Alphasmart 3000 - Room 7 (#2) - Car Backup (02/26/22)
Testing the limits of these young dumb keyboard warrior taste makers. I finish therapy, now having a typewriter device in my car for being high in public. I realize the waste of breath my stories feel today, nowadays, as if the desire to make any impression at all is gone, drained, deflated personality shlumps like a wet rubber suit onto the floor in an ugly pile. The comfort that develops in the quiet of solitude, it is dangerous. It is the loss of humor, of all obligation to speak, tell, or entertain an other. These are social skills a young man should fight the urge to do away with so soon. There is still work to be done in the world, towards establishing and applying the social self to serve something greater than my self, the natural progression towards that drive that comes with maturity. Selfish behavior is shunned in tribal society, yet celebrated and rewarded in a Capitalist society. I am fat and greedy, self serving and narcissistic But I once felt the pull to service, the tasks which defined my potential path of purpose, the unambiguous and direct experiences which constituted my Calling. There are so many stories to reference with a conclusion like that, of having a spiritual Calling. The statement, by itself, could easily be called delusional if no background or the set of experiences which led me and, I believe, would similarly lead any rational and intelligent person to reach that same conclusion, if it were to happen to them. But, for brevity, the stories generally remain untold at those conclusion points and the evidence and background work I performed and analyzed for so many years to reach that conclusion, in a careful and stepwise way, are passed over as an unspoken but implied footnote in the conversation. For those listeners with who I HAVE shared these background stories, I often refer back to them in subsequent conversations of their related conclusions. Unfortunately, those powerful stories I’d told the old friend who is listening were, often shared with them a decade or more before and, in many cases, and are mostly forgotten. Expecting people to care so much about your life as to remember detailes of stories told fifteen years ago is unrealistic. In this way, the written word is a better representation of who I am than these spoken conversations, at least as it applies to the inner work, of personal research, of searching for answers and developing carefully developed explanations, metaphors, and models for describing the subtle systems of nature and the laws which govern their mechanics.
What fundamentals can careful study of these rare and exceptional aspects of human experience reveal to better understand the Oh shit. Gotta go Walmart!
Big Oak Laundry
A fat kid with greasy ginger-colored hair split down along either side of his face passes me as I load the washer and says, “Who is that??” to himself, as if exasperated by my appearance in the room of public use appliances. Is my appearance that far off that THAT kind of reaction is warranted? If I was in the fifth grade, I would have addressed his self talk directly, “I’m sorry, what was that?? I didn’t hear you!” Like I did with the short little pudgy “inside kid” who sat directly beside me, our cramped metal desks connected. Everyday, his burping and picking his nose (and eating it), my resentment for him grew over months more each day. Always in my immediate vicinity, 8 hours a day, shoulders and elbows touching, hour after long hour in Mr Johnson’s Fifth Grade trailer classroom. What did they call those cheap extra buildings built outside the run down old school again? What did they call me again? Or him? Or my family back then? Inconsequential aspects of one’s social place, a self, assigned, for supposed learning and guidance. The completely batshit, emotionally-troubled, and insecure men we entrust our children to!! My God. My Boy Scout leader of Troop 432, Louie Verville Sr., went to prison last week. Fifteen year sentence for child molestation. His victim was four year old girl, Third Degree Sexual Assault: forced intercourse with penetration. I was so disgusted by his picture in the paper, this fat sixty five year old man, head shaved. To think I spent nights alone in the woods with that man! He helped set me up with a place to sleep through the night. Was he thinking of my ass, too, back then? Of forcing penetration into me and my classmates, as well? Or did those thoughts and disgusting premeditated grooming behavior simply originate overnight, somehow, suddenly, in his sixties? That doesn’t seem likely! He restrained himself, but the draw to children was still obviously there, as a Scout Leader, helping us with our little uniforms in Cub Bear and Wolf scout meetings, our little neckerchiefs and pine box derby races, all lined up in a row. Gag! Gagging us? His Son, Louie Verville, Jr. was in my grade, a barrel chested weightlifter, compensatory display of masculinity, like his father. I fought him a few times. Shaking nervous circling, awkward punches, posturing with our fists up, not knowing anything about how or what to actually do to begin, other than the Jean Claude van Dam movies we’d seen. His life is ruined in the community, indirectly. He carries his father’s name out into town, among family friends and polite hellos, everyone there thinking it as the smile through grit teeth. Many will avoid him all together, severed from the social circle, unseen, alienated, his father’s name is now a shameful weight he carries around the neck of his social self. Fuck him and his fucking disgusting pedo dad .I have no issue severing from my social life, as he barely existed for me since that awkward fight, that pine box derby trophy, selling popcorn for has daddy, handing him the worksheets to show how good I was, eagerly awaiting the reward he would give me. A special badge for me to wear proudly in public. aAnd did I narrowly miss the “Special” badge he wanted me to work for? In private, after the other boys had went home? Disturbing, the thoughts of monsters. The interviews with serial killers, the Co-ed Killer, or Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahlmer, John Wayne Gacy Jr., when the full extent of their evil had finally come to light and they had nothing left to lose, many of them would surrender to the interviewer as a sort of confessional before their death. We have a fascination with evil, it has an inverse draw as the negative attraction implied by our positive rerepulsion. My dad would read those true crime books about all of those many monsters while guarding his monsters at the Maximum Security Federal Prison, his grey and black corrections Officer uniform , the smell of his breath, freshly brushed teeth and shave, kissing me goodbye. Until the inevitable estrangement of my teenage years made us two men, facing one another, serious and humorless, no playful wrestling or tickle torture, only me to my room and he to his. There are lines drawn in every parent/child relationship, structure of discipline and developmental changes so directed, or not. Many parents are their child’s best friend, or try to be, treating them as an equal. Other dominate over their children, strict and critical, driving them to be a certain way, applying pressure and expectations for the child to live up to. This latter form of parenting, it seems, can create the best environment for lifetime success, moreso than the parenting style of “hands off” anything oges, do whatever you want just get out of my face, out of the house, I don’t want to look at you - parenting. And yes, I realize the edge of that theme Louie Verville Sr.’s conviction introduced, as I discuss “hands off, anything goes, tickle torture wrestling. And what a shame that a loving playful joy, one of my favorite memories of childhood, playing with my dad, in todays world must be shadowed by such disturbing cultural phenomena. The new clichés, used to paint pictures of creeps. I could go on to describe my dad’s big van, with the beds inside, another treasured memory so maligned by this culture of today. Innocence is gone. And I wish this diseased culture could be contained TO America. It broke my heart to see the innocence of best friends in Chinese colleges, men holding hands and embracing their male friends, women so close, physically affectionate with one another in a way unacceptable in my own High School and College life. The heartbreak came in seeing American culture, humor, Hollywood imports of homosexual phobias, insecurities, ambiguous gender questions and serial killers, fear of monsters imported, unavoidably, to the fore of their brain, making them afraid of holding hands or holding their friend, showing love in that innocent beautiful expression of deep companionship, withering in isolative gestures, alienation and shame. How heartbreaking to see that permanent change in their culture occur, as it had in our own society. Brought to the relationship alongside the materialism and the individual rebelliousness, self definition apart, colder, more self-interested and self-absorbed. The culture of poking screens instead of playing in the sun, of buying shoes instead of going to temple with grandma, mom, and dad.
