Accident.
One night, a long time ago, I prayed for you. At the time, I didn't even know what or who I was praying to, but nevertheless, I folded my little hands, and squinted my eyes shut. I hoped that once in awhile you thought of me. I asked whoever was listening if I looked just like you or whether we laughed the same. My tiny mind was so full of wonder and curiosity. I was so young, I didn't quite grasp why you left; I just knew that you weren't there, and that I couldn't even remember what your face looked like. I'd heard stories about you. I knew that somewhere you existed, but I just kind of thought that it was in this far away fairy tale land, where unicorns and fairies roamed free. That's where you were. I imagined you in a place where true beauty never had to hide.
Well, eventually, whoever was listening to my thoughts that one night so long ago, decided to show me what I was really missing...
And what is it that I was missing?
Nothing.
We all piled into the car that day. My parents, grandparents, and myself were on our way to find her. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to meet you too, but more then anything I wanted to meet my sibling. After my small, naive self become so excited that I almost burst, your house was in sight. I remember what it looked like. It was white, and it had a big satellite dish in the front. My dad got out of the car, walked to your front door, and a man that I didn't recognize answered the door; your new hubby I soon figured out. I watched my dad move his mouth, listen to the response, nod his head, then make his way back to the car. He informed us that neither you nor my sister were home.
The funniest part about that, is that when we backed out of the drive way, I looked through the curtain of tears that were swelling up in my eyes, and what did I see? My sister. My sister, who wasn't home, waving at me through a smeared glass window.
You've wondered all of these years why we've never been close.; why I've tried my best to erase you from my mind. Well, I suppose that it doesn't help that the first memory I can recall of you is being turned away from the new life that you lived. Not to mention 18 years of birthdays, Christmas', and every other holiday that sailed by without hardly a single phone call, card, or letter from you.
See, you're the one who abandoned me. My one-year-old self didn't high-tail it out of there away from you. Although, if I could even have begun to comprehend at the age what you really were, I probably would have tried my best to do just that.
Luckily for me, however, my life also worked its way out. Now I have two parents rather than just one. Funny, huh?
I've realized, over the years, that we're nothing alike. Am I sad about that? Not really. Not anymore. I would rather be my own person anyday than remind myself that I ever once lived and grew right underneath your beating heart. Afterall, you told the nurses to turn off the sound of my beating heart at the hospital the night that I was born. I guess we weren't as connected as one would think.
To you, I was merely an accident. An accident that a 17 going on 18-year-old girl couldn't handle and didn't want. Well, it's a good thing that sometimes accidents turn into something that you never expected.