Hooray for not forgetting.
Its a bit late, but I'm going to post anyway. I said I would, and for once, I am. Also, being in the mood to put my thoughts out there after a relatively productive day, helps.
M has True Blood season 2 on...we've been getting excited about Dragon Con in Atlanta, which is in two weeks. Lafayette, Pam and Sam will be appearing. Lafayette is my favorite character and I'm trying very hard not to beg someone to buy me the Lafayette women's tee from HBO so I can wear it when I meet him. :D Hoping for a photo op at the least.
Speaking of the Con, we're all set to go. All lodging and transportation fees are paid for. We're leaving at 6:30PM on the 1st, and leaving Atlanta at 3:30PM on the 8th. Schedule isn't likely to be known until we register on Thursday, but I'm absolutely doing some things, for certain.
Meeting:
Kevin Sorbo
Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette)
John deLancie
Jonathan Frakes
Sam Trammel (Sam on True Blood)
Kristin Bauer (Pam on True Blood)
The costuming panels
Masquerade Ball
Concerts for Ego Likeness and Cruxshadows
And a ton of other people and events. :)
Plus, we'll be meeting friends there again, so even when nothing's going on, fun will be. :D
My birthday is in 5 days. No party planned (no friends nearby really), and no money to really go anywhere. Mom bought me a nice chunk of Larimar that I can make into a pendant, but poor M is feeling badly that he really doesn't have the money to buy me anything "good". I have plenty of things in a low price range on my mental list, but he's so weird about things sometimes. I wish we had somewhere to go, friends to meet up with, a nice little get together in my yard or someone else's. Music, barbeque, laughs and good times. The year before we moved back to Jersey, we had a party for my birthday at the in-law's house. One of my friends that I hadn't seen in YEARS even made the trip up from NYC. It was a damned good time, complete with good food, music, a small skirmish with some wasps and a fireball from the grill. :P Good times. Two of the people who were there have since stopped speaking to me. I wish I had pics. I'm usually really good about taking pics...but this time I didn't.
On the acupuncture front, things have been going well, and I've decided to decrease my sessions to every other week. We'll see how it goes. My acupuncturist thinks I can handle it. I've come to realize just how much it costs, and how much money I could have been saving these last four years. I really had no idea. It sounds stupid, but numbers are not my friends, and money just never adds up in my head. I'm not good at saving. I'm very angry at myself about it, because I could have a decent down payment on a house by now if I had saved. So, now I have $80 for the Con at least. I wish I could continue to go every day, I really do enjoy it. I hope to God everything continues to feel right with my stress levels and hormones.
Speaking of THOSE, my damned thyroid is making me angry too. I find myself wondering how long it's been low. Since I was a teenager? My 20s? Just the last four years? Did the crazy stress from being in MA for 7 years make it worse? Answers I'll never have.
I'll just keep getting slowly worse. More and more forgetful. More and more tired, despite sleeping. More and more weight gain, despite eating well and exercising. More and more hair loss. More and more moody. Don't get me wrong...I'm not going to roll over and watch it all happen. I just know it will eventually and it makes me angry. BUT, I will continue to do the right things and hope, just maybe, it doesn't get worse for a long, long time.
I've always been quick to anger. Its just that lately its worse. The acupuncture helped IMMENSELY. Calmer, so I am back to my good old evil plotting, as opposed to just berserk head-bashing. ;) Interspersed with this, and far more often than I would like, is a horrible melancholy and unhappiness. My boss was giving me crap about my car not working the other day, nothing mean, but he said something that reminded me about our intolerable financial situation and then I cried! CRIED! I don't cry in front of people. Ever. M has only seen me cry twice in our 8 years together. The last time I really cried in front of someone was when my then-BF's mom died in 1998. The guy I cried in front of? He LAUGHED at me. Not on purpose...he genuinely found my distress amusing. It was an entirely spontaneous laugh...and I will never forget it...or chance it happening again. Not if I can help it.
Stressed? Nah...
Anyway, the point is I'm far more moody than I ever was. And the anger I can handle, usually, but the melancholy is entirely opposite of my usual character and it makes me angry when I'm not too depressed to get there.
It doesn't help at all that this country seems to have its head firmly up its ass with no real hope for the future other than "Dear God I hope we're still here!" Or that with this stupid thyroid bullshit, having children is harder than it would already be, since I'm in my 30s. OR, that I desperately want my own damned house and have ZERO money.
Or...that the reason I lack money is my own fault...and goes clear back to not finishing college. Who the fuck would have known that Interior Designers would be designing on TV and such?
(On a lighter note, at least I was right about the economy taking a dive)
So here you see a prime example of the moody thing. I tend to dwell on the bad things when I used to find a way to work around them or fix them.
If I could just get in for a job interview...
Alright...that's enough. I'm tired and can't think of anything else to add right now. Wait, I lied.
I have three boutonnieres that need finishing touches, but are otherwise done. I have two bouquets (did the bride's today) in the same condition. Crowns are half-finished. Corsages are awaiting more silk flowers. Pictures will come when pieces are finished.
Still need to buy shoes to wear with my dress, damnit.
