like anyone cares about what's on my mind
i feel delerious.
i just got in from babysitting.
it's 2:20. i'm tired and slightly frustrated with life, for no real reason. there is a big part of me that can't freaking wait to see phillip. like, it's killing me! i'm going to be so happy to jump into his arms at the airport. to cover his cute face in little kisses. i've missed him so much. and, i think that all my confusion and frustration was definitely due to separation. but, i suppose i cannot make that call until we're together and functioning as a a unit again. though, as soon as i get used to that, it will be ripped away. life is crap sometimes. but, what can you do.
its so weird, how many people there really are out there. in the world. i mean, phillip lives in london. and i live in new york city. i mean, what were the odds we'd meet eachother. and, if two people on two different continents can be so compatible ... then, there are probably tons of people on this contenent and even in the general area who are compatible with me. maybe... or is that wishfully thinking too big? i don't know. it's too much to ponder.
i babysat little miss cleo tonight. who i've babysat since she was two and she is now 7. i was her nanny from 2-5. she's a bratt now, but beautiful and smart. she sculpts, plays chess, guitar, paints and writes. yes, i did say she's seven. her parents are so amazing as well. not just because they paid me an extra 25 dollars tonight, just because i 'gave up my saturday evening to sit for cleo.' really, i hung out with cleo for 25 minutes, put her to bed then finished my book and watched tv for the next 4 hours. but, still. they've taken such amazing care of me since i've lived in nyc. they've been my parents away from home. i mean, on 9-11, i went right to their place first. and, i don't know. they're so cute because they are DYING to meet phillip.
so is my professor. well, i shouldn't call her professor behrens anymore, but i do. we have lunch from time to time and email regularly. she's brilliant. a linguist. published. PhD from brown. studdied all over the world. etc. anyway, she emailed me when i told her he was coming here and was like, 'i'm sure you have a lot to do while he's here, but i would love to meet him.'
i have so many people in ny who care about me. i forget that all too often. i lose sight of so many things all too often.
i'm still nervous that i'm not going to have any money when phillip is here. whenever he visits we eat at tons of restaurants. go out drinking, etc. but - this time everything is going to have to be done on a tight budget. as i am undeniably, poor.
the man on the subway car i got on smelled in a terrible terrible way. and, i sat down right next to him. and, i was at 68th street, heading to 14th street. but, i felt too bad getting up and changing seats or trains. i felt it would have been pretty obvious, what i was doing. and i just didn't want to insult him. so, i spent the whole ride nearly gagging and feeling sick. i mean, it's new york and many people stink, but this was unbareably. and i'm just an idiot for not being able to move. right? ok, i should shut up now, huh...
ok. it's nearly 2:30. to my bed i go.
tomorrow, a lot of laundry and cleaning. maybe some food shopping (tightly budgeted), too.
regards,
k
i just got in from babysitting.
it's 2:20. i'm tired and slightly frustrated with life, for no real reason. there is a big part of me that can't freaking wait to see phillip. like, it's killing me! i'm going to be so happy to jump into his arms at the airport. to cover his cute face in little kisses. i've missed him so much. and, i think that all my confusion and frustration was definitely due to separation. but, i suppose i cannot make that call until we're together and functioning as a a unit again. though, as soon as i get used to that, it will be ripped away. life is crap sometimes. but, what can you do.
its so weird, how many people there really are out there. in the world. i mean, phillip lives in london. and i live in new york city. i mean, what were the odds we'd meet eachother. and, if two people on two different continents can be so compatible ... then, there are probably tons of people on this contenent and even in the general area who are compatible with me. maybe... or is that wishfully thinking too big? i don't know. it's too much to ponder.
i babysat little miss cleo tonight. who i've babysat since she was two and she is now 7. i was her nanny from 2-5. she's a bratt now, but beautiful and smart. she sculpts, plays chess, guitar, paints and writes. yes, i did say she's seven. her parents are so amazing as well. not just because they paid me an extra 25 dollars tonight, just because i 'gave up my saturday evening to sit for cleo.' really, i hung out with cleo for 25 minutes, put her to bed then finished my book and watched tv for the next 4 hours. but, still. they've taken such amazing care of me since i've lived in nyc. they've been my parents away from home. i mean, on 9-11, i went right to their place first. and, i don't know. they're so cute because they are DYING to meet phillip.
so is my professor. well, i shouldn't call her professor behrens anymore, but i do. we have lunch from time to time and email regularly. she's brilliant. a linguist. published. PhD from brown. studdied all over the world. etc. anyway, she emailed me when i told her he was coming here and was like, 'i'm sure you have a lot to do while he's here, but i would love to meet him.'
i have so many people in ny who care about me. i forget that all too often. i lose sight of so many things all too often.
i'm still nervous that i'm not going to have any money when phillip is here. whenever he visits we eat at tons of restaurants. go out drinking, etc. but - this time everything is going to have to be done on a tight budget. as i am undeniably, poor.
the man on the subway car i got on smelled in a terrible terrible way. and, i sat down right next to him. and, i was at 68th street, heading to 14th street. but, i felt too bad getting up and changing seats or trains. i felt it would have been pretty obvious, what i was doing. and i just didn't want to insult him. so, i spent the whole ride nearly gagging and feeling sick. i mean, it's new york and many people stink, but this was unbareably. and i'm just an idiot for not being able to move. right? ok, i should shut up now, huh...
ok. it's nearly 2:30. to my bed i go.
tomorrow, a lot of laundry and cleaning. maybe some food shopping (tightly budgeted), too.
regards,
k