Christmas Eve
I can't believe it is Christmas Eve! Holy cow, where did the year go?!?! I am not ready for a new year, but yet I am. I want things to be different this coming year. One thing is different already...it is hard to believe that a year ago I was in the hospital. What a way to spend the holidays. I am still far from well, but at least I am better than a year ago.
I started taking Desipramine a few days ago. So far I haven't noticed anything, which is good because that means I am not experiencing any side effects. It was hard to get myself to start taking it. I had missed taking all of my meds for a few days, and once I start to slip it is incredibly hard to get myself to start taking them again. I am still fighting with myself morning and night to swallow the various pills. Right now it would be so easy to not take them, but I know that is not the smartest thing for me to do. Blah. I have started to taper the Abilify. I haven't told my psych about this and I don't know if I will. But, if, when I see her again in a few weeks she asks what dose of each med I am on, I know I won't be able to lie to her. She is so wonderful and good to me, I can't imagine lying to her about anything. I don't want to ruin anything between us. I know she will support me in whatever I do...she has said she will stand by me even if I chose to go without any meds. Ok, crying now. Blah.
Tonight should be a fun night. We haven't decorated our tree yet (granted we only got it on Tuesday), so that is one thing we are going to do. Then, we will have a big family dinner (paella....but not for me...I am going to make a tofu stir-fry), and tonight we will go to midnight mass. I hope I can stay awake that late. I will definitely need to get some caffeine flowing through my veins!
I am definitely feeling tired today, just like yesterday, and well, most days. The pup and I went for a run, but I was definitely dragging. I really hope that this changes once I get to a low dose of Abilify. I want to be able to run (to really run) again. I miss how it used to be. I miss being in shape. I miss how it felt to be in shape. I miss the freedom it gave me, the release, the good feelings, etc. I miss taking Harlan for long runs. Sure, we get out now, but it is nothing close to what we used to do. Sigh. I should just be thankful we can still get out and do something.
Any way, I should probably do some cleaning and help with some of the dinner prep. soon. Man, I still can't believe it is Christmas Eve.