fic - the faithful and the brave : 32 [novella]
Title: The Faithful and the Brave
Part: 32
The Faithful and the Brave
Part 32
Heero turned the small rock over and over within the palm of his hand, absently mapping its edges and curves as he counted his blessings.
The desert. Its clean night air. He inhaled, took in the calm and the quiet, exhaled. In Dorter, he had been forced to stay hidden away. He was only slightly less helpless now than he had been then, but at least the walls of his cage weren't quite so obvious anymore.
This sanctuary. This outpost, slightly off the main trade routes and safeguarded by Winners and Winner associates, in the spare scrublands where any threat might be seen approaching from a good distance, was as safe as one could expect for a man of his status. For good measure, and for the weather's sake as well, he had shed his usual garb and wore the light robe of a desert trader instead.
His friends. To the south of here, they had made contact with Quatre's sister, who seemed intent upon assuming some responsibility for Sylvia's abduction, for if she had only been there when Quatre had needed her to take Sylvia in, this would never have happened. Iria seemed equally intent upon making it up to him now, leveraging the family network to gather information from all corners of Zeklaus. Heero didn't hold her the least bit responsible for recent events and made sure she knew it, but he didn't turn down the help, either. They had ridden to the north of the desert to await word. If there was any relevant information to be had from the many caravans travelling through the vast desert, well, the gods did not love him enough to allow him to stumble across it himself. Of that, he was certain.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to appreciate and cherish those blessings for a few seconds before opening the door for his doubts and his fears and his guilt to slink in. He focused on the stone in his hand, pictured directing those negative energies into the stone, imagined the stone growing heavier as it filled. When the time came, his arm moved through the familiar arc and sent the stone travelling swiftly away from him, taking its burden with it. He felt better for the space of a few heartbeats. He sighed softly and debated finding another rock.
"You really shouldn't be able to do that so well without water," Quatre remarked quietly behind him.
Heero acknowledged his friend's presence with a moment of silence. "I've had a lot of practice."
Quatre leaned on the hitching rail that also served to mark the rough boundaries of the outpost and took the time to pick out a few familiar constellations in the night sky. "Would you like some company, or would you prefer to continue defacing my desert home?"
Heero awkwardly aborted his move toward a new rock and crossed his arms self-consciously.
"I'm sorry," Quatre apologized, sincerely but with a slight chuckle. "Was it helping?"
"Not tonight." He kept his arms crossed more tightly to resist the urge to run a hand through his hair, and looked for a distraction. "Weren't you regaling a certain dragoon with tales of your desert home?"
"Samar has taken over for a bit. There's no reason he should monopolize my attention."
"No? Quatre..." He paused to consider his words. "No one would fault you for spending more time in his company, least of all I."
"I spend exactly as much time in his company as I wish."
Heero mulled that over for a little while, drifting back to stand on his own side of the rail. He faced his friend earnestly. "I know I have been pre-occupied with my own woes for some time now, Quatre. But I have not failed to notice how you enjoy flirting with him." He smiled briefly, seeing Quatre's faint look of consternation. "I hope I have been at least that good of a friend to you through my troubled times. Good friends should be attentive to such things."
"Is that so?" Quatre rallied with airy nonchalance. "Then I have certainly noticed how much you have enjoyed Duo's company. I, for one, would certainly not fault you for spending more time with him."
"I believe we were speaking of you."
"But you are my good friend, and I am happy when you are happy."
"Come, Quatre. Your happiness ought not -- must not be contingent upon my own. I will not allow it. Duo and Trowa have joked more than once about you and Wufei as my nursemaids. Would you lend credence to their claims? You two helped me take care of myself when I was not up to the task alone. But you must not neglect to take care of yourselves as well. Now that I am clearer of mind, I will see to it myself if I have to. As you have done for me."
Quatre considered him thoughtfully for a time before breaking out into a smile. "I find myself both outraged by your presumption, and delighted that you would dare."
Heero smiled self-deprecatingly in response. "Stay caught between the two, then, and do not fight me on this. Allow me this small victory. For your own good, but also for me, yes?" It was somewhat in jest, but also somewhat not.
