now barely a memory and [An Erasure]

[turkeyish]

Title: now barely a memory and
Original text(s) erased: Ecned If Nocfles & The Last Wyvern
Erased by: turkeyish
Original text by: Lasayla
Fandom (of original text): Harry Potter

Comments

[zempasuchil]

The contrast between this and the original fics is incredible. I wouldn't have guessed; you did a really good job of creating a totally new atmosphere, especially with the Eloise Midgen one.

the first part didn't grab me as much as the rest did, but the fire imagery in there is good. everybody feels that way when they’re young and a vague sense of pride / despite being mostly charcoal are GREAT lines, and combined they create this weird effect. It's like, she's been burned awfully, yeah. She's dealing with it. Either it's a part of her or she's letting it slide off, but after the original sensation it's sort of like Yeah Yeah I can do this.

a hesitant little trill of the fingers is awesome description. This is really an amazing portrait, and I love how the story *moves* with the increased cold hands, the fire that stays but the remains and fuel that keep piling up.

her face
black all down one side
writing around the edge
WOW. COOL. And creepy, awesomely creepy. I agree with hungrytiger11, this part totally makes me think of diary!Ginny. In fact before I read the original fics, that was the character I got a picture of. I'm not sure why. Her mother talks to her at the beginning, and Molly Weasley is the mother of the series. She is also such a fighter in here too.

tore
faint heart
from
fair throat
This is a gorgeous snippet. And so creepy. Following it with without even burning her fingers a little makes it seem as though she's succumbed to this fire thing - that or she's not letting it get her? Like a turning to the darkness, which is an excellent callback to the Fable. You've mixed those fics together in here, haven't you? You did a really good job with that, it seems like that'd be really hard to do.

I really like this! Great, great imagery, and tone, beautiful stuff, and dude awesome concept.