live like it's the style
totally applied for a part time job as some crazy lady's assistant today on craigslist. IF she calls me, i hope it's not a set up where some middle-aged dude kills me and takes nude photos of himself in only fishnets over my dead body. fingers crossed!
mila is walking, like crazy. she's so fricking adorable. she gets excited and does this hyperactive frankenstein walk that's the closest thing she can muster up for a run. so cute. it's so crazy how she's here now, and it's permanent and it's never going to end. two words i will never get tired of hearing (and possibly becoming my favorite): my daughter. a little narcissistic i know, but i can't help it. from my cranky, bitchy, hormone-riddled vagina spewed forth the cutest baby alive. in my opinion. i'm even thinking she might skip the awkward phase that i dwelled in for about 18 years, give or take. enough gushing.
so this dude in my apartment complex is a complete bastard and wrote this ridiculous review on one of those rent.com or apartment.com web sites. it was ridiculous. i honestly think he was expecting the staff here to wipe his butt hourly and/or mow his pubes. how lame are you that you can't approach the staff about it, but you have to hide behind a computer and email the manager and then write that filth. anyway, zach and i read this, so i was feeling a bit feisty and responded to his post. his complaints were mostly about parking (which hello bitch get a garage like everyone else) and the maintenance staff. he swears that this one kid who works here was giving him the evil eye. i know the kid and he is just one awkward, googley eyed motherfucker. and super shy!
so i write this response along the lines of "i know the parking is ridiculous because in the winter some a-hole (with his specific vehicle) continued to park in front of my garage, making navigating my car in and out of that thing like navigating the moon landing...from HOUSTON! and i also wrote about how some a-hole (him, again) leaves their dog on their porch while they are at work (TRUE STORY) and so all of the people get to listen to the poor thing wail in the heat for some water or a bullet. which is awesome because one quality i always look for in residence is the sound of michael vick partying nearby.
anyway i might have continued on to write something about how someone should put the dog out of its misery and the owner. or how maybe he would just off himself when he came home to a dehydration-baby-in-a-car dog on his porch. hilarious stuff, i mean real top notch. spot on! (no pun intended) but zach didn't think it was too funny so i had to delete it. but now i see this guy freaking everywhere and zach swears that if the guy read it he would know it was me. so i've taken to glaring at him and muttering incomprehensible things under my breath like "samnofuvafrackingbritch" just within ear range. he keeps his head down and mila and i have a good laugh about it. it couldn't be because she laughs when she hears other people laughing though, could it?
gosh, i hope i don't corrupt her. she's so cool and i'm so bitter. i think zach is the balance. he has a much bigger heart than me. i'm the worst hippie ever. i want to embrace peace and love and recycling but everyone around me just pisses me off. i'm hoping it's the midwest because i didn't feel like this in washington or vegas. seriously though, he's met all of our neighbors and he always waves to everyone when we drive through the complex. me, i keep my sunglasses on and pretend like i don't see people waving. or i keep my windows rolled up and blast music (when mila isn't in the car) so i can't hear people saying hello. i take my cues from posh spice and keep my head down and my mouth shut.
i guess one thing is certain out here. life is entertaining, even though i don't feel like i'm participating in it.
mila is walking, like crazy. she's so fricking adorable. she gets excited and does this hyperactive frankenstein walk that's the closest thing she can muster up for a run. so cute. it's so crazy how she's here now, and it's permanent and it's never going to end. two words i will never get tired of hearing (and possibly becoming my favorite): my daughter. a little narcissistic i know, but i can't help it. from my cranky, bitchy, hormone-riddled vagina spewed forth the cutest baby alive. in my opinion. i'm even thinking she might skip the awkward phase that i dwelled in for about 18 years, give or take. enough gushing.
so this dude in my apartment complex is a complete bastard and wrote this ridiculous review on one of those rent.com or apartment.com web sites. it was ridiculous. i honestly think he was expecting the staff here to wipe his butt hourly and/or mow his pubes. how lame are you that you can't approach the staff about it, but you have to hide behind a computer and email the manager and then write that filth. anyway, zach and i read this, so i was feeling a bit feisty and responded to his post. his complaints were mostly about parking (which hello bitch get a garage like everyone else) and the maintenance staff. he swears that this one kid who works here was giving him the evil eye. i know the kid and he is just one awkward, googley eyed motherfucker. and super shy!
so i write this response along the lines of "i know the parking is ridiculous because in the winter some a-hole (with his specific vehicle) continued to park in front of my garage, making navigating my car in and out of that thing like navigating the moon landing...from HOUSTON! and i also wrote about how some a-hole (him, again) leaves their dog on their porch while they are at work (TRUE STORY) and so all of the people get to listen to the poor thing wail in the heat for some water or a bullet. which is awesome because one quality i always look for in residence is the sound of michael vick partying nearby.
anyway i might have continued on to write something about how someone should put the dog out of its misery and the owner. or how maybe he would just off himself when he came home to a dehydration-baby-in-a-car dog on his porch. hilarious stuff, i mean real top notch. spot on! (no pun intended) but zach didn't think it was too funny so i had to delete it. but now i see this guy freaking everywhere and zach swears that if the guy read it he would know it was me. so i've taken to glaring at him and muttering incomprehensible things under my breath like "samnofuvafrackingbritch" just within ear range. he keeps his head down and mila and i have a good laugh about it. it couldn't be because she laughs when she hears other people laughing though, could it?
gosh, i hope i don't corrupt her. she's so cool and i'm so bitter. i think zach is the balance. he has a much bigger heart than me. i'm the worst hippie ever. i want to embrace peace and love and recycling but everyone around me just pisses me off. i'm hoping it's the midwest because i didn't feel like this in washington or vegas. seriously though, he's met all of our neighbors and he always waves to everyone when we drive through the complex. me, i keep my sunglasses on and pretend like i don't see people waving. or i keep my windows rolled up and blast music (when mila isn't in the car) so i can't hear people saying hello. i take my cues from posh spice and keep my head down and my mouth shut.
i guess one thing is certain out here. life is entertaining, even though i don't feel like i'm participating in it.