"Well. We shall see what happens." The words were coy and playful rather than evasive. He let Heero relax and turn to lean back against the rail before moving on. "And when shall you allow Duo to help take care of you?"
Heero favored his friend with a sidelong glance. "Quatre...."
He waved his hand dismissively. "That matter is as settled as it will get for the moment. And so. Back to you." He dropped into a less teasing tone. "Truly, Heero. You have a good deal of fondness for him. What holds you back?" When Heero refused to be forthcoming, Quatre was forced to muse on his own. "It is not class. I know you hold no disdain for commoners within you. Duty? Perhaps, once, it might have made sense for you to hold yourself in reserve, in case you were needed to benefit House Khushrenada in some fashion, but... well. You no longer need give thought to heirs. Is it... the nature of his work?"
That finally wrung a dry snort out of his friend. "I am wanted for heresy, treason, and murder," Heero felt obliged to explain. "A little thievery pales in comparison."
"We share those crimes equally," Quatre reminded him absently, thinking over the rest of his puzzle. Though he opted not to mention it at this precise moment, Sylvia had seemed to like Duo, so that was no obstacle. "He knows who you are now, and of what crimes you stand accused. You would not be with him under false pretenses. Do his intentions still trouble you? He may once have been more interested in the chase than in you yourself, but after all we have been through together, I have no doubt that is no longer the case."
He paused significantly to allow Heero the chance to respond.
In the end, he was forced to sigh dramatically. "Will you continue to keep your own counsel?"
"I will." Heero smiled indulgently. "Do not concern yourself with these matters, Quatre. See to your own affairs."
"Heero... " He drew breath, ready to chide him.
"See to your own affairs, Quatre," Duo announced cheerfully from behind them. "And I'll see to mine."
Quatre wasted a second being startled, but recovered quickly enough with a grin upon seeing the faint chagrin flash across Heero's face. "Ah. Well then. Perhaps I shall." He left the two of them with a slight bow.
Duo strolled up to take his place and slapped Heero companionably on the back. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop. But I heard Trowa's name on the wind, and, well, I got a sacred duty to see that my buddy's taken care of, right?"
Heero made a neutral sound and continued staring off into the night as if this was not an unexpected turn of events.
Duo stood beside him peaceably, letting him have a moment. "We really are joking, yanno. About the nursemaid thing. They got their sacred duty, too, right?"
Heero hmmed agreeably. Wasn't much, but Duo had known he wouldn't let the sideways apology pass without response.
"'Course, I tend to think my duty involves me helping my friend get laid, and your friends all seem to think the exact opposite."
He scored a small laugh out of Heero. "I thought you were listening to us."
"Yeah... For the record, my skills go a ways beyond 'a little thievery'. Shall I pick up where Quatre left off? I would be happy to expand upon my charms at length. Yours as well, should you so desire."
"Why should I wish to hear of my own? Dubious as they must be."
"To prove the legitimacy of my interest, if it needs proving. And it seems it does. Hmpf, 'dubious' indeed!"
"Dubious. Indeed. I have been naught but sullen and self-absorbed since the day you met me. And if you happen to favor those traits, then you will have to look elsewhere, for I have resolved to be far less those things, just as soon as I can manage it."
"Self-absorbed, true, to the point of being unable to see your charms. Now, I'll be the first to admit that it took a while for me to see them myself. You hide them well. Certainly, it was this that first caught my eye," he said, waving his hand up and down to indicate Heero's exterior. "But you had such friends. And devotion to your friends. And therein your charms were revealed. Even in the depths of your 'sullen self-absorption', you have always looked out for your friends."
"Is such a thing so charming?"
"Ah, well, 'charming' is an odd word, but certainly a solid foundation on which to build your other, more charming charms. Are you fishing for compliments, my dear?"
"Nothing of the sort. And I am quite certain I am not 'your dear'."
"A matter of time."
"So confident in your own charms, are you?"
"And why not? I'm not too hard on the eyes, am I? Ah, but I sense you want a little bit more than that in your bed warmers. Well then. I can engage your interest outside of bed as well, as evidenced in our conversation here. I can hold my own in a fight. With you or against you, I dare say. If I have completely misread you and material wealth has some attraction for you, why, just let me know. I have many, many skills to trade on by which to acquire it."