2/3/22
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the Finnish way. This song is done, my life is over. Thought I had something more t say. What is it about the loss of home, while perfectly housed? What is the relationship between the ideal, the feeling, of being home and family? Can a Hermit, indulging in the luxury and anguish of solitude, ever feel he is at home where he sleeps? Leaving home to start a family, as all young men must do as a Western cultural rite of passage, is a journey never resolved if that new family is never found. At what age does our biology begin telling us the now-or-never ultimatum of marriage and fatherhood is edging further and further towards the side of never where, inevitably, an adult male must give up the chase; realistically, its not going to happen. Giving up in many of those cases means going up, ascending the obligations of a life he’d never sown in others, which never became personal. Without family to anchor, the freedom of Giving and going up the mountain into a solitary spiritual life, the manners and behaviors inspired by the forceful influence of that powerful biological drive a man feels to reproduce. As the stout and insistent hormonal aspect of this drive, the testosterone and cum shooting from the eyes of an 18 year old compared, even biochemically, just, with that of a 40 year old. Our body changes and, with it, libido and energy levels begin to relax with a middle-aged man’s metabolism. That energy, by and large, was the fuel that drove us to compete and establish dominance within a domain of competence in the world. Establishing oneself and the aptitudes one has honed towards mastery and purpose in whatever field of his society, our body is hardwired to the natural chronological progression of a man towards fatherhood so that, developmentally these physical changes can be measured and expressed alongside the behavioral changes common to all men. The many ways these objective and subjective changes can be seen to affect a man. Each decade has its specific common effects, which can be expected and studied, generalized so broadly as to encompass the whole of our species. Bill ten, a knowing patient gets wet by the dog carrying the hose in its mouth, chasing on such a bright bright Summer’s day. Tates McGee and the Grumpy Bunch.
February 8th, 2022
Telling the stories first and then the hard won rationalizations of them, the new models of the world I had to accept if these rare EHEs are to be explained. They are subtle aspects of nature, or a set of experiences which imply a range of nature existing which, while nonphysical, can have physical correlates, electromagnetic correlates, and, as with the various felt influences within our nervous system, an electrochemical correlate as well. To share just the experience, by itself, can be met with doubts, as sharing the conclusions derived from the rational study and hard won understandings found in grappling with the evidence provided by the spiritual or shamanic type experiences, these conclusions can, more often than not, be met with doubt or even judgment as someone without a logical rational grasp of the world, as if I’m rambling about irrational superstitions to them, “What a half wit!”
But when leveling with them and, with sincerity, sharing the exceptional human experience (EHE), in full, with all of these significant and often meaningful correlates as evidence, the listener, however judgmental, is forced into a confrontation of his worldview, contrary information he must contend with. If taken seriously, if I am accepted to be an honest person with grounded and evidence based rational acumen, how is he to account for it? The question of what he would do were something like this to happen to him? That can induce a state of such cognitive dissonance that many people simply resent me and the confrontation my experience contains, part and parcel with its story. That resentment has occurred enough as to be predictable, even associated with certain personality types who can be expected to react strongly and negatively; people concerned with their imagine and standing in society. They are the recognized authority of a given group. They perceive the confrontation of their view of the world to be a challenge to their authority, leading them to react as if “their territory” has been threatened. That resentment, of defending themselves from a perceived threat, can lead people with this distinct and identifiable personality type to take blatant and unambiguous steps to attack or attempt to harm me, my career, educational standing, or livelihood Having fellow students note this resentment, which I was working so hard to convince myself it was all in my head. “My God! Dr. Fadiman truly hates you! It’s crazy to watch him shut you down!”
Days of silent treatment for Jane, lead in her to progress through various stages of apology, exasperation, desperation, and then attack with strings of assaultive character assassinations interspersed between jags of blame, professed and florid stories of victimhood at my cruel hand. “You are not a good person.” That statement concerns, not merely my behavior, but the core of who I am as a person. You are not good (you are bad). You have evil coming through you, influencing you as an external entity for whom you are merely an instrument. As much as my first instinct is to reject her assessment of me, this partner for whom I am most intimate with in the world, who knows me better than anyone else, my instinct is to disregard her assessment of who I am as delusional, in a quick defensive motion. Yet I cannot deny that interactions with something unambiguously evil have occurred, and continue to occur to a lesser degree. The intrusive and angry intrusive interactions occurring every night for weeks now, my telling her about them is what brought an end to the relationship, her characterizing these nightly torments as the reason she has been victimized by me, that this cruel and psychotic narcissistic monster is she describes me as is not actually me, but something evil influencing my behavior. I wish to judge THAT as superstitious, I am not willing to make that leap, in spite of the evidence which could be interpreted in that way, I need, always, the physical evidence, first, which I can study objectively, as itself, as a universal aspect of all shamanic cultures, for instance. My defensiveness is rooted in my refusal to accept such a horrible and terrifying belief about myself. That, at my core, I am not good, but evil following this malevolent spiritual ordeal my girlfriend and I endured. I’m ready to flee, the sleepless nights are affecting me, learning that the sunrise does not dissuade them from their persistent interactions, feeling their weight as they sit on the bed through my feet, the vibratory sensation moving up my frame, as the weight on the bed is felt to move up and settle behind my back. Laying on my side, feeling it wrap me up and spoon me, essentially. Feeling the quivering vibratory phase relationship being induced and sensed as the felt nervous system state distinct to mediumship. Learning to recognize that experience is not, in and of itself, a defense against it. When this mediumship is occuring against my will in a forceful intrusive way, like this. Last night, I stayed up till after 9:00 AM, afraid to sleep, hoping I could fight sleep until morning, to keep these terrifying assaults at bay. But, even after 9:00, they were intent on making this happen, whether I liked it or not. Pins and needles sensations moving from my feet up my legs, with uncontrollable movement, shaking. The bed, itself, being felt to shake, to knock against the wall, with movement not being derived from me, but occurring TO me. This is a common trademark of the possession experience, one of many I have come to identify, mirrored , as well, in older pagan traditional explanations, such as Old Hag or, the Incubus Attack of early Christian interpretations. What can we know of these entities, who can clearly see us, although we cannot observe them. We can only know them by their interactions, teasing, taunting, the almost playful bullying of the Trickster entity described in folklore of spiritual interactions around the world. Or the hints that this interaction is distinctly NOT PLAYFUL, but dangerous. The seriousness of a more powerful assault of the person, overtaking them by force in a way akin to the trauma of rape. The classifications, further still, of human and definitely not-human entities the celestial and demonic extremes of this evolutionary and ecological hierarchy of spirit, the many species and regions of subtle or nonphysical ranges of natural life. How can I spout such things while denouncing the spiritual belief system of my girlfriend? Hypocritical, at least on the surface, yet, to my mind, I have certain standards which I require to be met before I can deem an explanation or experience to be confirmed. Confirmation is often a slow and careful process of meaning making and analysis of the available and what is often, initially inexplicable evidence provided by the experience. That is where I “built my home,” but in order to bring someone to that conclusion I live with, I must be able to walk them, guide them, stepwise towards that conclusion.
