If she likes girls and you're a boy, she wont like you. BUT I DO.
I'm going to start a new lucrative business in which I provide the services of a girlfriend stand-in. I figure I do this often enough that I might as well get paid for it. I do the following:
* Go on outings with you to do things you can't do with your bros, i.e. lunches, fancy dinners, mini golf, Disney world, looking at Christmas lights, etc.
* Pump up your nonexistent self-esteem. (I get it... break ups are hard.)
* Protect you from flailing bimbos when we go to bars, however I will only do this if you request a cock block. Otherwise, catch an STD. I'm not your girlfriend. I don't care.
* Spend nights at home with you. This can be any number of things, from cooking dinner together and renting movies to watching football and curling up on the couch. (This is typically the most popular activity)
* Develop legitimate feelings for you so your faith in yourself as someone that can be loved is restored.
Once you've been built back up, you'll meet a girl and start dating her. That is when our contract ends... until you guys break up, at which point I'll be back to number 1.
Its a cycle and its killing me... So can I at least get $10.00 an hour or something?
* Go on outings with you to do things you can't do with your bros, i.e. lunches, fancy dinners, mini golf, Disney world, looking at Christmas lights, etc.
* Pump up your nonexistent self-esteem. (I get it... break ups are hard.)
* Protect you from flailing bimbos when we go to bars, however I will only do this if you request a cock block. Otherwise, catch an STD. I'm not your girlfriend. I don't care.
* Spend nights at home with you. This can be any number of things, from cooking dinner together and renting movies to watching football and curling up on the couch. (This is typically the most popular activity)
* Develop legitimate feelings for you so your faith in yourself as someone that can be loved is restored.
Once you've been built back up, you'll meet a girl and start dating her. That is when our contract ends... until you guys break up, at which point I'll be back to number 1.
Its a cycle and its killing me... So can I at least get $10.00 an hour or something?