Intrusive Shamanic-Type Experiences Return
Hi Mikkal,
I hope you are well! I really enjoyed attending your recent online workshop for the day I was able to. Unfortunately, I was working the other days, otherwise I would have definitely been there to the rest of that awesome material you were sharing.
I have been having some disconcerting spiritual experiences over the past several weeks, nightly. I'd hoped you might have some insight about what to do, or might know someone else who specializes in intrusive entity interactions. I contacted Myron Eschowsky, but unfortunately did not hear back. It's been so many years since anything like this has happened that some part of me hoped I had it under control, but apparently not!
I'll attach an email explaining what's been going on...
FWD:
When I am in trouble, the Finns always come to me and help me, my sister and mother had this happen too. Finns, coming out of the woodwork, when we are in a certain state of consciousness, when there is trauma or disturbance felt along the delicate strands of that ancestral web.
Yes, I don't know how much of my story you remember, but the spiritual attacks have started again. It has been many years since these intrusive entity interactions have occurred, and I don't know how or why they suddenly start up again, what I did to possibly open myself or attract spiritual attention to myself, but so it goes. It's happening, at any rate.
Nearly every night for three weeks straight, an entity has come to my bedside. After a week of trying to shoo it away, it got bolder and began to sit on the bed. I felt the mattress sink down and then a vibratory sensation at my feet and ankles. From there, it will crawl up into the bed with me -- it feels almost as if there is a huge dog jumping up onto the bed and then positioning itself behind me. Again, I can feel the mattress sink down behind me and hear the sheets shifting from its weight. It then begins to spoon me! Wrapping me up, I feel the pressure of its arms around me from behind, and even its legs wrapping over mine... the strange pressure sensation pushing against my tailbone as I lay there, fully awake. Absolutely terrifying! This can progress into it attempting to enter my body, a feat which I gather is not easy for a spirit to accomplish. In previous intrusive entity experiences, I learned it's that hypnic twitch at the edge of sleep -- you know, where your leg will suddenly kick up from a half-dream? That twitch, where the dream body begins to separate from your physical body -- that is their "in." And it is along that edge that sleep paralysis occurs as well.
I'm sorry to drop into such a creepy subject out of the blue, but I know that your studies explore interactions with spirits and that, in our ancestor's sensitive connection with nature, all manner of spirits were identified and honored (or appeased, as not to anger them!) I also know that this is a nearly universal nighttime experience, existing in nearly every culture: Incubus, succubus, Old Hag, the Night Mare, Djinn, on and on... The cultures differ only in their interpretation of this interaction, but the entities, themselves, occur and behave identically in every culture and era of our history. The feeling of weight on the chest, or around the bed. In Middle Eastern cultures, their word for this specific entity actually translates to "Pressure." The sexual aspect of the interaction is also common. This historical background is all well and good, as I study obsessively and desperately trying to understand what the hell is going on, but none of that background provides any clear or unambiguous instruction as to how to defend one's self from such intrusive violations of my body.
The longer I lay there, the more intense the energetic aspect of the demonic presence becomes. Several nights, the WHOLE BED would be shaking as I lay there in a fetal position on my right side. Just laying there, the vibration having such force that the bed frame audible begins to hit the wall! These occurrences are admittedly not new to me, as me and my girlfriend had all of these same things occurring to us with much greater severity in 2004-2007, nightly torments, spirits, and so on. My mom, her mom, and my sisters have these things happen to them for months at a time, as well. I assume it has something to do with that shamanic lineage of my mom's side, drawing back to her grandma's grandma, the noaide from Suomussalmi. So while they all get bedside visitors and poltergeist activity attracted to them, I seem to get it much more severely than the rest of my family, for whatever reason.
I find myself awaking in the middle of battling them from sleep, pointing at it in the corner, using my breath with long exhales to "shhhhhHHHUH!" them out and away, as I learned from the Amazonian Shipibo shamans as they cleared the space for the ceremony. I've tried using white sage, burning it all around the boundary of the room, as is popular in California new age circles. I've tried prayer and visualizing white light projecting from my heart, into a protective bubble around myself and the cabin. None of these seems to do anything but anger the entity.
