Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight
I woke up feeling old. I had Year of the Cat in my head, it reminded me of growing up in the 70s. I probably miss those days, but I am not certain if it is only because of nostalgia or some legitimate reason.
My mood and feelings are still constantly in flux. I suffer from constant longing and disappointment. Is it possible to be sick of disappointment? That seems almost redundant. Each day I keep feeling like I am waiting for something that never occurs. I want to be active; I want to be in charge, to make things happen. Instead, I sit and hope something happens to me.
And it never does.
Where is the fast forward? This is no way to live. To do something, I need to want something. Right now I am constantly aware of what I dont want and why I cant do this thing or that. My desires are ineffectual and my thoughts ephemeral.
On Sunday I spent a bunch of time with my sister. She was talking about one of her friends and how emo he was being. That was probably something like this. I keep being bombarded by the same opinions from outsiders, but they just cant see why it can never be. And I can only see exactly that.
My mood and feelings are still constantly in flux. I suffer from constant longing and disappointment. Is it possible to be sick of disappointment? That seems almost redundant. Each day I keep feeling like I am waiting for something that never occurs. I want to be active; I want to be in charge, to make things happen. Instead, I sit and hope something happens to me.
And it never does.
Where is the fast forward? This is no way to live. To do something, I need to want something. Right now I am constantly aware of what I dont want and why I cant do this thing or that. My desires are ineffectual and my thoughts ephemeral.
On Sunday I spent a bunch of time with my sister. She was talking about one of her friends and how emo he was being. That was probably something like this. I keep being bombarded by the same opinions from outsiders, but they just cant see why it can never be. And I can only see exactly that.