Grrr, harumph
Jack and I had a fight last night, we do that a lot it seems like, its not something I very much enjoy, but I don't know what to do about it. I have decided that we react to situations in a very similar way (same kind of temper and stubborness, that sorta thing) but choose to respond to them differently. I avoid conflict for the most part, I have a temper (one that can be violent...) that no one sees because I hide it, by doing so. I say some of the meanest things when I am angry and I know most the time I just end up regreting it to no end. So I just don't confront people. I sit and fume for a while, think it all out in my head, and then forgive them. Sometimes it takes a while, but it seems like I hurt less feelings that way. (Only in Jack's case he is really sensitive to little things, which to him seem big so while I am figuring things out I tend to succeed in hurting his feelings more instead of less.) But, in Jack's experience avoiding conflict always made it worse, so he pokes at me trying to figure out what is wrong, which in most cases only succeeds in making me more stubborn and more angry. This also lets the grudge factor start kicking in, which is bad I am really good at the grudge thing (thank you Mom). Anyway it all accumulates into a big showdown, usually instigated by him. And then during the acutal fight I feel like he is trying to brow-beat me into saying what he wants me to say, and sometimes the only way to end a fight is to just agree with him... which I haven't done yet, but I have done the whole "I am sorry I made you feel..."thing. It works quite nicely, because its true, but I don't have to (at least in my mind) give up my side of the whole argument, but I can appease him.
Plus he kind of fights dirty which can be extremely frustrating, he always has to make what I say a personal insult to him, and like my Dad he repeats the same thing over and over and over. I got it the first time, we are talking about something else, don't use the old to make you angrier now please. But I don't think he realizes hes doing it, so pointing it out would just make it worse... and yet somehow in the end we always work it out, and come up with some understanding. Hopefully this one will be a reasonable and permanent solution... I am sick of this fighting stuff.
At least we don't scream and yell at each other, for the most part it is just heated discussion. I couldn't handle yelling.
Plus he kind of fights dirty which can be extremely frustrating, he always has to make what I say a personal insult to him, and like my Dad he repeats the same thing over and over and over. I got it the first time, we are talking about something else, don't use the old to make you angrier now please. But I don't think he realizes hes doing it, so pointing it out would just make it worse... and yet somehow in the end we always work it out, and come up with some understanding. Hopefully this one will be a reasonable and permanent solution... I am sick of this fighting stuff.
At least we don't scream and yell at each other, for the most part it is just heated discussion. I couldn't handle yelling.