2/17/22
Parking in the middle school staff lot. The thought of a man sitting alone in his car his scar, out there in the open, is seen as a dangerous threat, our minds now go there…
I put down the AlphaSmart 3000 to park anywhere else. A new lot across the street, but then had to park a 2nd time as to not even be parked facing the school lot. Insane obsessive rituals before I can feel comfortable writing in public The Divil has a bag of bones in his pocket, lights on - nobody home.”
They’re going to pray for their man. Div-el. The Dive Divine, since dove, and fully immersed below his born station. The Light Bringer, initially, must have seen a fantastic sight! He who brings light into the room, is it safe to associate the daimon with those angelic encounters described not only within that Judeo-Christian tradition, but in South Eastern, Han, Hindu, and Buddhists descriptions of radiant forms interacting, mediumship in Taoist China, called “the Hall of Revelation.” A person can just collect and collect disparate cultures’ conceptualized as linked by exceptional human experiences to every other era and culture of our species. Study of those universals or near universals is important, as with the phenomena’s cultural interpretation, a set of likewise universal or near universal states of consciousness or signatures of consciousness state which are correlated with the EHE. In that way, a core set of practices related to learning to control and induce intentionally those exceptional human experiences, as needed for his or her spiritual work. The man in the truck wakes up and drives out of the dark parking lot. It is twilight, six twenty, with a full moon in the sky. I had intended to take MDA and LSD together on the full moonlight, but realized I had too many things to do today. Put it off again, perhaps tonight, but things aren’t quite right and I need to do laundry, excuse after excuse to avoid having a spiritual experience alone in that haunted fucking hotel room. Its not a cabin on the water, its an abandoned beach resort , with multiple units in a row, my own being number five.
The forward breath magnifies my state of being more personally than the resonating voice of another, myself.
1-14-22
Here Mitch, you have come up in one of my recent therapy sessions so I felt you had a right to know! I will let you listen to the reference and then, hopefully, respond in writing, if you’re willing. It’s my preference I hope you might humor.
Maybe tonight. What did she want? Why did I wake up from her voice in the doorway only to find my cock in my hand in my underwear, and my immediate response was to bare my teeth and hiss at her. What the fuck was that??
I think of it almost as two entities in the room, in the addition to myself. A woman, again, violating me sexually but with my own hand. She sounded older and heavy, or that was the image I got of her. But what is this second being seemingly in me which would cause me t immediately respond with hissing and bared teeth. I’ve never done such a thing in my life, I was desperate to get my eye shades off to see her, but wanted to fend her off in that moment. I was ready to jump out of bed and charge into the bathroom she’d went into before realizing that there’s no place to go from that small room.
A break through in conceptualizing dimensionality. The point to line, line to plane, plane to physical space, physical space back to line - the line of inward-upward and inward-downward. That new line across the grid descends straight up or straindown from the room. Straight strange. In other words, conceptualizing the room you are in as ascending or descending, up or down, but each stepwise aspect of that trance by units of time, like the bouncing solitaire cards, appearing to come towards you as each image of the card is superimposed over and to the right or left as a progression denoting movement towards me within the fore field. The image I saw of this descent or ascent was of the physical surroundings of the room suddenly being expressed downwards as discrete hues of the room expressed along a spectrum, seeing a rainbow extend before me like a stepladder. This is the rainbow road of my ancestors, how one can climb to Valhalla and the realm of the ancestors, watching over you from the lodge. The glass of the lodge is one way visible, as we are in the dark looking out onto the brightest sunny day. When they try to look in, they only see darkness. But we can watch out, cheering from the sidelines, helping when we can but there are rules in place for play. Can guide, give encouragement or even arrange coincidence to parlay messages through those around me. A strong statement, but how else can the women in white be interpreted, the astronomical improbability of that video being the first thing I saw when my cell service came back up, “White Night Magic,” but mostly that long monologue in the book store “he was attacked by a demon, but he faced it and took control of it and now the demon is his armor as he enters the spirit world.” What the fuck was he saying?? Describing the protection I had been praying for four and a half hours, deeply and intently, focused and transcending unambiguously The TM being especially conducive to the journey to t he Under and Over Worlds. The Axis Mundi, Jacob’s Ladder, all of these are different words for that same thing, that spectrum and its rainbow like range of discrete bandwidths. The metaphor of media is essential for us to understand how spectra are governed, the laws of waveform dynamics should be studied and applied to nature’s every aspect, not merely the physical bandwidths of the spectrum, but the unseen as well All are governed by the same fundamentals of conscious experience, through to subconscious experience. The Inward-Upward and the Inward-Downward are the most simple and immediately graspable descriptions of this Axis Mundi universal and how to travel along it to other regions or stations of consciousness. How long can you sit and think and think about a problem before it’s nature can finally be deduced? The incredible thought experiments of Einstein, taking huge conceptions of the nonphysical word and or the edge of physics fringe
Is there a reason you are excluding Mikkal from your plan?
If he is not there, something else will surely take his place Not always a positive influence, it’s good to show some discernment and control over your dissertation board. And your chair.