Heero snorted.
"But the true wellspring of my confidence must be... that you did not deny your fondness for me to Quatre. Even now, you do not deny my charms."
Heero's faint air of amusement faded. He looked away and was silent for a few seconds before responding. "It is a weakness of mine. Think nothing of it."
"Huh. I've been called worse. What weakness does your fondness betray?"
"...That I can hold myself back from encouraging you. But lack the strength to discourage you as I should."
It seemed inappropriate to be smug in the face of such a glum declaration. Duo pressed his lips together to keep his smile from becoming a grin and admonished himself to be regretful for spoiling the almost playful mood. "And why should you?"
Heero was silent for longer this time. It was finally with some resignation that he answered. "I consider you a friend now. And I look out for my friends." He took a breath to fortify himself before continuing. "I cannot in good conscience recommend pursuing this matter any further with one such as I. There are many concerns occupying my attention at the moment, and you, I fear, would be completely shortchanged. You deserve better than being a mere afterthought."
Duo chuckled ruefully, but hurried along to dispel the look of hurt on Heero's face. "Man, I guess I really walked into that one, eh? Look, your concerns, they're --" 'Cute' had been the first word to come to mind, but he changed course. "-- kind. And appreciated. But... I wasn't exactly expecting an epic bard-fodder romance here. And I kind of share your concerns at the moment, yanno. Not like fifty-fifty share, sure, but we've all signed on to see all this through to the end. I'm gonna be here -- huh, shortchanged or not, I dunno -- whether you give in or not. No, 'give in's not the best way to phrase that. How about, stop overthinking it? You've got a lot of things on your mind, but I don't have to be one of 'em. Standing out here all by your lonesome self throwing rocks at the desert night can't be better than you and me enjoying an intimate little chat out beneath the stars of the desert sky, free from all of your stubborn resistance."
Heero seemed a bit nonplussed by that unflattering description, but it affected him for only a few seconds. "It's not about what's good for me."
"Well, it ain't about what's good for me, either, so... This friendship cuts both ways, yanno. It's simply boorish to claim the high ground for yourself and no other. I can take care of myself. I know myself and I know what this is and I know what I want and I know what I can bear. You think I'm going to wilt just because you love your sister more than me? You think I'm going to try to tempt you out of your armor right when you need it most? Think better of me, Heero. ...Think better of yourself," he added more softly.
Heero shook his head slightly, a sad half-smile hovering around his lips. "See how difficult I am?"
As if that would stop him. "Let me be a good friend to you, too, Heero. Let me lend an ear to your sorrows. Let me sit beside you on nights like these. Let me shore up your confidence when it runs low. Let me watch your back when you need a moment. You would do the same for me. For any of us, I suppose. As all of us would for you. Though those others have their roles to fill, but I think I... am the only one to fill this one. I would keep you warm at night, both literally and figuratively."
"You tempt me." The words were scarcely more than a whisper. "Out of my armor."
Literally and figuratively, he supposed. "Armor needs to be taken off once in a while, for maintenance, for a bath, for a good night's sleep, to avoid chafing in some unholy places. I will happily play squire for you, both for the removal and the re-equipping, when comes the time to re-enter the fight."
Heero stared at him with a conflicted expression. "I... would have to think on it," he said finally, faintly.
He bit back a sharp bark of laughter. "Well, if that's the best I'm gonna get, I guess I'll take it." It was, at least, a vaguely positive response. "I'm a patient man. When the prize is worth it," he amended, simply being honest, but feeling afterward that the words could be taken as a warning.
"You have laid out your offer. I... will consider what I have to offer in exchange." He nodded stiffly and turned away. Duo was wondering whether he planned to go back inside or throw more rocks at the desert night when Heero turned back, and before he quite knew what was happening, Heero's hand was at his cheek and Heero's lips were to his own, in a kiss both chaste and intense.
Duo blinked after Heero pulled back, and managed to form a question with the furrow of his brow.
Heero himself looked a bit unsettled, but he shook it off. "A... deposit," he offered as explanation, something unsure in his tone. He repeated his stiff nod from before and beat a hasty retreat.
