Book ideas: the Ending, perhaps..
I've tread a circle nearly _______ miles long. Only now am I ready to meditate...Really? Such a fool ~ a truly wise person would have started years ago. But I had to know..I had to try my very hardest to be a peacock when my nature is that of a snail, gently plodding along, sampling this and that along the way and retreating every now and again into itself as is its nature.
The Sacred is visible again. The air is crisper and the sound of the gentle rhythm of the oceans thrums gently, insistently in my ears. I take off my hood and the wind kisses my cheek in answer. The smell of the ocean always evokes peace and memories in me for some reason. Maybe not just me; the ocean always has a romantic quality all humans identify with, I think. Musing..I'd tried to break forth from my shell and evolve, imagining myself to be some sort of caterpillar in need of an external shot of life experience to finally metamorphose and dazzle the world with my brilliance. So Texas! And New Zealand! And then Texas again! And then China! And then New Zealand again! And then MORE China! And then America! Yes! YES!! That...That...THING!!! That will fix it all...That will make me into the man I know I can be is just around the corner, if I can just...Break free...Of this limiting SHELL. These burdens of the past...How I hate my father..How I hate the mockery...How I hate religions...How I hate...Anger...Bonds...Chaining my spirit!
Please...
I've grown. I find I've only grown into the man I always was. The circle looped back onto itself and the circuit's just about blown my mind sky-high ~ I haven't dashed an exoskeleton, but rather grown into my shell. Because I've tested, struck and twisted my shell every which way to try and be free of it, like a dog chasing it's own tail, barking miserably, cursing it and the world for having given it a tail to hang droopily low and _____. When it was given a tail for a very good reason. When I was given this shell for a very good reason ~ so when I do poke my head out of it, I CAN dazzle the world with my brilliance. And then retreat into my inner space; a place of wonder, light and infinite in magnitude. Imagine such a blessing! It's only a dark hell if I pretend I need to shatter my cage. Cage? Who says it's a cage other than you? No one can perceive its boundaries, not even you, so how can limitless depths be a cage? You hold the door through your own will; fear and conditioning demand you prop it open or jam it shut. But wisdom and compassion, for yourself and for others, stand ready to take the helm.
I've tread a circle seven years long chasing my own tail, demanding it walk away on its own. Finally, I've accepted that I was meant to have this tail, this shell, and while sometimes I think "well it's not a very nice shell. It's kind of slippery and hard to grasp ~ why is it no one ELSE seems stuck with this heavy shell..? I try and step outside of mine and I just feel naked and have to rush back inside! And no one will stop and gently rap on it and see if I'm willing to play!...I'm just shy...Weird...Awkward." And suddenly, Quiet. The crowds are gone. The Mind is stilled. And Presence envelops me like a blanket and everything holds wonder and I remember why I have a shell and how thankful I am for it.
Now that I have embraced it, I can grow into my shell. After treading a circle seven years long, I am ready to begin meditating. Starting with the breath.