Somewhere along the line I lost my nerve

[tuningfork]

It's funny. Everytime I sit down and start to write an entry, all desire flies out the window. I look at all my friend's entries and I think how well written and interesting they are and I get discouraged. I'm not as witty or as thought provoking. People seemed to be more skilled than I at translating the events of their lives into something readable. And the fact that they are probably just writing off the top of their head, unlike me with a millions revisions, only brings that point closer to the quick.
And believe me, it's not that I lead this boring humdrum life. On real reflection, my life is pretty damn good (except for my day gig, but that's a pretty common complaint). I have a great girl in Allison, fantasic friends, met many many interesting and smart people in person and on LJ and I'm moving toward finishing my recording studio and embracing music again.

I suppose I have to try harder to get past my manufactured detachment to things. A detachment that keeps you safe from getting hurt, but keeps you locked up. A detachment behind where my disapointment in myself and my self contempt for my effort to make a virtue out of limitation lies.

See the hardest thing is to hope for things to turn out the way they're supposed to, I need to reflect on that more and get past this detachment.