My future
I was asked some really good questions about my future the other night - and I am very thankful for them, Mika. I've continued thinking about them, and about everything in general, and I feel that there is something that I would like to expand on - am I willing to go back to that life after one of the chaplains stopped me from jumping the fence. I admit that it is one of the things that comes up within my own mind quite a bit as I consider the chaplaincy option. There are, however, a couple of things that have come to mind:
1) I have realized that a lot of the Swab Summer stuff was a game. I'm not saying all of it was by any means, but I have learned to recognize which aspects of it were more of a game that had to be played and which parts weren't. I actually started realizing that when I was outprocessing, and the cadre were willing to acknowledge that fact. My ability to do all of the military stuff actually IMPROVED that week because I recognized that fact - it gave me a confidence in my step and reduced the stress level after that realization. I know that "playing the game" is harder to do 24/7 than it was during that week, but the approach would definitely improve my ability to keep everything under control (at least what I can control).
2) I was mostly willing to jump the fence because I was mad. I had just been told that I was going to have to stay over the weekend, and I was ready to go. I had been operating under the instruction that I would leave by Friday, and it pissed me off to hear otherwise. All the preparations had been made - all I needed was the Admiral to approve my separation. He was away to see the change of command ceremony for the Eagle. It was by a miracle of God that I was able to get out of there that Friday morning - I still remember the hurried last-minute packing because I had to be ready to go before the morning was done (it was Coast Guard day and all of the enlisted - especially the yeoman who was making the preparations - were given the afternoon off).
I am, also going to be talking to the counselor today - I really don't know what I want to do with my life, and hopefully he'll help me figure it out.
Peace
1) I have realized that a lot of the Swab Summer stuff was a game. I'm not saying all of it was by any means, but I have learned to recognize which aspects of it were more of a game that had to be played and which parts weren't. I actually started realizing that when I was outprocessing, and the cadre were willing to acknowledge that fact. My ability to do all of the military stuff actually IMPROVED that week because I recognized that fact - it gave me a confidence in my step and reduced the stress level after that realization. I know that "playing the game" is harder to do 24/7 than it was during that week, but the approach would definitely improve my ability to keep everything under control (at least what I can control).
2) I was mostly willing to jump the fence because I was mad. I had just been told that I was going to have to stay over the weekend, and I was ready to go. I had been operating under the instruction that I would leave by Friday, and it pissed me off to hear otherwise. All the preparations had been made - all I needed was the Admiral to approve my separation. He was away to see the change of command ceremony for the Eagle. It was by a miracle of God that I was able to get out of there that Friday morning - I still remember the hurried last-minute packing because I had to be ready to go before the morning was done (it was Coast Guard day and all of the enlisted - especially the yeoman who was making the preparations - were given the afternoon off).
I am, also going to be talking to the counselor today - I really don't know what I want to do with my life, and hopefully he'll help me figure it out.
Peace