I don’t know how to communicate with people, but of course I’d know how to communicate with beings of white light! Of course! ;)
Take stock in the metaphor, as it is a physical reality and we know that. The electromagnetism modulating the space around our body is measurable and modulates , influencing and being influenced by oscillatory fields of the surroundings. This is physical perception, the five sensory organs and their discrete range of perception. It affords. But in what way do we radiate in more subtle or refined bandwidths of the surrounding media? Can the LHC eventually measure Aether, finally and unequivocally proving the existence of a medium being modulated by light. Lights carrier. By imagining the edge of the a body of water, a pond. Still water’s surface appears in several different ways as we enter it. Black water becomes a mirror, white water impenetrable in its roar or a calmer light babble. The medium of water is expressed as a boundary is the fundamental reduction of all of those physical experiences, scenarios for generalizing. Take heed. Every bandwidth of the multiple facets and subtle refined ranges of electromagnetism’s infinite spectrum, Regionality and locality are expressed along the meeting of two densities of matter, the boundary of that body of water is a surface with a set tension and viscosity. Density can be thought of as the compression of lower bandwidths of the particulate media by depth, the lowest regions of the ocean are molecularly denser, compacted by the sheer weight of the water above. In this way, the EM spectrum can be understood as it descends through to define physicality for us, localized modulatory media and the apparatus we have evolved to interpret these various outward sources of frequency difference, oscillatory phenomena rippling across the surrounding water of the pond. Throwing a massive boulder into this medium creates a high amplitude massive slow wave impact, dropping immediately down through the ranges of pressure to the bottom, the edge of the ground, a denser medium that, itself, can experience huge wave disruptions, earthquakes and tectonic shift, all slower than the finer medium, the state of matter of water in its liquid form, finer yet along the ranges of a species’ conscious experience, regionally divided. The life that crawls, flies, or dives at this boundary of the ocean, an ecosystem rich with diversity, tend to have evolutionarily developed ways to exploit the boundary for sustenance. The heron diving down for herring, the beautiful mammals having developed and climbed in stepwise adaptive ascent to survive, to swim every towards the light, following it until the edge of the shore is reached. There, the challenge of developing into a higher and more refined medium of matter is confronted.
I hope all of this doesn’t sound pedantic. These metaphors and thought experiments were mostly inspired by my own spiritual experiences and the obsessive quest to find some way of integrating them into an understanding of the natural world, its more subtle aspects beyond the ranges of our physical sensory limitations. EThinking of every bandwidth of the electromagnetic spectrum as being governemed by those same fundamental laws of of waveform transmission in media carier. These limits of physical perception naked should not define the discrete beginning and end of ourthe whoele of our understanding of conscious life. In the future, the thought of using burning gasoline to travel physically across physical nature in space will seem crude and so adorably innocent fo, that oblivious species we were and the potential which naturally develops if a species is allowed to continue developing into new sensory ability, as the pineal gland’s lens, cornea, and retina suggest we were. What bandwidth of light was perceived by that literal third eye, located like a little sensor along the cleft boundary of our right and left hemispheres. A little pinecone, it would not make sense to develop such a novel organ evolutionarily if it would only perceive within the same vlimits of the visible spectrum, that minute sliver of the greater immensity of electromagnetism. Thinking even beyond the meeting of electricity and magnetism, the meeting of two systems, modulating one another in these incredible ways, to understand the medium of mass being equivalent or a discrete range of energy, so that such of a fascinating set of interactions can be defined across that equality , reduced and controlled using known constants, a proven path through natures greater ranges can be deduced. What can I do with this similar exhaustive thought experiments drawn into better understanding of physicality’s edges and how dimensionality expresses itself. Can we define the future ranges of physicality by what the pineal gland’s vestigial sensory function implies? Having regressed in our species, the craniums of pre-mammalian vertebrates are often thinned to allow light to radiate directly onto the cortex, thin enough to become semi-transparent. But while this ancient pre-mammalian functionality has certainly regressed, post-retinal light on the pineal still governs the release of melatonin. Only when the light of our surroundings is perceived by the pineal gland to be no longer shining, and we are in darkness, is the hormone melatonin released to induce the body to sleep. But the pineal gland doing this releasing is lesser understood. *DMT discussion insert here.
Publication, popularity, and fame following Einstein’s publication revealed Holy shit! Something hits the metal in the back of my car, ping ping, loudly at that exact point in the sentence. Sounded almost like two bb gun hits.
I interpret that they’d rather I not go on, blathering about Einstein, or that I, myself, need to publish my writing, do the work of expressing each article as best I can, using whatever format is expected for a given ideas, using the accepted terms of discourse for a given academic community, fully referenced into a concise arguments. Proofs, references, show your work! But what is the work of developing a metaphor based on nature’s observable ranges? What is the expression of a thought experiment academically when it leads to a sudden AH HA! moment?
I neglected to even get into the physical presence of the entity spooning me Sitting in my Mitsubishi 2008 Eclipse, jet black Batmobile, in my therapist’s parking lot, watching the traffic of downtown Clear Lake, CA, the highway location, the many people and distractions? Do I hear a car door behind me? What is that man screaming about? Is the sound coming from the gas station in front of me or the parking lot behind me? I get overwhelmed by sensory experience in public, being hypersensitive, hypervigilant to the ranges of subtle occurrences in my surroundings that my friends do not even register. It makes writing in public easily distractible, especially for long thoughts requiring a strong and wide attention span buffer to hold such long strings of thought associations, unwrapping an idea down to its furthest layers, the edge of my capacity of attention. Here, Attention is best thought of as a volume of sensory stimuli: The most I am able to hold and carry naturally being the amount of water I can physically hold and carry, versus the amount I am able to hold using technology. A clay cup, a bowl, a jug, gourd, or basket (well, maybe a really fancy basket!) Innovation allows us to carry more of that current for later. To imagine how technology may eventually be more fully integrated, cognitively, to the aid of our attention or the utilization and processing of of greater sensory amplitude and volume than we are naturally able to manage perceive, and reflect. As light through a lens, does the distance of the lens from the flashlight’s source of light, the bulb - moving the lens outwards or inwards -- the rays can be controlled and focused down to a pinpoint of highly charged photic intensity, or by pulling the lens back closer to the bulb, its light can be broadened outwards into a diffuse low intensity revelation of the room, allowing us to see beyond what nature’s design permitted us. Again, using all of these phenomenal developments we now take for granted or accept without real comprehension. Working conception. We still don’t fully understand gravity, its control or generation. Much of electromagnetism is still unexplored “Fucking magnets. How they work??”
*The written portions of these therapy sessions should be included in the YouTube description of their uploaded audio component.
“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production.”
An archive would then have the various differences introduced between the written expression of the idea or experience versus the transcription of the spoken version, as told in therapy. By and large, I would say that the spoken or “Storyteller” version is more accessible and conversationally-written when transcribed, not getting too dense or laden with detail, but still expressing an argument in a concise and well-reasoned way. I like being able to say “Does that make sense?” and hearing back any area of the thought which was not clear or which did not seem well supported by sound deductive reasoning. Having the reader in front of you, able to give their feedback immediately, that is a great inspiration. Having that reflection point in the room, to be told how you sound or what the shared thought evokes. This dialogue form should be returned to philosophical writing, the Greco-Roman practice of introducing the critical voice into the prose, to beat your future critics to the punch, so to speak.
