the i entry

[turbo_]

there is a little part of syracuse i want to be in new york with me.
that little part of syracuse is fading and forgetting.

i am drinking a yuengling and watching family guy.
yuengling, the very beer that caused the "drinking beer" downward spiral.
i should be able to welcome my belly back soon.

i work and sleep most of the time.
i think i don't really have many friends anymore.
i want to hang out and scroll past half of the numbers in my phone.
and the one's i do call/text don't respond.

i am slowly beginning to think it is time for a new city.
but i don't have any idea's or reason's to move to any certain place.

i make up crushes in my head sometimes when i am drunk.
i did that tuesday to a friend of mine.
i was jealous over a girl he was with and i don't know why.
i think it was because i didn't have a boy to spend time with.
and ultimately i want everyone to be miserable if i am miserable
i know that is pretty shitty, but that's me right now.

i sleep on the couch all the time,
i say it is because of the girl that still lives in my room.
but i really think i use it as an excuse to myself.
an excuse to not have the love of my life sleepng next to me.
then i remember that part of syracuse that will be here in a year or less.
i don't want to wait here for something that will never come.

then there is the whole issue of if i will even want it,
it seems when i have the opportunity to be happy.
i scare/discourage/fight with/lead on.
i'm screwed.

i have been listening to a lot of jeff buckley lately.
"maybe i'm just too young, to keep good love from going wrong"