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Part: 32
The Faithful and the Brave
Part 32
Heero turned the small rock over and over within the palm of his hand, absently mapping its edges and curves as he counted his blessings.
The desert. Its clean night air. He inhaled, took in the calm and the quiet, exhaled. In Dorter, he had been forced to stay hidden away. He was only slightly less helpless now than he had been then, but at least the walls of his cage weren't quite so obvious anymore.
This sanctuary. This outpost, slightly off the main trade routes and safeguarded by Winners and Winner associates, in the spare scrublands where any threat might be seen approaching from a good distance, was as safe as one could expect for a man of his status. For good measure, and for the weather's sake as well, he had shed his usual garb and wore the light robe of a desert trader instead.
His friends. To the south of here, they had made contact with Quatre's sister, who seemed intent upon assuming some responsibility for Sylvia's abduction, for if she had only been there when Quatre had needed her to take Sylvia in, this would never have happened. Iria seemed equally intent upon making it up to him now, leveraging the family network to gather information from all corners of Zeklaus. Heero didn't hold her the least bit responsible for recent events and made sure she knew it, but he didn't turn down the help, either. They had ridden to the north of the desert to await word. If there was any relevant information to be had from the many caravans travelling through the vast desert, well, the gods did not love him enough to allow him to stumble across it himself. Of that, he was certain.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to appreciate and cherish those blessings for a few seconds before opening the door for his doubts and his fears and his guilt to slink in. He focused on the stone in his hand, pictured directing those negative energies into the stone, imagined the stone growing heavier as it filled. When the time came, his arm moved through the familiar arc and sent the stone travelling swiftly away from him, taking its burden with it. He felt better for the space of a few heartbeats. He sighed softly and debated finding another rock.
"You really shouldn't be able to do that so well without water," Quatre remarked quietly behind him.
Heero acknowledged his friend's presence with a moment of silence. "I've had a lot of practice."
Quatre leaned on the hitching rail that also served to mark the rough boundaries of the outpost and took the time to pick out a few familiar constellations in the night sky. "Would you like some company, or would you prefer to continue defacing my desert home?"
Heero awkwardly aborted his move toward a new rock and crossed his arms self-consciously.
"I'm sorry," Quatre apologized, sincerely but with a slight chuckle. "Was it helping?"
"Not tonight." He kept his arms crossed more tightly to resist the urge to run a hand through his hair, and looked for a distraction. "Weren't you regaling a certain dragoon with tales of your desert home?"
"Samar has taken over for a bit. There's no reason he should monopolize my attention."
"No? Quatre..." He paused to consider his words. "No one would fault you for spending more time in his company, least of all I."
"I spend exactly as much time in his company as I wish."
Heero mulled that over for a little while, drifting back to stand on his own side of the rail. He faced his friend earnestly. "I know I have been pre-occupied with my own woes for some time now, Quatre. But I have not failed to notice how you enjoy flirting with him." He smiled briefly, seeing Quatre's faint look of consternation. "I hope I have been at least that good of a friend to you through my troubled times. Good friends should be attentive to such things."
"Is that so?" Quatre rallied with airy nonchalance. "Then I have certainly noticed how much you have enjoyed Duo's company. I, for one, would certainly not fault you for spending more time with him."
"I believe we were speaking of you."
"But you are my good friend, and I am happy when you are happy."
"Come, Quatre. Your happiness ought not -- must not be contingent upon my own. I will not allow it. Duo and Trowa have joked more than once about you and Wufei as my nursemaids. Would you lend credence to their claims? You two helped me take care of myself when I was not up to the task alone. But you must not neglect to take care of yourselves as well. Now that I am clearer of mind, I will see to it myself if I have to. As you have done for me."
Quatre considered him thoughtfully for a time before breaking out into a smile. "I find myself both outraged by your presumption, and delighted that you would dare."
Heero smiled self-deprecatingly in response. "Stay caught between the two, then, and do not fight me on this. Allow me this small victory. For your own good, but also for me, yes?" It was somewhat in jest, but also somewhat not.
