serena, but in the absence of that, just sticking around would suffice. Admittedly, it wasn't easy for her either, knowing someone else was gone, and so soon after Pudge. Just because she'd been lucky thus far, for the most part, didn't mean it didn't hurt. "And just this right now counts for something. Even if it doesn't seem like it."

[turnthebadinme]

The trouble was less not knowing how and more not wanting to, in truth. Serena had survived far more loss than she let on, but she was so tired of it, so exhausted from holding it together every time someone got up and left. She couldn't hold it against him when she'd known he couldn't really stay, but it still hurt. She was keeping a tight rein on herself for the moment, but she knew it wouldn't last. It was just the lull before the storm.

"Yeah," she murmured, then sighed. "It really doesn't feel like it at all."

[learnwhatsreal]

"It doesn't," Jenny agreed, speaking from experience now, and not just what she thought it would help Serena to hear. She'd all but shut down when Dan disappeared, at least for a while. Now, of course, she could barely even remember that at all -- a fact which she had to kind of hate herself for -- but that sort of emptiness wasn't anything she'd let entirely slip her mind, either. "And it won't, until... it does. This is a start."

[turnthebadinme]

The hurt had dulled some already, but Serena was distantly aware that wasn't because it was gone; it was just too much to handle, too much to wrap her mind around. "I wish we had warning," she said, only barely registering her own words. "I didn't know. I mean, you never know, but... it was just a normal day." She swallowed hard, shaking her head, still not quite able to meet Jenny's eyes, for fear that any hint of sympathy in her expression might send her into tears again.

[learnwhatsreal]

"They all are." Jenny remembered far too distinctly what it had been like, standing and pacing for probably at least an hour around Dan's treehouse, waiting for him so they could hang out like they'd planned to. Things had just been getting back to normal; there wasn't supposed to be anything out of the ordinary about it. All it took was that little for things to come falling apart, and Serena shouldn't have had to deal with it. "It's too much to ask, though, for this place to do one nice thing like that."

[turnthebadinme]

"I don't know what I would have done different anyway," Serena admitted. She wouldn't have wanted to spend their last few hours panicked or hurting, but it would have been nice to make them important or memorable, to say all the things she'd thought she still had time to say. It didn't even feel real yet and it stung even so. Once it really sunk in, once she started to miss him, she didn't know how she would cope either. It was awful and a little embarrassing, keeping Jenny around when there was nothing she could do, but she wanted desperately not to be alone with these thoughts yet.

[learnwhatsreal]

"Known," Jenny said simply, mouth twisting in a rueful expression. "You would have known." And that, she knew, would have been, if not enough, then something, the chance to say things left unsaid, or to say things one last time, knowing that it would be the last time. There wasn't much she wouldn't have given for a chance like that with her brother. She sighed, gaze lifting towards the ceiling for a moment. "This place really does suck sometimes."

[turnthebadinme]

Serena nodded, the truth of that sinking in hard. She'd always done her best to see the good in the place, because it had given her reason to try and because she saw no call to struggle, to hate where she was. There were always silver linings, things to like, reasons to hope. "Yeah," she murmured, then fell silent again for half a minute before looking up, biting her lip. "Jenny... thanks."

[learnwhatsreal]

There was nothing she needed to be thanked for. Jenny couldn't make Beat come back, couldn't change the fact that he'd disappeared at all, and couldn't really do anything to make this easier besides simply being there. That being her only option, she intended to stay for as long as she was needed. If it helped at all, it was worth it. "Hey, it's the least I can do," she replied quietly, one corner of her mouth lifting a little, though it was nowhere near a smile. "And let me know if you need anything more."

[turnthebadinme]

It was also the most Jenny could do, Serena knew. Nothing was changing this. For once, all her wishing and optimism were worthless. People left. They didn't come back. Story of her life. "Yeah," she murmured, nodding. "No, I... I think I just wanna go --" She stopped, taking a breath, sorting through her thoughts, or at least the less painful ones. "Just lie down or sit or something. You shouldn't... You don't have to sit on the floor."

[learnwhatsreal]

"I don't mind," Jenny said, shrugging a little. The floor wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it wasn't anything that really mattered, not at a time like this. It wouldn't have been right to complain about something so trivial when there was something so much more serious going on. "Just do whatever'll be most comfortable, I'll figure something out. You shouldn't have to be alone here."