To end on a good note...M bought me a nice black and white striped, button-down shirt that I love. I might wear it to the second wedding we're attending. :D
Now...for real, bedtime.
M has True Blood season 2 on...we've been getting excited about Dragon Con in Atlanta, which is in two weeks. Lafayette, Pam and Sam will be appearing. Lafayette is my favorite character and I'm trying very hard not to beg someone to buy me the Lafayette women's tee from HBO so I can wear it when I meet him. :D Hoping for a photo op at the least.
Speaking of the Con, we're all set to go. All lodging and transportation fees are paid for. We're leaving at 6:30PM on the 1st, and leaving Atlanta at 3:30PM on the 8th. Schedule isn't likely to be known until we register on Thursday, but I'm absolutely doing some things, for certain.
Meeting:
Kevin Sorbo
Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette)
John deLancie
Jonathan Frakes
Sam Trammel (Sam on True Blood)
Kristin Bauer (Pam on True Blood)
The costuming panels
Masquerade Ball
Concerts for Ego Likeness and Cruxshadows
And a ton of other people and events. :)
Plus, we'll be meeting friends there again, so even when nothing's going on, fun will be. :D
My birthday is in 5 days. No party planned (no friends nearby really), and no money to really go anywhere. Mom bought me a nice chunk of Larimar that I can make into a pendant, but poor M is feeling badly that he really doesn't have the money to buy me anything "good". I have plenty of things in a low price range on my mental list, but he's so weird about things sometimes. I wish we had somewhere to go, friends to meet up with, a nice little get together in my yard or someone else's. Music, barbeque, laughs and good times. The year before we moved back to Jersey, we had a party for my birthday at the in-law's house. One of my friends that I hadn't seen in YEARS even made the trip up from NYC. It was a damned good time, complete with good food, music, a small skirmish with some wasps and a fireball from the grill. :P Good times. Two of the people who were there have since stopped speaking to me. I wish I had pics. I'm usually really good about taking pics...but this time I didn't.
On the acupuncture front, things have been going well, and I've decided to decrease my sessions to every other week. We'll see how it goes. My acupuncturist thinks I can handle it. I've come to realize just how much it costs, and how much money I could have been saving these last four years. I really had no idea. It sounds stupid, but numbers are not my friends, and money just never adds up in my head. I'm not good at saving. I'm very angry at myself about it, because I could have a decent down payment on a house by now if I had saved. So, now I have $80 for the Con at least. I wish I could continue to go every day, I really do enjoy it. I hope to God everything continues to feel right with my stress levels and hormones.
Speaking of THOSE, my damned thyroid is making me angry too. I find myself wondering how long it's been low. Since I was a teenager? My 20s? Just the last four years? Did the crazy stress from being in MA for 7 years make it worse? Answers I'll never have.
I'll just keep getting slowly worse. More and more forgetful. More and more tired, despite sleeping. More and more weight gain, despite eating well and exercising. More and more hair loss. More and more moody. Don't get me wrong...I'm not going to roll over and watch it all happen. I just know it will eventually and it makes me angry. BUT, I will continue to do the right things and hope, just maybe, it doesn't get worse for a long, long time.
I've always been quick to anger. Its just that lately its worse. The acupuncture helped IMMENSELY. Calmer, so I am back to my good old evil plotting, as opposed to just berserk head-bashing. ;) Interspersed with this, and far more often than I would like, is a horrible melancholy and unhappiness. My boss was giving me crap about my car not working the other day, nothing mean, but he said something that reminded me about our intolerable financial situation and then I cried! CRIED! I don't cry in front of people. Ever. M has only seen me cry twice in our 8 years together. The last time I really cried in front of someone was when my then-BF's mom died in 1998. The guy I cried in front of? He LAUGHED at me. Not on purpose...he genuinely found my distress amusing. It was an entirely spontaneous laugh...and I will never forget it...or chance it happening again. Not if I can help it.
Stressed? Nah...
Anyway, the point is I'm far more moody than I ever was. And the anger I can handle, usually, but the melancholy is entirely opposite of my usual character and it makes me angry when I'm not too depressed to get there.
It doesn't help at all that this country seems to have its head firmly up its ass with no real hope for the future other than "Dear God I hope we're still here!" Or that with this stupid thyroid bullshit, having children is harder than it would already be, since I'm in my 30s. OR, that I desperately want my own damned house and have ZERO money.
Or...that the reason I lack money is my own fault...and goes clear back to not finishing college. Who the fuck would have known that Interior Designers would be designing on TV and such?
(On a lighter note, at least I was right about the economy taking a dive)
So here you see a prime example of the moody thing. I tend to dwell on the bad things when I used to find a way to work around them or fix them.
If I could just get in for a job interview...
Alright...that's enough. I'm tired and can't think of anything else to add right now. Wait, I lied.
I have three boutonnieres that need finishing touches, but are otherwise done. I have two bouquets (did the bride's today) in the same condition. Crowns are half-finished. Corsages are awaiting more silk flowers. Pictures will come when pieces are finished.
Still need to buy shoes to wear with my dress, damnit.
To end on a good note...M bought me a nice black and white striped, button-down shirt that I love. I might wear it to the second wedding we're attending. :D
Now...for real, bedtime.