"Well. We shall see what happens." The words were coy and playful rather than evasive. He let Heero relax and turn to lean back against the rail before moving on. "And when shall you allow Duo to help take care of you?"
Heero favored his friend with a sidelong glance. "Quatre...."
He waved his hand dismissively. "That matter is as settled as it will get for the moment. And so. Back to you." He dropped into a less teasing tone. "Truly, Heero. You have a good deal of fondness for him. What holds you back?" When Heero refused to be forthcoming, Quatre was forced to muse on his own. "It is not class. I know you hold no disdain for commoners within you. Duty? Perhaps, once, it might have made sense for you to hold yourself in reserve, in case you were needed to benefit House Khushrenada in some fashion, but... well. You no longer need give thought to heirs. Is it... the nature of his work?"
That finally wrung a dry snort out of his friend. "I am wanted for heresy, treason, and murder," Heero felt obliged to explain. "A little thievery pales in comparison."
"We share those crimes equally," Quatre reminded him absently, thinking over the rest of his puzzle. Though he opted not to mention it at this precise moment, Sylvia had seemed to like Duo, so that was no obstacle. "He knows who you are now, and of what crimes you stand accused. You would not be with him under false pretenses. Do his intentions still trouble you? He may once have been more interested in the chase than in you yourself, but after all we have been through together, I have no doubt that is no longer the case."
He paused significantly to allow Heero the chance to respond.
In the end, he was forced to sigh dramatically. "Will you continue to keep your own counsel?"
"I will." Heero smiled indulgently. "Do not concern yourself with these matters, Quatre. See to your own affairs."
"Heero... " He drew breath, ready to chide him.
"See to your own affairs, Quatre," Duo announced cheerfully from behind them. "And I'll see to mine."
Quatre wasted a second being startled, but recovered quickly enough with a grin upon seeing the faint chagrin flash across Heero's face. "Ah. Well then. Perhaps I shall." He left the two of them with a slight bow.
Duo strolled up to take his place and slapped Heero companionably on the back. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop. But I heard Trowa's name on the wind, and, well, I got a sacred duty to see that my buddy's taken care of, right?"
Heero made a neutral sound and continued staring off into the night as if this was not an unexpected turn of events.
Duo stood beside him peaceably, letting him have a moment. "We really are joking, yanno. About the nursemaid thing. They got their sacred duty, too, right?"
Heero hmmed agreeably. Wasn't much, but Duo had known he wouldn't let the sideways apology pass without response.
"'Course, I tend to think my duty involves me helping my friend get laid, and your friends all seem to think the exact opposite."
He scored a small laugh out of Heero. "I thought you were listening to us."
"Yeah... For the record, my skills go a ways beyond 'a little thievery'. Shall I pick up where Quatre left off? I would be happy to expand upon my charms at length. Yours as well, should you so desire."
"Why should I wish to hear of my own? Dubious as they must be."
"To prove the legitimacy of my interest, if it needs proving. And it seems it does. Hmpf, 'dubious' indeed!"
"Dubious. Indeed. I have been naught but sullen and self-absorbed since the day you met me. And if you happen to favor those traits, then you will have to look elsewhere, for I have resolved to be far less those things, just as soon as I can manage it."
"Self-absorbed, true, to the point of being unable to see your charms. Now, I'll be the first to admit that it took a while for me to see them myself. You hide them well. Certainly, it was this that first caught my eye," he said, waving his hand up and down to indicate Heero's exterior. "But you had such friends. And devotion to your friends. And therein your charms were revealed. Even in the depths of your 'sullen self-absorption', you have always looked out for your friends."
"Is such a thing so charming?"
"Ah, well, 'charming' is an odd word, but certainly a solid foundation on which to build your other, more charming charms. Are you fishing for compliments, my dear?"
"Nothing of the sort. And I am quite certain I am not 'your dear'."
"A matter of time."
"So confident in your own charms, are you?"
"And why not? I'm not too hard on the eyes, am I? Ah, but I sense you want a little bit more than that in your bed warmers. Well then. I can engage your interest outside of bed as well, as evidenced in our conversation here. I can hold my own in a fight. With you or against you, I dare say. If I have completely misread you and material wealth has some attraction for you, why, just let me know. I have many, many skills to trade on by which to acquire it."