Selecting the right person to talk to, careful to discriminate someone whose perspective you can appreciate, this is a major part of spoken dialogue transcription. Podcast guests, for instance, are selected with the possible or predicted direction of their conversation in mind. Joe Rogan recently being canceled for his choice of guests, controversial conservative leaders, crackpots, etc. He had interpreted that openness to many forms of ideas and perspective as a strength, but no, its truly not seen that way by all of his detractors, many of whom suggested he should deny the conversational platform from certain thinkers. To censor them for the good of the greater community. But perhaps Socrates would suggest one should know their enemy’s position intimately so as to represent their critique fairly. Or, if his podcast could be broadcast, choose his debating pattern with great care, ensuring certain requirements about their nature be met. Intelligent and articulate, reasonable, that method of leading this person along a path of assertions.
What fundamentals can careful study of these rare and exceptional aspects of human experience reveal to better understand the Oh shit. Gotta go Walmart!
Big Oak Laundry
A fat kid with greasy ginger-colored hair split down along either side of his face passes me as I load the washer and says, “Who is that??” to himself, as if exasperated by my appearance in the room of public use appliances. Is my appearance that far off that THAT kind of reaction is warranted? If I was in the fifth grade, I would have addressed his self talk directly, “I’m sorry, what was that?? I didn’t hear you!” Like I did with the short little pudgy “inside kid” who sat directly beside me, our cramped metal desks connected. Everyday, his burping and picking his nose (and eating it), my resentment for him grew over months more each day. Always in my immediate vicinity, 8 hours a day, shoulders and elbows touching, hour after long hour in Mr Johnson’s Fifth Grade trailer classroom. What did they call those cheap extra buildings built outside the run down old school again? What did they call me again? Or him? Or my family back then? Inconsequential aspects of one’s social place, a self, assigned, for supposed learning and guidance. The completely batshit, emotionally-troubled, and insecure men we entrust our children to!! My God. My Boy Scout leader of Troop 432, Louie Verville Sr., went to prison last week. Fifteen year sentence for child molestation. His victim was four year old girl, Third Degree Sexual Assault: forced intercourse with penetration. I was so disgusted by his picture in the paper, this fat sixty five year old man, head shaved. To think I spent nights alone in the woods with that man! He helped set me up with a place to sleep through the night. Was he thinking of my ass, too, back then? Of forcing penetration into me and my classmates, as well? Or did those thoughts and disgusting premeditated grooming behavior simply originate overnight, somehow, suddenly, in his sixties? That doesn’t seem likely! He restrained himself, but the draw to children was still obviously there, as a Scout Leader, helping us with our little uniforms in Cub Bear and Wolf scout meetings, our little neckerchiefs and pine box derby races, all lined up in a row. Gag! Gagging us? His Son, Louie Verville, Jr. was in my grade, a barrel chested weightlifter, compensatory display of masculinity, like his father. I fought him a few times. Shaking nervous circling, awkward punches, posturing with our fists up, not knowing anything about how or what to actually do to begin, other than the Jean Claude van Dam movies we’d seen. His life is ruined in the community, indirectly. He carries his father’s name out into town, among family friends and polite hellos, everyone there thinking it as the smile through grit teeth. Many will avoid him all together, severed from the social circle, unseen, alienated, his father’s name is now a shameful weight he carries around the neck of his social self. Fuck him and his fucking disgusting pedo dad .I have no issue severing from my social life, as he barely existed for me since that awkward fight, that pine box derby trophy, selling popcorn for has daddy, handing him the worksheets to show how good I was, eagerly awaiting the reward he would give me. A special badge for me to wear proudly in public. aAnd did I narrowly miss the “Special” badge he wanted me to work for? In private, after the other boys had went home? Disturbing, the thoughts of monsters. The interviews with serial killers, the Co-ed Killer, or Ted Bundy, Jeffery Dahlmer, John Wayne Gacy Jr., when the full extent of their evil had finally come to light and they had nothing left to lose, many of them would surrender to the interviewer as a sort of confessional before their death. We have a fascination with evil, it has an inverse draw as the negative attraction implied by our positive rerepulsion. My dad would read those true crime books about all of those many monsters while guarding his monsters at the Maximum Security Federal Prison, his grey and black corrections Officer uniform , the smell of his breath, freshly brushed teeth and shave, kissing me goodbye. Until the inevitable estrangement of my teenage years made us two men, facing one another, serious and humorless, no playful wrestling or tickle torture, only me to my room and he to his. There are lines drawn in every parent/child relationship, structure of discipline and developmental changes so directed, or not. Many parents are their child’s best friend, or try to be, treating them as an equal. Other dominate over their children, strict and critical, driving them to be a certain way, applying pressure and expectations for the child to live up to. This latter form of parenting, it seems, can create the best environment for lifetime success, moreso than the parenting style of “hands off” anything oges, do whatever you want just get out of my face, out of the house, I don’t want to look at you - parenting. And yes, I realize the edge of that theme Louie Verville Sr.’s conviction introduced, as I discuss “hands off, anything goes, tickle torture wrestling. And what a shame that a loving playful joy, one of my favorite memories of childhood, playing with my dad, in todays world must be shadowed by such disturbing cultural phenomena. The new clichés, used to paint pictures of creeps. I could go on to describe my dad’s big van, with the beds inside, another treasured memory so maligned by this culture of today. Innocence is gone. And I wish this diseased culture could be contained TO America. It broke my heart to see the innocence of best friends in Chinese colleges, men holding hands and embracing their male friends, women so close, physically affectionate with one another in a way unacceptable in my own High School and College life. The heartbreak came in seeing American culture, humor, Hollywood imports of homosexual phobias, insecurities, ambiguous gender questions and serial killers, fear of monsters imported, unavoidably, to the fore of their brain, making them afraid of holding hands or holding their friend, showing love in that innocent beautiful expression of deep companionship, withering in isolative gestures, alienation and shame. How heartbreaking to see that permanent change in their culture occur, as it had in our own society. Brought to the relationship alongside the materialism and the individual rebelliousness, self definition apart, colder, more self-interested and self-absorbed. The culture of poking screens instead of playing in the sun, of buying shoes instead of going to temple with grandma, mom, and dad.