All of the sort of cliches are there... I can see his silhouette as a shadowy figure moving near the bed out of the corner of my eye. Always in the periphery of the vision the entity can be seen, never looking directly. Or, occasionally, a flash of blue-white light out of the corner of my eye, something I interpret and acknowledge as a presence I'm much more open to!
Last night, it wrapped me up and it feels almost parasitic and sexual. I stay up as long as I can, hoping sunrise would push it to leave me in peace, but this one, unfortunately, is not dissuaded by light outside! He keeps at it. 9 AM, noon, 2 PM the next day... There is a point I must submit, as terrifying as it is to feel this presence on my body, I NEED sleep... So there is an inward surrender to being violated, accepting it finally, letting it happen to me. I assume this is very similar to the shift a woman must inevitably accept while being raped, when she simply stops fighting and dissociates from what is happening to her. I'm sorry, it's such a horrible thought, but that is how it feels to take handfuls of sleeping pills, determined to sleep through the ordeal, one way or another!
Last night, I could feel the paralysis coming on as the spooning verged into convulsive mediumship, towards full possession. And I fought it, I turned onto my back and there was a HUGE jolt of the bed, as it jumped from behind me, the sheer weight of this being causing the springs to sound and the bed to knock against the wall, again like a huge fat black lab leaping over me. It then got in my face from the bedside, interacting with my front, jostling me around.
Ohh...I realize this is a lot and is an unnerving topic, but I am truly struggling with it and I feel, very much, that these kinds of spiritual interactions are felt by those in our circle... To be honest, in desperation, I took LSD hoping that the heightened sensitivity might allow me a better glimpse of what I am dealing with. I know I need to face this thing, directly, and that seemed the most direct way. I hoped that, in that heightened state of consciousness, prayer, cleansing, smudging, and expelling negativity from the space may become more effective with the shift in perception of the subtle. But I admit, attempting to improvise rituals and defenses in this way, I feel like I'm groping in the dark. I have no idea what I'm doing, but am earnestly trying to get a handle on it, desperately.
So when you reached out only a few hours later, I felt "Ahh! She felt it, a tinge of my struggle!" The heightened state of consciousness, especially when tied to trauma, does seem to extend up along those ancestral and familial strands. People, old friends and lovers, each reach out to me, out of the blue, concerned for me but not knowing why, always hours after a possession experience.
Anyway, hoping you might have some insights or traditional techniques for defending yourself when journeying to the upper or lower world. Ideally finding some way to "break" this wild night mare, so that it can serve me as a helper spirit, like a real mare must be broken so it can become an ally and means of assisting me in my journey. These creepy experiences are tied to shamanic sensitivity and the mastery of spirits -- I realize, that realm of spirit is not all sunshine and rainbows, there are predatory species down there too! Several people at the ayahuasca church I'm researching have told me, independently, that they saw an entity attack me during the ceremony. The one girl was visibly distraught, saying she kept shaking her head, blinking many times, and then look up at me again only to see the figure was still there! She described it as a reddish-hued silhouette behind me, tugging, pulling at the back of my neck behind the lawn chair I was sitting in. The other man, a Brazillian, said he saw an entity attack me while I was walking. I then immediately lost consciousness and hit the floor of the church, everyone running over; quite a scene!
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Any information, literary references, or contacts of knowledgeable individuals in your circle would be greatly appreciated. I haven't slept for days, just absolutely terrified!
Thank you so much, Mikkal!
-Kaleb
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Kaleb R. Smith
Therapist | Woods Creek Psychological Group, APC
A: 103 South Forest Road; Sonora, CA 95370
P: (209) 454-6273 | F: (209) 532-0699
E: kalebr.smith@gmail.com | W: http://www.woodscreekgroup.com