Heero snorted.
"But the true wellspring of my confidence must be... that you did not deny your fondness for me to Quatre. Even now, you do not deny my charms."
Heero's faint air of amusement faded. He looked away and was silent for a few seconds before responding. "It is a weakness of mine. Think nothing of it."
"Huh. I've been called worse. What weakness does your fondness betray?"
"...That I can hold myself back from encouraging you. But lack the strength to discourage you as I should."
It seemed inappropriate to be smug in the face of such a glum declaration. Duo pressed his lips together to keep his smile from becoming a grin and admonished himself to be regretful for spoiling the almost playful mood. "And why should you?"
Heero was silent for longer this time. It was finally with some resignation that he answered. "I consider you a friend now. And I look out for my friends." He took a breath to fortify himself before continuing. "I cannot in good conscience recommend pursuing this matter any further with one such as I. There are many concerns occupying my attention at the moment, and you, I fear, would be completely shortchanged. You deserve better than being a mere afterthought."
Duo chuckled ruefully, but hurried along to dispel the look of hurt on Heero's face. "Man, I guess I really walked into that one, eh? Look, your concerns, they're --" 'Cute' had been the first word to come to mind, but he changed course. "-- kind. And appreciated. But... I wasn't exactly expecting an epic bard-fodder romance here. And I kind of share your concerns at the moment, yanno. Not like fifty-fifty share, sure, but we've all signed on to see all this through to the end. I'm gonna be here -- huh, shortchanged or not, I dunno -- whether you give in or not. No, 'give in's not the best way to phrase that. How about, stop overthinking it? You've got a lot of things on your mind, but I don't have to be one of 'em. Standing out here all by your lonesome self throwing rocks at the desert night can't be better than you and me enjoying an intimate little chat out beneath the stars of the desert sky, free from all of your stubborn resistance."
Heero seemed a bit nonplussed by that unflattering description, but it affected him for only a few seconds. "It's not about what's good for me."
"Well, it ain't about what's good for me, either, so... This friendship cuts both ways, yanno. It's simply boorish to claim the high ground for yourself and no other. I can take care of myself. I know myself and I know what this is and I know what I want and I know what I can bear. You think I'm going to wilt just because you love your sister more than me? You think I'm going to try to tempt you out of your armor right when you need it most? Think better of me, Heero. ...Think better of yourself," he added more softly.
Heero shook his head slightly, a sad half-smile hovering around his lips. "See how difficult I am?"
As if that would stop him. "Let me be a good friend to you, too, Heero. Let me lend an ear to your sorrows. Let me sit beside you on nights like these. Let me shore up your confidence when it runs low. Let me watch your back when you need a moment. You would do the same for me. For any of us, I suppose. As all of us would for you. Though those others have their roles to fill, but I think I... am the only one to fill this one. I would keep you warm at night, both literally and figuratively."
"You tempt me." The words were scarcely more than a whisper. "Out of my armor."
Literally and figuratively, he supposed. "Armor needs to be taken off once in a while, for maintenance, for a bath, for a good night's sleep, to avoid chafing in some unholy places. I will happily play squire for you, both for the removal and the re-equipping, when comes the time to re-enter the fight."
Heero stared at him with a conflicted expression. "I... would have to think on it," he said finally, faintly.
He bit back a sharp bark of laughter. "Well, if that's the best I'm gonna get, I guess I'll take it." It was, at least, a vaguely positive response. "I'm a patient man. When the prize is worth it," he amended, simply being honest, but feeling afterward that the words could be taken as a warning.
"You have laid out your offer. I... will consider what I have to offer in exchange." He nodded stiffly and turned away. Duo was wondering whether he planned to go back inside or throw more rocks at the desert night when Heero turned back, and before he quite knew what was happening, Heero's hand was at his cheek and Heero's lips were to his own, in a kiss both chaste and intense.
Duo blinked after Heero pulled back, and managed to form a question with the furrow of his brow.
Heero himself looked a bit unsettled, but he shook it off. "A... deposit," he offered as explanation, something unsure in his tone. He repeated his stiff nod from before and beat a hasty retreat.
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