2/3/22
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the Finnish way. This song is done, my life is over. Thought I had something more t say. What is it about the loss of home, while perfectly housed? What is the relationship between the ideal, the feeling, of being home and family? Can a Hermit, indulging in the luxury and anguish of solitude, ever feel he is at home where he sleeps? Leaving home to start a family, as all young men must do as a Western cultural rite of passage, is a journey never resolved if that new family is never found. At what age does our biology begin telling us the now-or-never ultimatum of marriage and fatherhood is edging further and further towards the side of never where, inevitably, an adult male must give up the chase; realistically, its not going to happen. Giving up in many of those cases means going up, ascending the obligations of a life he’d never sown in others, which never became personal. Without family to anchor, the freedom of Giving and going up the mountain into a solitary spiritual life, the manners and behaviors inspired by the forceful influence of that powerful biological drive a man feels to reproduce. As the stout and insistent hormonal aspect of this drive, the testosterone and cum shooting from the eyes of an 18 year old compared, even biochemically, just, with that of a 40 year old. Our body changes and, with it, libido and energy levels begin to relax with a middle-aged man’s metabolism. That energy, by and large, was the fuel that drove us to compete and establish dominance within a domain of competence in the world. Establishing oneself and the aptitudes one has honed towards mastery and purpose in whatever field of his society, our body is hardwired to the natural chronological progression of a man towards fatherhood so that, developmentally these physical changes can be measured and expressed alongside the behavioral changes common to all men. The many ways these objective and subjective changes can be seen to affect a man. Each decade has its specific common effects, which can be expected and studied, generalized so broadly as to encompass the whole of our species. Bill ten, a knowing patient gets wet by the dog carrying the hose in its mouth, chasing on such a bright bright Summer’s day. Tates McGee and the Grumpy Bunch.
February 8th, 2022
Telling the stories first and then the hard won rationalizations of them, the new models of the world I had to accept if these rare EHEs are to be explained. They are subtle aspects of nature, or a set of experiences which imply a range of nature existing which, while nonphysical, can have physical correlates, electromagnetic correlates, and, as with the various felt influences within our nervous system, an electrochemical correlate as well. To share just the experience, by itself, can be met with doubts, as sharing the conclusions derived from the rational study and hard won understandings found in grappling with the evidence provided by the spiritual or shamanic type experiences, these conclusions can, more often than not, be met with doubt or even judgment as someone without a logical rational grasp of the world, as if I’m rambling about irrational superstitions to them, “What a half wit!”
But when leveling with them and, with sincerity, sharing the exceptional human experience (EHE), in full, with all of these significant and often meaningful correlates as evidence, the listener, however judgmental, is forced into a confrontation of his worldview, contrary information he must contend with. If taken seriously, if I am accepted to be an honest person with grounded and evidence based rational acumen, how is he to account for it? The question of what he would do were something like this to happen to him? That can induce a state of such cognitive dissonance that many people simply resent me and the confrontation my experience contains, part and parcel with its story. That resentment has occurred enough as to be predictable, even associated with certain personality types who can be expected to react strongly and negatively; people concerned with their imagine and standing in society. They are the recognized authority of a given group. They perceive the confrontation of their view of the world to be a challenge to their authority, leading them to react as if “their territory” has been threatened. That resentment, of defending themselves from a perceived threat, can lead people with this distinct and identifiable personality type to take blatant and unambiguous steps to attack or attempt to harm me, my career, educational standing, or livelihood Having fellow students note this resentment, which I was working so hard to convince myself it was all in my head. “My God! Dr. Fadiman truly hates you! It’s crazy to watch him shut you down!”
Days of silent treatment for Jane, lead in her to progress through various stages of apology, exasperation, desperation, and then attack with strings of assaultive character assassinations interspersed between jags of blame, professed and florid stories of victimhood at my cruel hand. “You are not a good person.” That statement concerns, not merely my behavior, but the core of who I am as a person. You are not good (you are bad). You have evil coming through you, influencing you as an external entity for whom you are merely an instrument. As much as my first instinct is to reject her assessment of me, this partner for whom I am most intimate with in the world, who knows me better than anyone else, my instinct is to disregard her assessment of who I am as delusional, in a quick defensive motion. Yet I cannot deny that interactions with something unambiguously evil have occurred, and continue to occur to a lesser degree. The intrusive and angry intrusive interactions occurring every night for weeks now, my telling her about them is what brought an end to the relationship, her characterizing these nightly torments as the reason she has been victimized by me, that this cruel and psychotic narcissistic monster is she describes me as is not actually me, but something evil influencing my behavior. I wish to judge THAT as superstitious, I am not willing to make that leap, in spite of the evidence which could be interpreted in that way, I need, always, the physical evidence, first, which I can study objectively, as itself, as a universal aspect of all shamanic cultures, for instance. My defensiveness is rooted in my refusal to accept such a horrible and terrifying belief about myself. That, at my core, I am not good, but evil following this malevolent spiritual ordeal my girlfriend and I endured. I’m ready to flee, the sleepless nights are affecting me, learning that the sunrise does not dissuade them from their persistent interactions, feeling their weight as they sit on the bed through my feet, the vibratory sensation moving up my frame, as the weight on the bed is felt to move up and settle behind my back. Laying on my side, feeling it wrap me up and spoon me, essentially. Feeling the quivering vibratory phase relationship being induced and sensed as the felt nervous system state distinct to mediumship. Learning to recognize that experience is not, in and of itself, a defense against it. When this mediumship is occuring against my will in a forceful intrusive way, like this. Last night, I stayed up till after 9:00 AM, afraid to sleep, hoping I could fight sleep until morning, to keep these terrifying assaults at bay. But, even after 9:00, they were intent on making this happen, whether I liked it or not. Pins and needles sensations moving from my feet up my legs, with uncontrollable movement, shaking. The bed, itself, being felt to shake, to knock against the wall, with movement not being derived from me, but occurring TO me. This is a common trademark of the possession experience, one of many I have come to identify, mirrored , as well, in older pagan traditional explanations, such as Old Hag or, the Incubus Attack of early Christian interpretations. What can we know of these entities, who can clearly see us, although we cannot observe them. We can only know them by their interactions, teasing, taunting, the almost playful bullying of the Trickster entity described in folklore of spiritual interactions around the world. Or the hints that this interaction is distinctly NOT PLAYFUL, but dangerous. The seriousness of a more powerful assault of the person, overtaking them by force in a way akin to the trauma of rape. The classifications, further still, of human and definitely not-human entities the celestial and demonic extremes of this evolutionary and ecological hierarchy of spirit, the many species and regions of subtle or nonphysical ranges of natural life. How can I spout such things while denouncing the spiritual belief system of my girlfriend? Hypocritical, at least on the surface, yet, to my mind, I have certain standards which I require to be met before I can deem an explanation or experience to be confirmed. Confirmation is often a slow and careful process of meaning making and analysis of the available and what is often, initially inexplicable evidence provided by the experience. That is where I “built my home,” but in order to bring someone to that conclusion I live with, I must be able to walk them, guide them, stepwise towards that conclusion.
