I'm in need of something different in my life
well i broke up with Ryan last Wednesday. I kept count this time, he went 5 days without calling, stopping by, or even something as simple as a text message. So, when he finally called i was over it. I have better things to do with my time than to sit around wondering where in the hell my boyfriend is. So, whatever, on to the next guy. I wasn't that comfortable with ryan anyways. He's nice and cute and all, but I just didn't feel like myself around him. It was actually more of a sigh of relief when it ended. One less stressor in my life cause god knows i have enough shit to deal with right now. Speaking of which, my brother finally got his court date. It's July 7th, unless they move it again. I'm really nervous about it all. I try not to think about it much cause every time I think about my brother possibly going to prison, my stomach just turns and i get nauseated. The whole thought of him not being there one day makes me so fucking sick to my stomach. But on another note, I'm going to gay pride this weekend. It's gonna be so fucking fun. Friday night we are having a huge sleep over at Nikki's so we can all wake up early and go. So far i think Craig, Dana, me, Nikki, Meagan, Jon, and Maria will all be there. Then after pride we are all going to Rocky where I have been eyeing a little cutie. This guy is fucking hot and at the last rocky i had a few too many drinks and maria told him to mess with me so he came up and bit my neck and then sucked on my neck. Left a nice hickey but I thought it was fun. he asked me if I was going to be at the next rocky so he must be at least a little bit interested. Maria said she'd help me hook it up. God Ryan just called me, he's trying to do this whole i wanna still be friends thing. now he's on his way over here. I really don't want to hang out with him but i'm too nice to tell him to fuck off. Don't get me wrong he's a good guy, but it's awkward hanging out with your ex when you just broke up with them a week ago. i'm gonna need beer to handle this. lol Grrr I need a serious boyfriend in my life for once. I've only had one serious boyfriend ever and he was going nowhere in life. I just want a real relationship so i can get laid already. i wish i was ignorant enough to just give it up to anyone, but i'm not and it sucks. Do you guys have any idea what it's like to be a 21 year old virgin. I'm afraid my shit's gonna dry up and turn to dust. Eh oh well what are you gonna do? So on to another subject. I recently made a new song called world renowned. It kicks serious ass. It's really raw and has gotten a lot of good reviews. it reached #97 on the soundclick.com charts which is good considering it was 97 out of thousands. If anyone wants to check it out go to http://www.soundclick.com/xnadacleux and then click on the music link. My other good song "paparazzi" is on there too. I'm still waiting for that phone call from the record labels. Dave is gonna help me set up a studio in my apartment too. That way I don't have to drive all the way to Castleton every weekend to record my shit. Now i'll actually be able to get my cd finished. He said he can get me everything i need for about $300 bucks. I'm so excited. Who needs a boyfriend when I'm gonna be famous. Well check out my songs and hit me up, give a girl a little feedback. Peace