Calling
I have become incredulous to the notion that I have a calling. No career jumps out or seems appealing. I just want to be. Striving is a never ending exhaustion. Spiritualism and China (possibly comic books as well) are the only things that I seem to have boundless energy for. I am no longer interested in graduate school. I lost interest in that several months ago. My loss of interest in graduate school is liberating. I feel like I am free to live in the moment. There is a quote from the book "Peaceful Warrior" where Socrates said "You practice acrobatics; I practice everything." When I think of the quote I become more mindfull of my actions. I noticed that I started moving more and more in a steady stream, one movement flowing into another. Before my movements were more hesitant and choppy. I don't have a particular goal to pursue careerwise or projectwise.
Sometimes I feel frantic. I chant "Ong namo, guru dev namo." The vibrations of the words are soothing. If I pray after chanting the results seem quicker and clearer than prayer without ritual. There is a man who whines profusely that I work with. I did something that would normally upset him. I brought back my overstock very late in my shift due to many reasons. The man's job is to categorize overstock. I apologized and offered to stay after work to correct the error. He spoke to me with sincereity and categorized the overstock. For several weeks I had prayed to reach my ideal of harmonious love with this man.
I am trying to heal my mental ailments. I've been reading a lot of A.R.E. books lately.
Sometimes I feel frantic. I chant "Ong namo, guru dev namo." The vibrations of the words are soothing. If I pray after chanting the results seem quicker and clearer than prayer without ritual. There is a man who whines profusely that I work with. I did something that would normally upset him. I brought back my overstock very late in my shift due to many reasons. The man's job is to categorize overstock. I apologized and offered to stay after work to correct the error. He spoke to me with sincereity and categorized the overstock. For several weeks I had prayed to reach my ideal of harmonious love with this man.
I am trying to heal my mental ailments. I've been reading a lot of A.R.E. books lately.