2/17/22
Parking in the middle school staff lot. The thought of a man sitting alone in his car his scar, out there in the open, is seen as a dangerous threat, our minds now go there…
I put down the AlphaSmart 3000 to park anywhere else. A new lot across the street, but then had to park a 2nd time as to not even be parked facing the school lot. Insane obsessive rituals before I can feel comfortable writing in public The Divil has a bag of bones in his pocket, lights on - nobody home.”
They’re going to pray for their man. Div-el. The Dive Divine, since dove, and fully immersed below his born station. The Light Bringer, initially, must have seen a fantastic sight! He who brings light into the room, is it safe to associate the daimon with those angelic encounters described not only within that Judeo-Christian tradition, but in South Eastern, Han, Hindu, and Buddhists descriptions of radiant forms interacting, mediumship in Taoist China, called “the Hall of Revelation.” A person can just collect and collect disparate cultures’ conceptualized as linked by exceptional human experiences to every other era and culture of our species. Study of those universals or near universals is important, as with the phenomena’s cultural interpretation, a set of likewise universal or near universal states of consciousness or signatures of consciousness state which are correlated with the EHE. In that way, a core set of practices related to learning to control and induce intentionally those exceptional human experiences, as needed for his or her spiritual work. The man in the truck wakes up and drives out of the dark parking lot. It is twilight, six twenty, with a full moon in the sky. I had intended to take MDA and LSD together on the full moonlight, but realized I had too many things to do today. Put it off again, perhaps tonight, but things aren’t quite right and I need to do laundry, excuse after excuse to avoid having a spiritual experience alone in that haunted fucking hotel room. Its not a cabin on the water, its an abandoned beach resort , with multiple units in a row, my own being number five.
The forward breath magnifies my state of being more personally than the resonating voice of another, myself.
1-14-22
Here Mitch, you have come up in one of my recent therapy sessions so I felt you had a right to know! I will let you listen to the reference and then, hopefully, respond in writing, if you’re willing. It’s my preference I hope you might humor.
Maybe tonight. What did she want? Why did I wake up from her voice in the doorway only to find my cock in my hand in my underwear, and my immediate response was to bare my teeth and hiss at her. What the fuck was that??
I think of it almost as two entities in the room, in the addition to myself. A woman, again, violating me sexually but with my own hand. She sounded older and heavy, or that was the image I got of her. But what is this second being seemingly in me which would cause me t immediately respond with hissing and bared teeth. I’ve never done such a thing in my life, I was desperate to get my eye shades off to see her, but wanted to fend her off in that moment. I was ready to jump out of bed and charge into the bathroom she’d went into before realizing that there’s no place to go from that small room.
A break through in conceptualizing dimensionality. The point to line, line to plane, plane to physical space, physical space back to line - the line of inward-upward and inward-downward. That new line across the grid descends straight up or straindown from the room. Straight strange. In other words, conceptualizing the room you are in as ascending or descending, up or down, but each stepwise aspect of that trance by units of time, like the bouncing solitaire cards, appearing to come towards you as each image of the card is superimposed over and to the right or left as a progression denoting movement towards me within the fore field. The image I saw of this descent or ascent was of the physical surroundings of the room suddenly being expressed downwards as discrete hues of the room expressed along a spectrum, seeing a rainbow extend before me like a stepladder. This is the rainbow road of my ancestors, how one can climb to Valhalla and the realm of the ancestors, watching over you from the lodge. The glass of the lodge is one way visible, as we are in the dark looking out onto the brightest sunny day. When they try to look in, they only see darkness. But we can watch out, cheering from the sidelines, helping when we can but there are rules in place for play. Can guide, give encouragement or even arrange coincidence to parlay messages through those around me. A strong statement, but how else can the women in white be interpreted, the astronomical improbability of that video being the first thing I saw when my cell service came back up, “White Night Magic,” but mostly that long monologue in the book store “he was attacked by a demon, but he faced it and took control of it and now the demon is his armor as he enters the spirit world.” What the fuck was he saying?? Describing the protection I had been praying for four and a half hours, deeply and intently, focused and transcending unambiguously The TM being especially conducive to the journey to t he Under and Over Worlds. The Axis Mundi, Jacob’s Ladder, all of these are different words for that same thing, that spectrum and its rainbow like range of discrete bandwidths. The metaphor of media is essential for us to understand how spectra are governed, the laws of waveform dynamics should be studied and applied to nature’s every aspect, not merely the physical bandwidths of the spectrum, but the unseen as well All are governed by the same fundamentals of conscious experience, through to subconscious experience. The Inward-Upward and the Inward-Downward are the most simple and immediately graspable descriptions of this Axis Mundi universal and how to travel along it to other regions or stations of consciousness. How long can you sit and think and think about a problem before it’s nature can finally be deduced? The incredible thought experiments of Einstein, taking huge conceptions of the nonphysical word and or the edge of physics fringe
Is there a reason you are excluding Mikkal from your plan?
If he is not there, something else will surely take his place Not always a positive influence, it’s good to show some discernment and control over your dissertation board. And your chair.
I don’t know how to communicate with people, but of course I’d know how to communicate with beings of white light! Of course! ;)
Take stock in the metaphor, as it is a physical reality and we know that. The electromagnetism modulating the space around our body is measurable and modulates , influencing and being influenced by oscillatory fields of the surroundings. This is physical perception, the five sensory organs and their discrete range of perception. It affords. But in what way do we radiate in more subtle or refined bandwidths of the surrounding media? Can the LHC eventually measure Aether, finally and unequivocally proving the existence of a medium being modulated by light. Lights carrier. By imagining the edge of the a body of water, a pond. Still water’s surface appears in several different ways as we enter it. Black water becomes a mirror, white water impenetrable in its roar or a calmer light babble. The medium of water is expressed as a boundary is the fundamental reduction of all of those physical experiences, scenarios for generalizing. Take heed. Every bandwidth of the multiple facets and subtle refined ranges of electromagnetism’s infinite spectrum, Regionality and locality are expressed along the meeting of two densities of matter, the boundary of that body of water is a surface with a set tension and viscosity. Density can be thought of as the compression of lower bandwidths of the particulate media by depth, the lowest regions of the ocean are molecularly denser, compacted by the sheer weight of the water above. In this way, the EM spectrum can be understood as it descends through to define physicality for us, localized modulatory media and the apparatus we have evolved to interpret these various outward sources of frequency difference, oscillatory phenomena rippling across the surrounding water of the pond. Throwing a massive boulder into this medium creates a high amplitude massive slow wave impact, dropping immediately down through the ranges of pressure to the bottom, the edge of the ground, a denser medium that, itself, can experience huge wave disruptions, earthquakes and tectonic shift, all slower than the finer medium, the state of matter of water in its liquid form, finer yet along the ranges of a species’ conscious experience, regionally divided. The life that crawls, flies, or dives at this boundary of the ocean, an ecosystem rich with diversity, tend to have evolutionarily developed ways to exploit the boundary for sustenance. The heron diving down for herring, the beautiful mammals having developed and climbed in stepwise adaptive ascent to survive, to swim every towards the light, following it until the edge of the shore is reached. There, the challenge of developing into a higher and more refined medium of matter is confronted.
I hope all of this doesn’t sound pedantic. These metaphors and thought experiments were mostly inspired by my own spiritual experiences and the obsessive quest to find some way of integrating them into an understanding of the natural world, its more subtle aspects beyond the ranges of our physical sensory limitations. EThinking of every bandwidth of the electromagnetic spectrum as being governemed by those same fundamental laws of of waveform transmission in media carier. These limits of physical perception naked should not define the discrete beginning and end of ourthe whoele of our understanding of conscious life. In the future, the thought of using burning gasoline to travel physically across physical nature in space will seem crude and so adorably innocent fo, that oblivious species we were and the potential which naturally develops if a species is allowed to continue developing into new sensory ability, as the pineal gland’s lens, cornea, and retina suggest we were. What bandwidth of light was perceived by that literal third eye, located like a little sensor along the cleft boundary of our right and left hemispheres. A little pinecone, it would not make sense to develop such a novel organ evolutionarily if it would only perceive within the same vlimits of the visible spectrum, that minute sliver of the greater immensity of electromagnetism. Thinking even beyond the meeting of electricity and magnetism, the meeting of two systems, modulating one another in these incredible ways, to understand the medium of mass being equivalent or a discrete range of energy, so that such of a fascinating set of interactions can be defined across that equality , reduced and controlled using known constants, a proven path through natures greater ranges can be deduced. What can I do with this similar exhaustive thought experiments drawn into better understanding of physicality’s edges and how dimensionality expresses itself. Can we define the future ranges of physicality by what the pineal gland’s vestigial sensory function implies? Having regressed in our species, the craniums of pre-mammalian vertebrates are often thinned to allow light to radiate directly onto the cortex, thin enough to become semi-transparent. But while this ancient pre-mammalian functionality has certainly regressed, post-retinal light on the pineal still governs the release of melatonin. Only when the light of our surroundings is perceived by the pineal gland to be no longer shining, and we are in darkness, is the hormone melatonin released to induce the body to sleep. But the pineal gland doing this releasing is lesser understood. *DMT discussion insert here.
Publication, popularity, and fame following Einstein’s publication revealed Holy shit! Something hits the metal in the back of my car, ping ping, loudly at that exact point in the sentence. Sounded almost like two bb gun hits.
I interpret that they’d rather I not go on, blathering about Einstein, or that I, myself, need to publish my writing, do the work of expressing each article as best I can, using whatever format is expected for a given ideas, using the accepted terms of discourse for a given academic community, fully referenced into a concise arguments. Proofs, references, show your work! But what is the work of developing a metaphor based on nature’s observable ranges? What is the expression of a thought experiment academically when it leads to a sudden AH HA! moment?
I neglected to even get into the physical presence of the entity spooning me Sitting in my Mitsubishi 2008 Eclipse, jet black Batmobile, in my therapist’s parking lot, watching the traffic of downtown Clear Lake, CA, the highway location, the many people and distractions? Do I hear a car door behind me? What is that man screaming about? Is the sound coming from the gas station in front of me or the parking lot behind me? I get overwhelmed by sensory experience in public, being hypersensitive, hypervigilant to the ranges of subtle occurrences in my surroundings that my friends do not even register. It makes writing in public easily distractible, especially for long thoughts requiring a strong and wide attention span buffer to hold such long strings of thought associations, unwrapping an idea down to its furthest layers, the edge of my capacity of attention. Here, Attention is best thought of as a volume of sensory stimuli: The most I am able to hold and carry naturally being the amount of water I can physically hold and carry, versus the amount I am able to hold using technology. A clay cup, a bowl, a jug, gourd, or basket (well, maybe a really fancy basket!) Innovation allows us to carry more of that current for later. To imagine how technology may eventually be more fully integrated, cognitively, to the aid of our attention or the utilization and processing of of greater sensory amplitude and volume than we are naturally able to manage perceive, and reflect. As light through a lens, does the distance of the lens from the flashlight’s source of light, the bulb - moving the lens outwards or inwards -- the rays can be controlled and focused down to a pinpoint of highly charged photic intensity, or by pulling the lens back closer to the bulb, its light can be broadened outwards into a diffuse low intensity revelation of the room, allowing us to see beyond what nature’s design permitted us. Again, using all of these phenomenal developments we now take for granted or accept without real comprehension. Working conception. We still don’t fully understand gravity, its control or generation. Much of electromagnetism is still unexplored “Fucking magnets. How they work??”
*The written portions of these therapy sessions should be included in the YouTube description of their uploaded audio component.
“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production.”
An archive would then have the various differences introduced between the written expression of the idea or experience versus the transcription of the spoken version, as told in therapy. By and large, I would say that the spoken or “Storyteller” version is more accessible and conversationally-written when transcribed, not getting too dense or laden with detail, but still expressing an argument in a concise and well-reasoned way. I like being able to say “Does that make sense?” and hearing back any area of the thought which was not clear or which did not seem well supported by sound deductive reasoning. Having the reader in front of you, able to give their feedback immediately, that is a great inspiration. Having that reflection point in the room, to be told how you sound or what the shared thought evokes. This dialogue form should be returned to philosophical writing, the Greco-Roman practice of introducing the critical voice into the prose, to beat your future critics to the punch, so to speak.
Selecting the right person to talk to, careful to discriminate someone whose perspective you can appreciate, this is a major part of spoken dialogue transcription. Podcast guests, for instance, are selected with the possible or predicted direction of their conversation in mind. Joe Rogan recently being canceled for his choice of guests, controversial conservative leaders, crackpots, etc. He had interpreted that openness to many forms of ideas and perspective as a strength, but no, its truly not seen that way by all of his detractors, many of whom suggested he should deny the conversational platform from certain thinkers. To censor them for the good of the greater community. But perhaps Socrates would suggest one should know their enemy’s position intimately so as to represent their critique fairly. Or, if his podcast could be broadcast, choose his debating pattern with great care, ensuring certain requirements about their nature be met. Intelligent and articulate, reasonable, that method of leading this person along a path of assertions.